'PAPA  CARRIES  US  UP  ON  HIS  BACK" 


COPYRIGHT,  1908,  BT 

GROSSET    &    DUNLAP 


HELEN'S  BABIES 


Dedication 


Everyone  knows  that  there  are,  in  the  World, 
hundreds  of  thousands  of  fathers  and  mothers, 
each  one  of  whom  possesses  the  best  children 
that  ever  lived.  I  am,  therefore,  moved  by 
a  sense  of  the  eternal  fitness  of  things  to  dedi 
cate  this  little  volume  to 

The  Parents  of  the 
Best  Children  in  the  World 

with  the  reminder  that  it  is  considered  the 
proper  thing  for  each  person,  to  whom  a  book 
is  dedicated,  to  purchase  and  read  a  copy. 


284344 


LIST  OF  ILLUSTRATIONS 


"Papa  Carries  Us  Up  On  His  Back" Frontispiece. 

Page 

"We  Call  'Em  the  Imps" 5 

"Here's  My  Grass-Cutter" 7 

"Wheels  Go  Wound" n 

"  I  Believe  You  Arranged  the  Floral  Decorations" 15 

Dropping  Them  Into  the  Bathtub 17 

Budge's  Idea  of  Jonah  and  the  Whale 25 

"  We  Hope  He's  Got  Lots  of  Candy  " 29 

I  Encountered  a  Door  Ajar 35 

The  Dolly  Found 37 

"Papa  Don't  Whip  Us  With  Sticks" 41 

An  Amateur  in  Packing 45 

"  I  Hunged  Over  More  Than  Toddie  Did  " 58 

"We've  Got  an  Umbrella" 67 

"When  I  Was  a  Soldier,"  Remarked  Toddie 71 

"Kish  My  Dolly,  Too" 79 

Two  Little  Sava,ges. 85 

My  Nephew  Budge  In  His  Best 91 

Putting  an  Extension  on  the  Afternoon f 97 


LIST  OF  ILLUSTRATIONS 

Page 
"I  Was  All  Ate  Up  By  a  Lion" 103 

Toddie  Investigating  a  Hornet's  Nest 109 

" But  Let's  Hurry  Home'* 1 13 

"Oo-Ee!  Zha  Turtle  On  My  Plate" 125 

Acting  Upon  Budge's  Suggestion 133 

To  Skip  All  Love  Talk  in  Novels 139 

The  Goat,  the  Carriage,  and  the  Boys 143 

"  A.n'  Wawtoo  to  Make  Mud-Pies" 151 

" Wantsh  Dancin'  Tune" 157 

Two  Great  Hands  Seized  Toddie 163 

" He's  Got  a  Dead  Mouse  to  be  Jonah  Now" 165 

Holding  Over  His  Head  a  Ragged  Umbrella 177 

"I  Didn't  Hurt  De  'Ittle  Mousie" 181 

A  Tribute  to  Mothers 185 

I  Shouted  "Hurrah" 191 

Two  Clouds  Go  Bump  Into  Each  Other 199 

"Can't  You  Be  a  Whay-al?" 203 

"  Azh  Wadiant  Azh  ze  Matchless  Wose  " 213 

Mrs  May  ton  Stooped  to  Pick  Up  Her  Glasses 219 

Made  Him  Awful  Sick 825 

"  The  Sun'll  Be  Disappointed  If  It  Don't  Have  Us 

to  Look  At" 331 

Galloping  Furiously  to  the  Village 235 

Mike  Telling  Maggie  to  Get  Lunch 237 


HELEN'S    BABIES 


first  cause,  so  far  as  it  can 
be  determined,  of  the  ex 
istence  of  this  book  may 
be  found  in  the  following 
letter,  written  by  my  only 
married  sister,  and  received 
by  me,  Harry  Burton,  sales 
man  of  white  goods,  bachelor,  aged  twenty- 
eight,  and  received  just  as  I  was  trying  to 
decide  where  I  should  spend  a  fortnight's 
vacation: 

"HILLCREST,  June  i5>  1875. 

"  DEAR  HARRY: — Remembering  that  you  are  always 
complaining  that  you  never  have  a  chance  to  read,  and 
knowing  you  won't  get  it  this  summer,  if  you  spend 
your  vacation  among  people  of  your  own  set,  I  write 
to  ask  you  to  come  up  here.  I  admit  that  I  am  not 
wholly  disinterested  in  inviting  you.  The  truth  is, 
Tom  and  I  are  invited  to  spend  a  fortnight  with  my 
old  school-mate,  Alice  Wayne,  who,  you  know,  is  the 
dearest  girl  in  the  world,  though  you  didn't  obey  me 
and  marry  her  before  Frank  Wayne  appeared.  Well, 
we're  dying  to  go,  for  Alice  and  Frank  live  in  splendid 
style;  but  as  they  haven't  included  our  children  in 


2  HELEN'S    BABIES 

their  invitation,  and  have  no  children  of  their  own, 
we  must  leave  Budge  and  Toddie  at  home.  I've  no 
doubt  they'll  be  perfectly  safe,  for  my  girl  is  a  jewel, 
and  devoted  to  the  children,  but  I  would  feel  a  great 
deal  easier  if  there  was  a  man  in  the  house.  Besides, 
there's  the  silver,  and  burglars  are  less  likely  to  break 
into  a  house  where  there's  a  savage-looking  man. 
(Never  mind  about  thanking  me  for  the  compliment.) 
If  you'll  only  come  up,  my  mind  will  be  completely  at 
rest.  The  children  won't  give  you  the  slightest 
trouble;  they're  the  best  children  in  the  world — every 
body  savs  so. 

"Tom  has  plenty  of  cigars,  I  know,  for  the  money 
I  should  have  had  for  a  new  suit  went  to  pay  his  cigar- 
man.  He  has  some  new  claret,  too,  that  he  goes  into 
ecstasies  over,  though  /  can't  tell  it  from  the  vilest 
black  ink,  except  by  the  color.  Our  horses  are  in 
splendid  condition,  and  so  is  the  garden — you  see  I 
don't  forget  your  old  passion  for  flowers.  And,  last 
and  best,  there  never  were  so  many  handsome  girls  at 
Hillcrest  as  there  are  among  the  summer  boarders 
already  here;  the  girls  you  are  already  acquainted 
with  here  will  see  that  you  meet  all  the  newer  acqui 
sitions. 

"Reply  by  telegraph  right  away.  Of  course  you'll 
say  'Yes.' 

"In  great  haste,  your  loving 

"SISTER  HELEN. 

14  P. S. — You  shall  have  our  own  chamber;  it  catches 
every  breeze,  and  commands  the  finest  views.  The 
children's  room  communicates  with  it ;  so,  if  anything 
should  happen  to  the  darlings  at  night,  you'll  be  sure 
to  hear  them." 


HELEN'S    BABIES  3 

"  Just  the  thing ! "  I  ejaculated.  Five  min 
utes  later  I  had  telegraphed  Helen  my  accept 
ance  of  her  invitation,  and  had  mentally  se 
lected  books  enough  to  busy  me  during  a 
dozen  vacations.  Without  sharing  Helen's 
belief  that  her  boys  were  the  best  ones  in  the 
world,  I  knew  them  well  enough  to  feel  as 
sured  that  they  would  not  give  me  any  an 
noyance.  There  were  two  of  them,  since 
Baby  Phil  died  last  fall;  Budge,  the  elder, 
was  five  years  of  age,  and  had  generally, 
during  my  flying  visits  to  Helen,  worn  a  shy, 
serious,  meditative,  noble  face,  with  great, 
pure,  penetrating  eyes,  that  made  me  almost 
fear  their  stare.  Tom  declared  he  was  a 
born  philanthropist  or  prophet,  and  Helen 
made  so  free  with  Miss  Mulock's  lines  as  to 
sing: 

"Ah,  the  day  that  thou  goest  a  wooing, 
Budgie,  my  boy!" 

Toddie  had  seen  but  three  summers,  and 
was  a  happy  little  know-nothing,  with  a  head 
full  of  tangled  yellow  hair,  and  a  very  pretty 
fancy  for  finding  out  sunbeams  and  dancing 


4  HELEN'S    BABIES 

in  them.  I  had  long  envied  Tom  his  horses, 
his  garden,  his  house  and  his  location,  and 
the  idea  of  controlling  them  for  a  fortnight 
was  particularly  delightful.  Tom's  taste  in 
cigars  and  claret  I  had  always  respected, 
while  the  lady  inhabitants  of  Hillcrest  were, 
according  to  my  memory,  much  like  those  of 
every  other  suburban  village — the  fairest  of 
their  sex. 

Three  days  later  I  made  the  hour  and  a 
half  trip  between  New  York  and  Hillcrest, 
and  hired  a  hackman  to  drive  me  over  to 
Tom 's.  Half  a  mile  from  my  brother-in-law's 
residence,  our  horses  shied  violently,  and  the 
driver,  after  talking  freely  to  them,  turned 
to  me  and  remarked : 

"That  was  one  of  the  ' Imps.'" 

"What  was?"  I  asked. 
'That  little  cuss  that  scared  the  hosses. 
There  he  is,  now,  holdin'  up  that  piece  of 
brushwood.  'Twould  be  just  like  his  cheek, 
now,  to  ask  me  to  let  him  ride.  Here  he 
comes ,  runnin ' .  Wonder  where  t  'other  is  ? — 
they  most  generally  travel  together.  We  call 


HELEN'S    BABIES  5 

'em  the  Imps,  about  these  parts,  because 
they're  so  uncommon  likely  at  mischief. 
Always  skeerin' 
hosses,  or  chasm' 
cows,  ro  frighten- 
in 'chickens.  Nice 
enough  father  an' 
mothe  r,  too  — 
queer,  how  young 
ones  do  turn 

out!"  4f  #     t    & 

As   he    spoke, 

the   Offending  "WE  CALL 'EM  THE  IMPS" 

youth  came  panting  beside  our  carriage,  and 
in  a  very  dirty  sailor-suit,  and  under  abroad- 
brimmed  straw  hat,  with  one  stocking  about 
his  ankle,  and  two  shoes  averaging  about  two 
buttons  each,  I  recognized  my  nephew,.Budge ! 
About  the  same  time  there  emerged  from  the 
bushes  by  the  roadside  a  smaller  boy,  in  a 
green  gingham  dress,  a  ruffle  which  might 
once  have  been  white,  dirty  stockings,  blue 
slippers  worn  through  at  the  toes,  and  an  old- 
fashioned  straw  turban.  Thrusting  into  the 


6  HELEN'S    BABIES 

dust  of  the  road  a  branch  from  a  bush,  and 
shouting,  "Here's  my  grass-cutter!"  he  ran 
toward  us  enveloped  in  a  "pillar  of  cloud," 
•which  might  have  served  the  purpose  of 
Israel  in  Egypt.  When  we  paused,  and  the 
dust  had  somewhat  subsided,  I  beheld  the 
unmistakable  lineaments  of  the  child  Toddie ! 

"They're — my  nephews,  "  I  gasped. 

"What!"  exclaimed  the  driver.  "By  gra 
cious!  I  forgot  you  were  going  to  Colonel 
Lawrence's!  I  didn't  tell  anything  but  the 
truth  about  'em,  though;  they're  smart 
enough,  an'  good  enough,  as  boys  go;  but 
they'd  never  die  of  the  complaint  that  chil 
dren  has  in  Sunday-school  books." 

"Budge,"  said  I,  with  all  the  sternness  I 
could  command,  "do  you  know  me?" 

The  searching  eyes  of  the  embryo  prophet 
and  philanthropist  scanned  me  for  a  moment, 
then  their  owner  replied : 

"  Yes,  you're  Uncle  Harry.  Did  you  bring 
us  anything?" 

"  Bring  us  anything?"  echoed  Toddie. 

"  I  wish  I  could  have  brought  you  some  big 


HELEN'S    BABIES 


whippings,"  said  I,  with  great  severity  of 
manner,  "for  behaving  so  badly.  Get  into 
this  carriage." 

" Come  on,  Tod,"  shouted  Budge,  although 
Toddie's  farther  ear  was  not  a  yard  from 


HERE'S  MY  GRASS-CUTTER'; 


Budge's  mouth,  "  Uncle  Harry's  going  to  take 
us  riding ! ' ' 

"  Going  to  take  us  riding ! ' '  echoed  Toddie, 
with  the  air  of  one  in  a  reverie ;  both  the  echo 


8  HELEN'S    BABIES 

and  the  reverie  I  soon  learned  were  charac 
teristics  of  Toddie. 

As  they  clambered  into  the  carriage  I  no 
ticed  that  each  one  carried  a  very  dirty  towel, 
knotted  in  the  center  into  what  is  known  as 
a  slip-noose  knot,  drawn  very  tight.  After 
some  moments  of  disgusted  contemplation  of 
these  rags,  without  being  in  the  least  able  to 
comprehend  their  purpose,  I  asked  Budge 
what  those  towels  were  for. 

" They're  not  towels  —  they're  dollies," 
promptly  answered  my  nephew. 

"Goodness!"  I  exclaimed.  "I  should 
think  your  mother  could  buy  you  respectable 
dolls,  and  not  let  you  appear  in  public  with 
those  loathsome  rags." 

"We  don't  like  buyed  dollies,"  explained 
Budge.  " These  dollies  is  lovely;  mine's 
name  is  Mary,  an'  Toddie 's  is  Marfa." 

"Marfa?"  I  queried. 

"Yes;  don't  you  knowy  about 

'Marfa  and  Mary's  jus'  gone  along 
To  ring  dem  charmin'  bells,' 

that  them  Jubilees  sings  about?" 


HELEN'S    BABIES  9 

"Oh,  Martha,  you  mean?" 

"  Yes,  Marfa— that's  what  I  say.  Toddie's 
dolly's  got  brown  eyes,  an'  my  dolly's  got 
blue  eyes." 

"I  want  to  shee  yours  watch,"  remarked 
Toddie,  snatching  at  my  chain,  and  rolling 
into  my  lap. 

"Oh — oo — ee,  so  do  I,"  shouted  Budge, 
hastening  to  occupy  one  knee,  and  in  transitu 
wiping  his  shoes  on  my  trousers  and  the  skirts 
of  my  coat.  Each  imp  put  an  arm  about  me 
to  steady  himself,  as  I  produced  my  three- 
hundred  dollar  time-keeper,  and  showed  them 
the  dial. 

"  I  want  to  see  the  wheels  go  round,"  said 
Budge. 

"  Want  to  shee  wheels  go  wound,"  echoed 
iToddie. 

"  No ;  I  can't  open  my  watch  where  there's 
so  much  dust,"  I  said. 

"What  for?"  inquired  Budge. 

"  Want  to  shee  the  wheels  go  wound,"  re 
peated  Toddie. 


io  HELEN'S    BABIES 

"  The  dust  gets  inside  the  watch  and  spoils 
it,"  I  explained. 

"  Want  to  shee  the  wheels  go  wound,"  said 
Toddie,  once  more. 

"I  tell  you  I  can't,  Toddie,"  said  I,  with 
considerable  asperity.  "  Dust  spoils 
watches." 

The  innocent  gray  eyes  looked  up  wonder- 
ingly,  the  dirty  but  pretty  lips  parted  slightly, 
and  Toddie  murmured  :— 

"  Want  to  shee  the  wheels  go  wound." 

I  abruptly  closed  my  watch,  and  put  it  into 
my  pocket.  Instantly  Toddie 's  lower  lip 
commenced  to  turn  outward,  and  continued 
to  do  so,  until  I  seriously  feared  the  bony 
portion  of  his  chin  would  be  exposed  to  view. 
Then  his  lower  jaw  dropped,  and  he  cried:— 

"  Ah — h — h — h — h — h — want — to — shee— 
the  wheels — go  wou — ound." 

"  Charles  "  (Charles  is  his  baptismal  name), 
—"Charles,"  I  exclaimed,  with  some  anger, 
"stop  that  noise  this  instant!     Do  you  hear 
me?" 

"  Yes — oo — oo — oo — ahoo — ahoo." 


HELEN'S    BABIES  n 

"Then  stop  it." 

"  Wants  to  shee- 

"  Toddie,  I've  got  some  candy  in  my  trunk, 
but  I  won't  give  you  a  bit  if  you  don't  stop 
that  infernal  noise." 

"  Well,  I  wants  to  shee  wheels  go  wound. 
Ah— ah— h— h— h— h ! ' ' 

"Toddie,  dear,  don't  cry  so.  Here's  some 
ladies  coming  in  a  carriage ;  you  wouldii  t  let 
them  see  you  cry 
ing,  would  you? 
You  shall  see  the 
wheels  go  round 
as  soon  as  we 
get  home  " 

A  carriage 
containing  a 
couple  of  ladies 
was  rapidly  ap- 
proaching,  as 
Toddie  again 

i  ,  .  .  "WHEELS  GO  WOUND'! 

raised  his  voice. 

"Ah — h — h — want's  to  shee  wheels—   -" 
Madly    I    snatched   my   watch    from    my 


12  HELEN'S    BABIES 

pocket,  opened  the  case,  and  exposed  the 
works  to  view.  The  other  carriage  was  pass 
ing  ours,  and  I  dropped  my  head  to  avoid 
meeting  the  glance  of  the  unknown  occupants, 
for  my  few  moments  of  contact  with  my 
dreadful  nephews  had  made  me  feel  inex 
pressibly  unneat.  Suddenly  the  carriage 
with  the  ladies  stopped.  I  heard  my  own 
name  spoken,  and,  raising  my  head  quickly 
(encountering  Budge's  bullet  head  en  route, 
to  the  serious  disarrangement  of  my  hat),  I 
looked  into  the  other  carriage.  There,  erect, 
fresh,  neat,  composed,  bright -eyed,  fair- 
faced,  smiling  and  observant, — she  would 
have  been  all  this,  even  if  the  angel  of  the 
resurrection  had  just  sounded  his  dreadful 
trump, — sat  Miss  Alice  Mayton,  a  lady  who, 
for  about  a  year,  I  had  been  adoring  from 
afar. 

"When  did  you  arrive,  Mr.  Burton?"  she 
asked,  "  and  how  long  have  you  been  officiat 
ing  as  child 's  companion  ?  You  're  certainly  a 
happy-looking  trio — so  unconventional.  I 
hate  to  see  children  all  dressed  up  and  stiff  as 


HELEN'S    BABIES  15 

little  manikins,  when  they  go  out  to  ride. 
And  you  look  as  if  you'd  been  having  such  a 
good  time  with  them." 

"I — I  assure  you,  Miss  Mayton,"  said  I, 
"that  my  experience  has  been  the  exact  re 
verse  of  a  pleasant  one.  If  King  Herod  were 
yet  alive  I  'd  volunteer  as  an  executioner,  and 
engage  to  deliver  two  interesting  corpses  at 
a  moment's  notice." 

"You  dreadful  wretch!"  exclaimed  the 
lady.  "  Mother,  let  me  make  you  acquainted 
with  Mr.  Burton,  Helen  Lawrence's  brother. 
How  is  your  sister,  Mr.  Burton?" 

"I  don't  know,"  I  replied;  "she  has  gone 
with  her  husband  on  a  fortnight's  visit  to 
Captain  and  Mrs.  Wayne,  and  I've  been  silly 
enough  to  promise  to  have  an  eye  to  the  place 
while  they're  away." 

"Why,  how  delightful!"  exclaimed  Miss 
Mayton .  ' '  Such  horses !  Such  flowers !  Such 
a  cook!" 

"And  such  children,"  said  I,  glaring  sug 
gestively  at  the  imps,  and  rescuing  from 
Toddie  a  handkerchief  which  he  had  ex- 


14  HELEN'S    BABIES 

traded  from  my  pocket,  and  was  waving  to 
the  breeze. 

"Why,  they're  the  best  children  in  the 
world.  Helen  told  me  so  the  first  time  I  met 
her  this  season.  Children  will  be  children, 
you  know.  We  had  three  little  cousins  with 
us  last  summer,  and  I'm  sure  they  made  me 
look  years  older  than  I  really  am." 

"  How  young  you  must  be,  then,  Miss  May- 
ton!"  said  I.  I  suppose  I  looked  at  her  as 
if  I  meant  what  I  said,  for  although  she  in 
clined  her  head  and  said,  "Oh,  thank  you," 
she  didn't  seem  to  turn  my  compliment  off 
in  her  usual  invulnerable  style.  Nothing 
happening  in  the  course  of  conversation  ever 
discomposed  Alice  May  ton  for  more  than  a 
hundred  seconds,  however,  so  she  soon  recov 
ered  her  usual  expression  and  self-command, 
as  her  next  remark  fully  indicated. 

"  I  believe  you  arranged  the  floral  decora 
tions  at  the  St.  Zephaniah's  Fair,  last  winter, 
Mr.  Burton?  'Twas  the  most  tasteful  display 
of  the  season.  I  don't  wish  to  give  any  hints, 
but  at  Mrs.  Clarkson's,  where  we're  board- 


HELEN'S    BABIES  15 

ing,  there's  not  a  flower  in  the  whole  garden.  I 
break  the  Tenth  Commandment  dreadfully 
every  time  I  pass  Colonel  Lawrence's  garden. 
Good-by,  Mr.  Burton. 


I    BELIEVE    YOU    ARRANGED    THE    FLORAL    DECORATIONS  • 

"Ah,   thank   you;    I   shall  be  delighted, 
Good-by." 


i6  HELEN'S    BABIES 

"Of  course  you'll  call,"  said  Miss  Mayton, 
as  her  carriage  started.  "It's  dreadfully 
stupid  here — no  men  except  on  Sundays." 

I  bowed  assent.  In  the  contemplation  of 
all  the  shy  possibilities  which  my  short  chat 
with  Miss  Mayton  had  suggested,  I  had  quite 
forgotten  my  dusty  clothing  and  the  two  liv 
ing  causes  thereof.  While  in  Miss  Mayton 's 
presence  the  imps  had  preserved  perfect  si 
lence,  but  now  their  tongues  were  loosened. 

"  Uncle  Harry, "  said  Budge,  "  do  you  know 
how  to  make  whistles  ? ' ' 

"Unken  Hawwy,"  murmured  Toddie, 
"does  you  love  dat  lady?" 

"No,  Toddie,  of  course  not." 

"Then  you's  a  baddy  man,  an'  de  Lord 
won't  let  you  go  to  heaven  if  you  don't  love 
peoples." 

"Yes,  Budge,"  I  answered  hastily,  "I  do 
know  how  to  make  whistles,  and  you  shall 
have  one." 

"Lord  don't  like  mans  what  don't  love 
peoples,"  reiterated  Toddie. 

"  All  right,  Toddie, "  said  L     "  I'll  see  if  I 


HELEN'S    BABIES 


can't  please  the  Lord  some  way.     Driver, 

whip  up,  won't  you?    I'm  in  a  hurry  to  turn 

these  youngsters 

over  to  the  girl, 

and  ask  her  to 

drop  them  into 

the  bath-tub." 

I  found  Helen 
had  made  every 
possible  ar 
rangement  for 
my  comfort. 
Her  room  com 
manded  exquisite  views  of  mountain  slope 
and  valley,  and  even  the  fact  that  the  imps' 
bedroom  adjoined  mine  gave  me  comfort,  for 
I  thought  of  the  pleasure  of  contemplating 
them  while  they  were  asleep,  and  beyond  the 
power  of  tormenting  their  deluded  uncle. 

At  the  supper-table  Budge  and  Toddie  ap 
peared  cleanly  clothed  and  in  their  rightful 
faces.  Budge  seated  himself  at  the  table; 
Toddie  pushed  back  his  high-chair,  climbed 
into  it,  and  shouted:— 


DROPPING    THEM    INTO    THE    BATHTUB 


i8  HELEN'S    BABIES 

"Put  my  legs  under  ze  tabo!" 

Rightfully  construing  this  remark  as  a  re 
quest  to  be  moved  to  the  table,  I  fulfilled  his 
desire.  The  girl  poured  tea  for  me  and  milk 
2or  the  children,  and  retired;  and  then  I  re 
membered,  to  my  dismay,  that  Helen  never 
had  a  servant  in  the  dining-room,  except 
upon  grand  occasions,  her  idea  being  that 
servants  retail  to  their  friends  the  cream  of 
the  private  conversation  of  the  family  circle. 
In  principle  I  agreed  with  her,  but  the  pen 
alty  of  the  practical  application,  with  these 
two  little  cormorants  on  my  hands,  was 
greater  suffering  than  any  I  had  ever  been 
called  upon  to  endure  for  principle's  sake; 
but  there  was  no  help  for  it.  I  resignedly 
rapped  on  the  table,  bowed  my  head,  said, 
"  For  what  we  are  about  to  receive,  the  Lord 
make  us  thankful,"  and  asked  Budge  whether 
he  ate  bread  or  biscuit. 

"Why,  we  ain't  asked  no  blessin*  yet/' 
said  he. 

"  Yes,  I  did,  Budge,"  said  I.  "  Didn't  you 
hear  me?" 


HELEN'S    BABIES  19 

"Do  you  mean  what  you  said  just  now?" 

"Yes." 

"  Oh,  I  don't  think  that  was  no  blessin'  at 
all.  Papa  never  says  that  kind  of  a  blessin'." 

"What  does  papa  say,  may  I  ask?"  I  in 
quired,  with  becoming  meekness. 

"Why,  papa  says,  'Our  Father,  we  thank 
thee  for  this  food ;  mercifully  remember  with 
us  all  the  hungry  and  needy  to-day,  for 
Christ's  sake,  Amen.'  That's  what  he  says." 

''It  means  the  same  thing,  Budge." 

"I  don't  think  it  does;  and  Toddie  didn't 
have  no  time  to  say  his  blessin'.  I  don't 
think  the  Lord '11  like  it  if  you  do  it  that  way. " 

"Yes,  He  will,  old  boy;  He  knows  what 
people  mean." 

"  Well,  how  can  he  tell  what  Toddie  means 
if  Toddie  can't  say  anything?" 

"Wantsh  to  shay  my  blessin',"  whined 
Toddie. 

It  was  enough;  my  single  encounter  with 
Toddie  had  taught  me  to  respect  the  young 
gentleman's  force  of  character.  So  again  I 
bowed  my  head  and  repeated  what  Budge 


20  HELEN'S    BABIES 

had  reported  as  "papa's  blessin',"  Budge 
kindly  prompting  me  where  my  memory 
failed.  The  moment  I  began,  Toddie  com 
menced  to  jabber  rapidly  and  aloud,  and  the 
instant  the  "Amen"  was  pronounced  he 
raised  his  head  and  remarked  with  evident 
satisfaction  :— 

"  I  shed  my  blessin'  two  timesh." 
And  Budge  said  gravely:    "Now  I  guess 
we're  all  right." 

The  supper  was  an  exquisite  one,  but  the 
appetites  of  those  dreadful  children  effectu 
ally  prevented  my  enjoying  the  repast.  I 
hastily  retired,  called  the  girl,  and  instructed 
her  to  see  that  the  children  had  enough  to 
eat,  and  were  put  to  bed  immediately  after; 
then  I  lit  a  cigar  and  strolled  into  the  garden. 
The  roses  were  just  in  bloom,  the  air  was  full 
of  the  perfume  of  honeysuckles,  the  rhodo 
dendrons  had  not  disappeared,  while  I  saw 
promise  of  the  early  unfolding  of  many  other 
pet  flowers  of  mine.  I  confess  that  I  took  a 
careful  survey  of  the  garden  to  see  how  fine 
a  bouquet  I  might  make  for  Miss  Mayton, 


HELEN'S    BABIES  21 

and  was  so  abundantly  satisfied  with  the 
material  before  me  that  I  longed  to  begin 
the  work  at  once,  but  that  it  would  seem  too 
hasty  for  true  gentility.  So  I  paced  the 
'paths,  my  hands  behind  my  back,  and  my 
face  well  hidden  by  fragrant  clouds  of  smoke, 
and  went  into  wondering  and  reveries.  I 
wondered  if  there  was  any  sense  in  the  lan 
guage  of  flowers,  of  which  I  had  occasionally 
seen  mention  made  by  silly  writers ;  I  wished 
I  had  learned  it  if  it  had  any  meaning;  I 
wondered  if  Miss  May  ton  understood  it.  At 
any  rate,  I  fancied  I  could  arrange  flowers  to 
the  taste  of  any  lady  whose  face  I  had  ever 
seen;  and  for  Alice  Mayton  I  would  make 
something  so  superb  that  her  face  could  not 
help  lighting  up  when  she  beheld  it.  I 
imagined  just  how  her  bluish-gray  eyes  would 
brighten,  her  cheeks  would  redden, — not  with 
sentiment,  not  a  bit  of  it,  but  with  genuine 
pleasure, — how  her  strong  lips  would  part 
slightly  and  disclose  sweet  lines  not  displayed 
when  she  held  her  features  well  in  hand.  I — • 
I,  a  clear-headed,  driving,  successful  sales- 


22  HELEN'S    BABIES 

man  of  white  goods — actually  wished  I  might 
be  divested  of  all  nineteenth-century  abilities 
and  characteristics,  and  be  one  of  those  fairies 
that  only  silly  girls  and  crazy  poets  think  of, 
and  might,  unseen,  behold  the  meeting  of  my 
flowers  with  this  highly  cultivated  specimen 
of  the  only  sort  of  flowers  our  cities  produce. 
What  flower  did  she  most  resemble?  A  lily? 
— no;  too — not  exactly  too  bold,  but  too — 
too,  well,  I  couldn't  think  of  the  word,  but 
clearly  it  wasn't  bold.  A  rose?  Certainly, 
not  like  those  glorious  but  blazing  remon- 
tants,  nor  yet  like  the  shy,  delicate,  ethereal 
tea  roses  with  their  tender  suggestions  of 
color.  Like  this  perfect  Gloire  de  Dijon, 
perhaps;  strong,  vigorous,  self -asserting, 
among  its  more  delicate  sisterhood;  yet 
shapely,  perfect  in  outline  and  development, 
exquisite,  enchanting  in  its  never  fully  ana 
lyzed  tints,  yet  compelling  the  admiration  of 
everyone,  and  recalling  its  admirers  again  and 
again  by  the  unspoken  appeal  of  its  own  per 
fection — its  unvarying  radiance. 

' '  Ah — h — h — h — ee  — ee  — ee  — ee  — ee  — oo 


HELEN'S    BABIES  23 

—oo — oo — oo ! ' '  came  from  the  window  over 
my  head.  Then  came  a  shout  of — "  Uncle 
Harry!"  in  a  voice  I  recognized  as  that  of 
Budge.  I  made  no  reply:  there  are  mo 
ments  when  the  soul  is  full  of  utterances  unfit 
to  be  heard  by  childish  ears.  "  Uncle  Har- 
ray!"  repeated  Budge.  Then  I  heard  a  win 
dow  blind  open,  and  Budge  exclaiming  :— 

"  Uncle  Harry,  we  want  you  to  come  and 
tell  us  stories." 

I  turned  my  eyes  upward  quickly,  and  was 
about  to  send  a  savage  negative  in  the  same 
direction,  when  I  saw  in  the  window  a  face 
unknown  and  yet  remembered.  Could  those 
great,  wistful  eyes,  that  angelic  mouth,  that 
spiritual  expression,  belong  to  my  nephew 
Budge  ?  Yes,  it  must  be  certainly  that  super- 
celestial  nose  and  those  enormous  ears  never 
belonged  to  anyone  else.  I  turned  abruptly, 
and  entered  the  house,  and  was  received  at 
the  head  of  the  stairway  by  two  little  figures 
in  white,  the  larger  of  which  remarked:— 

"  We  want  you  to  tell  us  stories — papa  al 
ways  does  nights." 


24  HELEN'S    BABIES 

"  Very  well,  jump  into  bed — what  kind  of 
stories  do  you  like?" 

"Oh,  'bout  Jonah,"  said  Budge. 

"  'Bout  Jonah,"  echoed  Toddie. 

"  Well,  Jonah  was  out  in  the  sun  one  day, 
and  a  gourd -vine  grew  up  all  of  a  sudden,  and 
made  it  nice  and  shady  for  him,  and  then  it 
all  faded  as  quick  as  it  came." 

A  dead  silence  prevailed  for  a  moment,  and 
then  Budge  indignantly  remarked : 

"That  ain't  Jonah  a  bit — /  know  'bout 
Jonah." 

"Oh,  you  do,  do  you?"  said  I.  "Then 
maybe  you  '11  be  so  good  as  to  enlighten  me  ? ' ' 

"Huh?" 

"  If  you  know  about  Jonah,  tell  me  the 
story;  I'd  really  enjoy  listening  to  it." 

"  Well,"  said  Budge,  "  Once  upon  a  time  the 
Lord  told  Jonah  to  go  to  Nineveh  and  tell  the 
people  they  was  all  bad.  But  Jonah  didn't 
want  to  go,  so  he  went  on  a  boat  that  was 
going  to  Joppa.  An'  then  there  was  a  big 
storm,  an'  it  rained  an'  blowed  and  the  big 
waves  went  as  high  as  a  house.  An'  the 


HELEN'S    BABIES  25 

sailors  thought  there  must  be  somebody  on 
the  boat  that  the  Lord  didn't  like.  An' 
Jonah  said  he  guessed  he  was  the  man.  So 
they  picked  him  up  and  froed  him  in  the 
ocean,  an'  I  don't  think  it  was  well  for  'em  to 
do  that  after  Jonah  told  the  troof.  An'  a  big 


BUDGE'S  IDEA  OF  JONAH  AND  THE  WHALE 

whale  was  comin'  along,  an'  he  was  awful 
hungry,  'cos  the  little  fishes  what  he  likes  to 
eat  all  went  down  to  the  bottom  of  the  ocean 
when  it  began  to  storm,  and  whales  can't  go 
to  the  bottom  of  the  ocean,  'cos  they  have  to 


26  HELEN'S    BABIES 

come  up  to  breeve,  an'  little  fishes  don't. 
An'  Jonah  found  'twas  all  dark  inside  the 
whale,  and  there  wasn't  any  fire  there,  an'  it 
was  all  wet,  an'  he  couldn't  take  off  his 
clothes  to  dry,  'cos  there  wasn't  no  place  to 
hang  'em,  and  there  wrasn't  no  windows  to 
look  out  of,  nor  nothin'  to  eat,  nor  nothin'  nor 
nothin'  nor  nothin'.  So  he  asked  the  Lord 
to  let  him  out,  an'  the  Lord  was  sorry  for 
him,  an'  He  made  the  whale  go  up  close  to  the 
land,  an'  Jonah  jumped  right  out  of  his 
mouth,  and  wasn't  he  glad?  An'  then  he 
went  to  Nineveh,  an'  done  what  the  Lord 
told  him  to,  an'  he  ought  to  have  done  it  in 
the  first  place  if  he  had  known  what  was  good 
for  him." 

"  Done  first  pay  she,  know  what's  dood  for 
him,"  asserted  Toddie,  in  support  of  his 
brother's  assertion.  "  Tell  us  'nudder  story. " 

"  Oh,  no,  sing  us  a  song,"  suggested  Budge. 

"  Shing  us  shong,"  echoed  Toddie. 

I  searched  my  mind  for  a  song,  but  the 
only  one  which  came  promptly  was  "M'Ap- 
pari,"  several  bars  of  which  I  gave  my  juve  .* 


HELEN'S    BABIES  27 

nile  audience,  when  Budge  interrupted  me, 
saying  :— 

"  I  don't  think  that's  a  very  good  song/* 

"Why  not,  Budge?" 

"  'Cos  I  don't.  I  don't  know  a  word  what 
you're  talking  'bout." 

"Shing  'bout  'Glory,  glory,  hallelulyah,'" 
suggested  Toddie,  and  I  meekly  obeyed.  The 
old  air  has  a  wonderful  influence  over  me.  I 
heard  it  in  western  campmeetings  and  negro 
cabins  when  I  was  a  boy;  I  saw  the  22nd 
Massachusetts  march  down  Broadway,  sing 
ing  the  same  air  during  the  rush  to  the  front 
in  the  early  days  of  the  war;  I  have  heard  it 
sung  by  warrior  tongues  in  nearly  every 
southern  state;  I  heard  it  roared  by  three 
hundred  good  old  Hunker  Democrats  as  they 
escorted  New  York's  first  colored  regiment  to 
their  place  of  embarkation;  my  old  brigade 
sang  it  softly,  but  with  a  swing  that  was  terri 
ble  in  its  earnestness,  as  they  lay  behind  their 
stacks  of  arms  just  before  going  into  action; 
I  have  heard  it  played  over  the  grave  of  many 
a  dead  comrade;  the  semi-mutinous  — th 


28  HELEN'S    BABIES 

cavalry  became  peaceful  and  patriotic  again, 
as  their  bandmaster  played  the  old  air  after 
having  asked  permission  to  try  his  hand  on 
them;  it  is  the  same  that  burst  forth  spon 
taneously  in  our  barracks,  on  that  glorious 
morning  when  we  learned  that  the  war  was 
.over,  and  it  was  sung,  with  words  adapted  to 
the  occasion,  by  some  good  rebel  friends  of 
mine,  on  our  first  social  meeting  after  the 
war.  All  these  recollections  came  hurrying 
into  my  mind  as  I  sang,  and  probably  excited 
me  beyond  my  knowledge.  For  Budge  sud 
denly  remarked : — 

"  Don't  sing  that  all  day,  Uncle  Harry ;  you 
sing  so  loud,  it  hurts  my  head." 

"  Beg  your  pardon,  Budge, "  said  I.  "  Good 
night." 

"Why,  Uncle  Harry,  are  you  going?  You 
didn't  hear  us  say  our  prayers, — papa  always 
does." 

"Oh!     Well,  go  ahead." 

'You  must  say  yours  first,"  said  Budge; 
"that's  the  way  papa  does." 

"Very  well,"  said  I,  and   I  repeated  St. 


HELEN'S    BABIES 


29 


Chrysostom's  prayer,  from  the  Episcopal 
service.  I  had  hardly  said  "Amen,"  when 
Budge  remarked  :— 

"  My  papa  don't  say  any  of  them  things  at 
all;  I  don't  think  that's  a  very  good  prayer." 
"  Well,  you  say  a  good  prayer,  Budge." 
"  All  right. ' '     Budge  shut  his  eyes,  dropped 

his  voice  to  the 
most  perfect 
tone  of  suppli- 
cation,  while 
his  face  seemed 
i  fit  for  a  sleep 


ing  angel ;  then 
he  said : — 

"  Dear  Lord, 

we  thank  you  for  lettin*  us 
have  a  good  time  to-day, 
an'  we  hope  all  the  little 
boys  everywhere  have  had 
good  times  too.  We  pray 
you  to  take  care  of  us  an' 
everybody  else  to-night,  an'  don't  let  'em 
have  any  trouble.  Oh,  yes,  an'  Uncle  Harry's 


WE  HOPE  HE  S   GOT 
LOTS  OF  CANDY" 


30  HELEN'S    BABIES 

got  some  candy  in  his  trunk,  'cos  he  said  so 
in  the  carriage, — we  thank  you  for  lettin' 
Uncle  Harry  come  to  see  us,  an'  we  hope  he's 
got  lots  of  candy — lots  an'  piles.  An'  we 
pray  you  to  take  care  of  all  the  poor  little 
boys  and  girls  that  haven't  got  any  papas 
an'  mammas  an'  Uncle  Harrys  an'  candy  anr 
beds  to  sleep  in.  An'  take  us  all  to  Heaven 
when  we  die,  for  Christ's  sake.  Amen.  Now 
give  us  the  candy,  Uncle  Harry. " 

"Hush,  Budge;  don't  Toddie  say  any 
prayers  ? ' ' 

"Oh,  yes;  go  on,  Tod." 

Toddie  closed  his  eyes,  wriggled,  twisted, 
breathed  hard  and  quick,  acting  generally  as 
if  prayers  were  principally  a  matter  of  phys 
ical  exertion.  At  last  he  began:— 

"  Dee  Lord,  not  make  me  sho  bad,  an'  besh 
mamma,  an'  papa,  an'  Budgie,  an'  doppity,* 
an'  both  boggies,f  an'  all  good  people  in  dish 
house,  an'  everybody  else,  an'  my  dolly. 
A — a — amen!" 

*  Grandfather.  f  Grandmothers. 


HELEN'S    BABIES  31 

"  Now  give  us  the  candy, "  said  Budge,  with 
the  usual  echo  from  Toddie. 

I  hastily  extracted  the  candy  from  my 
trunk,  gave  some  to  each  boy,  the  recipients 
fairly  shrieking  with  delight,  and  once  more 
said  good  night. 

"  Oh,  you  didn't  give  us  any  pennies,"  said 
Budge.  "  Papa  gives  us  some  to  put  in  our 
banks,  every  night." 

"Well,  I  haven't  got  any  now — wait  until 
to-morrow." 

"Then  we  want  drinks." 

"I'll  let  Maggie  bring  you  drink." 

"  Want  my  dolly,"  murmured  Toddie. 

I  found  the  knotted  towels,  took  the  dirty 
things  up  gingerly  and  threw  them  upon  the 
bed. 

"Now  want  to  shee  wheels  go  wound," 
said  Toddie. 

I  hurried  out  of  the  room  and  slammed  the 
door.  I  looked  at  my  watch — it  was  half- 
past  eight;  I  had  spent  an  hour  and  a  half 
with  those  dreadful  children.  They  were 
funny,  to  be  sure — I  found  myself  laughing, 


32  HELEN'S    BABIES 

in  spite  of  my  indignation.  Still,  if  they  were 
to  monopolize  my  time  as  they  had  already 
done,  when  was  I  to  do  my  reading  ?  Taking 
Fiske's  "  Cosmic  Philosophy ' '  from  my  trunk, 
I  descended  to  the  back  parlor,  lit  a  cigar  and 
a  student-lamp,  and  began  to  read.  I  had 
not  fairly  commenced  when  I  heard  a  patter 
of  small  feet,  and  saw  my  elder  nephew  be 
fore  me.  There  was  sorrowful  protestation 
in  every  line  of  his  countenance,  as  he  ex 
claimed  : — 

'  You  didn't  say  '  Good-by,'  nor  *  God  bless 
you,'  nor  anything.'* 

"Oh— good-by." 

"Good-by." 

"God  bless  you." 

"God  bless  you." 

Budge  seemed  waiting  for  something  else. 
At  last  he  said:— 

"  Papa  says,  '  God  bless  everybody/  ' 

"Well, God  bless  everybody." 

"God  bless  everybody,"  responded  Budge, 
and  turned  silently  and  went  upstairs. 
"  Bless  your  tormenting  honest  little  heart. " 


HELEN'S    BABIES  33 

I  said  to  myself;  "  if  men  trusted  God  as  you 
do  your  papa,  how  little  business  there 'd  be 
for  preachers  to  do." 

The  night  was  a  perfect  one.  The  pure, 
fresh  air,  the  perfume  of  the  flowers,  the  mu 
sic  of  the  insect  choir  in  the  trees  and  shrub 
bery — the  very  season  itself  seemed  to  forbid 
my  reading  philosophy,  so  I  laid  Fiske  aside, 
delighted  myself  with  a  few  rare  bits  from 
Paul  Hayne's  new  volume  of  poems,  read  a 
few  chapters  of  "One  Summer,"  and  finally 
sauntered  off  to  bed .  My  nephews  were  slum 
bering  sweetly ;  it  seemed  impossible  that  the 
pure,  exquisite,  angelic  faces  before  me  be 
longed  to  my  tormentors  of  a  few  hours  be 
fore.  As  I  lay  on  my  couch  I  could  see  the 
dark  shadow  and  rugged  crest  of  the  moun 
tain;  above  it,  the  silver  stars  against  the 
blue,  and  below  it  the  rival  lights  of  the  fire- 
•flies  against  the  dark  background  formed  by 
the  mountain  itself.  No  rumbling  of  wheels 
tormented  me,  nor  any  of  the  thousand  noises 
that  fill  city  air  with  the  spirit  of  unrest,  and 
I  fell  into  a  wonder  almost  indignant  that 


34  HELEN'S    BABIES 

sensible,  comfort-loving  beings  could  live  in 
horrible  New  York,  while  such  delightful 
rural  homes  were  so  near  at  hand.  Then 
Alice  Mayton  came  into  my  mind,  and  then 
a  customer;  later,  stars  and  trade-marks,  and 
bouquets,  and  dirty  nephews,  and  fireflies 
and  bad  accounts,  and  railway  tickets,  and 
candy  and  Herbert  Spencer,  mixed  them 
selves  confusingly  in  my  mind.  Then  a  vi 
sion  of  a  proud  angel,  in  the  most  fashionable 
attire  and  a  modern  carriage,  came  and  ban 
ished  them  all  by  its  perfect  radiance,  and  I 
was  sinking  in  the  most  blissful  unconscious 
ness— 

"  Ah— h— h— h— h— 1 


ee — ee — ee — 

"Sh— h— h!"  I  hissed 


The  warning  was  heeded,  and  I  soon  re 
lapsed  into  oblivion. 

"  Ah — h — h — h — oo — oo — ee — ee — EE — ee ! " 

"  Toddie,  do  you  want  your  uncle  to  whip 
you?" 

"No." 

"Then  lie  still/' 


HELEN'S    BABIES 


35 


"Well,  I'ze  lost  my  dolly,  an'  I  tan't  find 
her  anywhere." 

"Well,  I  '11  find  her  for  you  in  the  morning. " 

"Oo— oo— ee— 
I  want  my 
dolly." 

"Well,  I  tell 
you  I'll  find  her 
for  you  in  the 
morning." 

"  I  want  her 
now — oo — oo— 

"You  can't 
have  her  now,  so 
you  can  go  to 
sleep." 


I    ENCOUNTERED    A    DOOR    AJAR 


Springing  madly  to  my  feet,  I  started  for 
the  offender's  room.  I  encountered  a  door 
ajar  by  the  way,  my  forehead  being  the  first 
to  discover  it.  I  ground  my  teeth,  lit  a 
candle,  and  said  something — no  matter  what. 

"Oh,  you  said  a  bad  swear! "  ejaculated  Tod- 
die;  "  you  won't  go  to  heaven  when  you  die." 


36  HELEN'S   BABIES 

"  Neither  will  you,  if  you  howl  like  a  little 
demon  all  night.  Are  you  going  to  be  quiet, 
now?" 

"  Yesh,  but  I  wants  my  dolly." 
"  /  don't  know  where  your  dolly  is — do  you 
suppose  I  'm  going  to  search  this  entire  house 
for  that  confounded  dolly?" 

"  'T ain't  'founded.     I  wants  my  dolly." 
"I  don't  know  where  it   is.     You  don't 
think  I  stole  your  dolly,  do  you?" 
"Well,  I  wants  it,  in  de  bed  wif  me." 
"Charles,"  said  I,  "when  you  arise  in  the 
morning,  I  hope  your  doll  will  be  found.     At 
present,  however,  you  must  be  resigned  and 
go  to  sleep.     1 11  cover  you  up  nicely ' ' ;  here  I 
began  to  rearrange  the  bed  clothing,  when  the 
fateful  dolly,  source  of  all  my  woes,  tumbled 
out  of  them.     Tod  die  clutched  it,  his  whole 
face  lighting  up  with  affectionate  delight,  and 
he  screamed:— 

"Oh,  dare  is  my  dee  dolly;  turn  to  your 
own  papa,  dolly,  an'  I'll  love  you." 

And  that  ridiculous  child  was  so  complete 
ly  satisfied  by  his  outlay  of  affection,  that  my 


HELEN'S   BABIES 


37 


own  indignation  gave  place  to  genuine  artis 
tic  pleasure.  One  can  tire  of  even  beautiful 
pictures,  though,  when  he  is  not  fully  awake, 

and  is  holding  a  candle 
in  a  draught  of  air;  so 
I  covered  my  nephews 
and  returned  to  my  own 


THE  DOLLY  FOUND 


room,  where  I  mused  upon  the  contradic- 
toriness  of  childhood  until  I  fell  asleep. 
In  the  morning  I  was  awakened  very  early 


38  HELEN'S    BABIES 

by  the  light  streaming  in  the  window,  the 
blinds  of  which  I  had  left  open  the  night  be 
fore.  The  air  was  alive  with  bird-song,  and 
the  eastern  sky  was  flushed  with  tints  which 
no  painter's  canvas  ever  caught.  But  ante- 
sunrise  skies  and  songs  are  not  fit  subjects 
for  the  continued  contemplation  of  men  who 
read  until  midnight;  so  I  hastily  closed  the 
blinds,  drew  the  shade,  dropped  the  curtains 
and  lay  down  again,  dreamily  thanking 
Heaven  that  I  was  to  fall  asleep  to  such  ex 
quisite  music.  I  am  sure  that  I  mentally 
forgave  all  my  enemies  as  I  dropped  off  into 
a  most  delicious  doze,  but  the  sudden  realiza 
tion  that  a  light  hand  was  passing  over  my 
cheek  roused  me  to  savage  anger  in  an  in 
stant.  I  sprang  up,  and  saw  Budge  shrink 
timidly  away  from  my  bedside. 

"  I  was  only  lovin'  you,  'cos  you  was  good, 
and  brought  us  candy.  Papa  lets  us  love  him 
whenever  we  want  to— every  morning  he  does . ' ' 

"As  early  as  this?"  demanded  I. 

14  Yes,  just  as  soon  as  we  can  see,  if  we  want 
to/' 


HELEN'S    BABIES  39 

Poor  Tom!  I  never  could  comprehend 
why,  with  a  good  wife,  a  comfortable  income, 
and  a  clear  conscience,  he  need  always  look 
thin  and  worn — worse  than  he  ever  did  in 
Virginia  woods  or  Louisiana  swamps.  But 
now  I  knew  all.  And  yet,  what  could  one 
do?  That  child's  eyes  and  voice,  and  his 
expression,  which  exceeded  in  sweetness  that 
of  any  of  the  angels  I  had  ever  imagined, — • 
that  child  could  coax  a  man  to  do  more  self- 
forgetting  deeds  than  the  shortening  of  his 
precious  sleeping-hours  amounted  to.  In 
fact,  he  was  fast  divesting  me  of  my  rightful 
sleepiness,  so  I  kissed  him  and  said:— 

"  Run  to  bed,  now,  dear  old  fellow,  and  let 
uncle  go  to  sleep  again.  After  breakfast  I'll 
make  you  a  whistle." 

"  Oh !  will  you  ? ' '  The  angel  turned  into  a 
boy  at  once. 

'Yes;  now  run  along." 

"  A  loud  whistle — a  real  loud  one?" 

"Yes,  but  not  if  you  don't  go  right  back 
to  bed." 

The  sound  of  little  footsteps  receded  as  I 


40  HELEN'S    BABIES 

turned  over  and  closed  my  eyes.  Speedily 
the  bird-song  seemed  to  grow  fainter;  my 
thoughts  dropped  to  pieces;  I  seemed  to  be 
floating  on  fleecy  clouds,  in  company  with 
hundreds  of  cherubs  with  Budge's  features 
and  night-drawers— 

"Uncle  Harry!" 

May  the  Lord  forget  the  prayer  I  put  up 
just  then! 

"I'll  discipline  ycr,  my  fine  little  boy," 
thought  I.  "  Perhaps,  if  I  let  you  shriek 
your  abominable  little  throat  hoarse,  you'll 
learn  better  than  to  torment  your  uncle, 
that  was  just  getting  ready  to  love  you 
dearly." 

11  Uncle  Har— ray!" 

"Howl  away,  you  little  imp,"  thought  I. 
"You've  got  me  wide  awake,  and  your  lungs 
may  suffer  for  it."  Suddenly  I  heard,  al 
though  in  sleepy  tones,  and  with  a  lazy 
drawl,  some  words  which  appalled  me.  The 
murmurer  was  Toddie:— 

"  Want — shee — wheels — go — wound. " 

"Budge!"  I  shouted,  in  the  desperation  of 


HELEN'S    BABIES 


my  dread  lest  Toddie,  too,  might  wake  up, 
"  what  do  you  want  ? ' ' 

"Uncle  Harry!" 

-WHAT!" 

"  Uncle  Harry,  what  kind  of  wood  are  you 
going  to  make  the  whistle  out  of  ? " 

"I  won't  make  any  at  all — 111  cut  a  big 
stick  and  give 
you  a  soun d 
whipping  with  it, 
for  not  keeping 
quiet,  as  I  told 
you  to." 

"Why,  Uncle 
Harry,  papa  don't 
whip  us  with 
sticks— he  spanks 
us." 

Heavens ! 
Papa!  papa! 


papa 


!     Was    I 


never      to       have  "PAPA  DON'T  WHIP  us  WITH  STICKS'! 

done  with  this  eternal  quotation  of '  'papa' '  ?  I 
was  horrified  to  find  myself  gradually  con- 


42  HELEN'S    BABIES 

ceiving  a  dire  hatred  of  my  excellent  brother- 
in-law.  One  thing  was  certain,  at  any  rate: 
sleep  was  no  longer  possible;  so  I  hastily 
dressed  and  went  into  the  garden.  Among 
the  beauty  and  the  fragrance  of  the  flowers, 
and  in  the  delicious  morning  air,  I  succeeded 
in  regaining  my  temper,  and  was  delighted, 
on  answering  the  breakfast-bell,  two  hours 
later,  to  have  Budge  accost  me  with  :— 

"  Why,  Uncle  Harry,  where  was  you?  We 
looked  all  over  the  house  for  you,  and 
couldn't  find  a  speck  of  you.'' 

The  breakfast  was  an  excellent  one.  I 
afterward  learned  that  Helen,  dear  old  girl, 
had  herself  prepared  a  bill  of  fare  for  every 
meal  I  should  take  in  the  house.  As  the 
table  talk  of  myself  and  nephews  was  not 
such  as  could  do  harm  by  being  repeated,  I 
requested  Maggie,  the  servant,  to  wait  upon 
the  children,  and  I  accompanied  my  request 
with  a  small  treasury  note.  Relieved,  thus, 
of  all  responsibility  for  the  dreadful  appetites 
of  my  nephews,  I  did  full  justice  to  the  repast, 
and  even  regarded  with  some  interest  and 


HELEN'S    BABIES  43 

amusement  the  industry  of  Budge  and  Toddle 
with  their  tiny  forks  and  spoons.  They  ate 
rapidly  for  a  while,  but  soon  their  appetites 
weakened  and  their  tongues  were  unloosed. 

"OckenHawwy,  "remarked  Toddie,  "daysh 
an  awfoo  funny  chunt  up  'tairs — awfoo  big 
chunt.  I  show  it  you  after  brepspup." 

" Toddie 's  a  silly  little  boy,"  said  Budge; 
"he  always  says  brepspup  for  brekbux."* 

"Oh!  What  does  he  mean  by  chunt, 
Budge?" 

"  I  guess  he  means  trunk,"  replied  my  old 
est  nephew. 

Recollections  of  my  childish  delight  in 
rummaging  an  old  trunk — it  seems  a  century 
ago  that  I  did  it — caused  me  to  smile  sym 
pathetically  at  Toddie,  to  his  apparent  great 
delight.  "How  delightful  it  is  to  strike  a 
sympathetic  chord  in  child  nature,"  thought 
I;  "how  quickly  the  infant  eye  comprehends 
the  look  which  precedes  the  verbal  expression 
of  an  idea  ?  Dear  Toddie !  for  years  we  might 
sit  at  one  table,  careless  of  each  other's  words, 

*  Breakfast. 


44  HELEN'S    BABIES 

but  the  casual  mention  of  one  of  thy  delights 
has  suddenly  brought  our  souls  into  that 
sweetest  of  all  human  communions — that 
one  which  doubtless  bound  the  Master  him 
self  to  that  apostle  who  was  otherwise  ap 
parently  the  weakest  among  the  chosen 
twelve."  "An  awfoo  funny  chunt"  seemed 
to  annihilate  suddenly  all  differences  of  age, 
condition  and  experience  between  the  wee 
boy  and  myself,  and— 

A  direful  thought  struck  me.  I  dashed  up 
stairs  and  into  my  room.  Yes,  he  did  mean 
my  trunk.  /  could  see  nothing  funny  about 
it — quite  the  contrary.  The  bond  of  sym 
pathy  between  my  nephew  and  myself  was 
suddenly  broken.  Looking  at  the  matter 
from  the  comparative  distance  which  a  few 
weeks  have  placed  between  that  day  and 
this,  I  can  see  that  I  was  unable  to  consider 
the  scene  before  me  with  a  calm  and  un 
prejudiced  mind.  I  am  now  satisfied  that 
the  sudden  birth  and  hasty  decease  of  my 
sympathy  with  Toddie  were  striking  in 
stances  of  human  inconsistency.  My  soul 


HELEN'S    BABIES 


45 


had  gone  out  to  his  because  he  loved  to  rum 
mage  in  trunks,  and  because  I  imagined  he 
loved  to  see  the  monument  of  incongruous 
material  which  resulted  from  such  an  opera 
tion  ;  the  scene  before  me  showed  clearly  that 


AN    AMATEUR    IN    PACKING 


I  had  rightly  divined  my  nephew's  nature. 
And  yet  my  selfish  instincts  hastened  to 
obscure  my  soul's  vision,  and  to  prevent  that 
joy  which  should  ensue  when  "faith  is  lost 
in  full  fruition/' 


46  HELEN'S    BABIES 

My  trunk  had  contained  nearly  every^ 
thing,  for  while  a  campaigner  I  had  learned 
to  reduce  packing  to  an  exact  science.  Now, 
had  there  been  an  atom  of  pride  in  my  com 
position  I  might  have  glorified  myself,  for  it 
certainly  seemed  as  if  the  heap  upon  the 
floor  could  never  have  come  out  of  a  single 
trunk.  Clearly,  Toddie  was  more  of  a  gen 
eral  connoisseur  than  an  amateur  in  packing. 
The  method  of  his  work  I  quickly  discerned, 
and  the  discovery  threw  some  light  upon  the 
size  of  the  heap  in  front  of  my  trunk.  A 
dress  hat  and  its  case,  when  their  natural 
relationship  is  dissolved,  occupy  nearly  twice 
as  much  space  as  before,  even  if  the  former 
contains  a  blacking-box  not  usually  kept  in 
it,  and  the  latter  a  few  cigars  soaking  in  bay 
rum.  The  same  might  be  said  of  a  portable 
dressing-case  and  its  contents,  bought  for  me 
in  Vienna  by  a  brother  ex-soldier,  and  de 
signed  by  an  old  Continental  campaigner  to 
be  perfection  itself.  The  straps  which  pre 
vented  the  cover  from  falling  entirely  back 
had  been  cut,  broken  or  parted  in  some  way, 


HELEN'S   BABIES  47 

and  in  its  hollow  lay  my  dress-coat,  tightly 
rolled  up.  Snatching  it  up  with  a  violent 
exclamation,  and  unrolling  it,  there  dropped 
from  it — one  of  those  infernal  dolls.  At  the 
same  time  a  howl  was  sounded  from  the  door 
way. 

'  You  tookted  my  dolly  out  of  her  cradle — 
I  want  to  wock*  my  dolly — oo — oo — oo — ee 
-ee— ee— !" 

"You  young  scoundrel!"  I  screamed — 
yes,  howled,  I  was  so  enraged — "  I've  a  great 
mind  to  cut  your  throat  this  minute.  What 
do  you  mean  by  meddling  with  my  trunk  ? ' ' 

"I — doe — know."  Outward  turned  Tod- 
die's  lower  lip;  I  believe  the  sight  of  it  would 
move  a  Bengal  tiger  to  pity,  but  no  such 
thought  occurred  to  me  just  then. 

"  What  made  you  do  it?" 

"Be— cause." 

"Because  what?" 

"I— doe— know." 

Just  then  a  terrific  roar  arose  from  the 
garden.  Looking  out,  I  saw  Budge  with  a 

*  Rock. 


48  HELEN'S    BABIES 

bleeding  finger  upon  one  hand,  and  my  razor 
in  the  other;  he  afterward  explained  he  had 
been  making  a  boat,  and  that  the  knife  was 
bad  to  him.  To  apply  adhesive  plaster  to 
the  cut  was  the  work  of  but  a  minute,  and 
I  had  barely  completed  this  surgical  opera 
tion  when  Tom's  gardener-coachman  ap 
peared,  and  handed  me  a  letter.  It  was 
addressed  in  Helen's  well-known  hand,  and 
read  as  follows  (the  passages  in  brackets 
were  my  own  comments)  :— 

"BLOOMDALE,  JUNE  21,  1875. 

"DEAR  HARRY: — I'm  very  happy  in  the  thought 
that  you  are  with  my  darling  children,  and,  although 
I'm  having  a  lovely  time  here,  I  often  wish  I  was  with 
you.  [Ump — so  do  I.]  I  want  you  to  know  the 
little  treasures  real  well.  [Thank  you,  but  I  don't 
think  I  care  to  extend  the  acquaintanceship  farther 
than  is  absolutely  necessary.]  It  seems  to  me  so  un 
natural  that  relatives  know  so  little  of  those  of  their 
own  blood,  and  especially  of  the  innocent  little  spirits 
whose  existence  is  almost  unheeded.  [Not  when 
there's  unlocked  trunks  standing  about,  sis.] 

"Now  I  want  to  ask  a  favor  of  you.  When  we  were 
boys  and  girls  at  home,  you  used  to  talk  perfect  oceans 
about  physiognomy,  and  phrenology,  and  unerring 
signs  of  character.  I  thought  it  was  all  nonsense  then, 
but  if  you  believe  it  now ,  I  wish  you'd  study  the  chil 
dren,  and  give  me  your  well-considered  opinion  of 


HELEN'S    BABIES  49 

them.     [Perfect  demons,  ma'am;  imps,  rascals,  born 
to  be  hung — both  of  them.] 

"  I  can't  get  over  the  feeling  that  dear  Budge  is  born 
for  something  grand.  [Grand  nuisance.]  He  is  some 
times  so  thoughtful  and  so  absorbed,  that  I  almost 
fear  the  result  of  disturbing  him;  then,  he  has  that 
faculty  of  perseverance  which  seems  to  be  the  only 
thing  some  men  have  lacked  to  make  them  great. 
[He  certainly  has  it;  he  exemplified  it  while  I  was  try 
ing  to  get  to  sleep  this  morning.] 

"  Toddie  is  going  to  make  a  poet  or  a  musician  or  an 
artist.  [That's  so;  all  abominable  scamps  take  to 
some  artistic  pursuit  as  an  excuse  for  loafing.]  His 
fancies  take  hold  of  him  very  strongly.  [They  do — 
they  do;  "shee  wheels  go  wound,"  for  instance.]  He 
has  not  Budgie's  sublime  earnestness,  but  he  doesn't 
need  it;  the  irresistible  force  with  which  he  is  drawn 
toward  whatever  is  beautiful  compensates  for  the 
lack.  [Ah — perhaps  that  explains  his  operation  with 
my  trunk.]  But  I  want  your  own  opinion,  for  I  know 
you  make  more  careful  distinction  in  character  than 
I  do. 

"Delighting  myself  with  the  idea  that  I  deserve 
most  of  the  credit  for  the  lots  of  reading  you  will  have 
done  by  this  time,  and  hoping  I  shall  soon  have  a  line 
telling  me  how  my  darlings  are,  I  am,  as  ever, 

' '  Your  loving  sister, 

"HELEN." 

Seldom  have  I  been  so  roused  by  a  letter 
as  I  was  by  this  one,  and  never  did  I  promise 
myself  more  genuine  pleasure  in  writing  a 
reply.  I  determined  that  it  should  be  a 


50  HELEN'S    BABIES 

masterpiece  of  analysis  and  of  calm  yet  for 
cible  expression  of  opinion. 

Upon  one  step,  at  any  rate,  I  was  positive 
ly  determined.  Calling  the  girl,  I  asked  her 
where  the  key  was  that  locked  the  door  be 
tween  my  room  and  the  children. 

"Please,  sir,  Toddie  threw  it  down  the 
well." 

"  Is  there  a  locksmith  in  the  village?" 

"  No,  sir;  the  nearest  one  is  at  Paterson." 

"  Is  there  a  screw-driver  in  the  house?" 

"Yes,  sir." 

"  Bring  it  to  me,  and  tell  the  coachman  to 
get  ready  at  once  to  drive  me  to  Paterson." 

The  screw-driver  was  brought,  and  with  it 
I  removed  the  lock,  got  into  the  carriage, 
and  told  the  driver  to  take  me  to  Paterson 
by  the  hill  road — one  of  the  most  beautiful 
roads  in  America. 

"  Paterson ! ' '  exclaimed  Budge.  "  Oh, 
there's  a  candy  store  in  that  town;  come  on, 
Toddie." 

"  Will  you? ' '  thought  I,  snatching  the  whip 
and  giving  the  horses  a  cut.  "Not  if  /  can 


HELEN'S    BABIES  51 

help  it.     The  idea  of  having  such  a  drive 
spoiled  by  the  clatter  of  such  a  couple ! ' ' 

Away  went  the  horses,  and  up  went  a  pierc 
ing  shriek  and  a  terrible  roar.  It  seemed 
that  both  children  must  have  been  mortally 
hurt,  and  I  looked  out  hastily,  only  to  see 
Budge  and  Toddie  running  after  the  carriage, 
and  crying  pitifully.  It  was  too  pitiful, — I 
could  not  have  proceeded  without  them,  even 
if  they  had  been  inflicted  with  smallpox.  The 
driver  stopped  of  his  own  accord, — he  seemed 
to  know  the  children's  ways  and  their  re 
sults, — and  I  helped  Budge  and  Toddie  in, 
meekly  hoping  that  the  eye  of  Providence 
was  upon  me,  and  that  so  self-sacrificing  an 
act  would  be  duly  passed  to  my  credit.  As 
we  reached  the  hill  road,  my  kindness  to  my 
nephews  seemed  to  assume  greater  propor 
tions,  for  the  view  before  me  was  inexpress 
ibly  beautiful.  The  air  was  perfectly  clear, 
and  across  two  score  towns  I  saw  the  great 
metropolis  itself,  the  silent  city  of  Greenwood 
beyond  it,  the  bay,  the  Narrows,  the  Sound, 
the  two  silvery  rivers  lying  between  me  and 


52  HELEN'S    BABIES 

the  Palisades,  and  even,  across  and  to  the 
south  of  Brooklyn,  the  ocean  itself.  Won 
derful  effects  of  light  and  shadow,  picturesque 
masses,  composed  of  detached  buildings,  so 
far  distant  that  they  seemed  huddled  togeth 
er;  grim  factories  turned  to  beautiful  palaces 
by  the  dazzling  reflection  of  sunlight  from 
their  window-panes;  great  ships  seeming  in 
the  distance  to  be  toy  boats  floating  idly; — 
with  no  signs  of  life  perceptible,  the  whole 
scene  recalled  the  fairy  stories  read  in  my 
youthful  days,  of  enchanted  cities,  and  the 
illusion  was  greatly  strengthened  by  the 
dragon-like  shape  of  the  roof  of  New  York's 
new  post-office,  lying  in  the  center  of  every 
thing,  and  seeming  to  brood  over  all. 

"Uncle  Harry !" 

Ah,  that  was  what  I  expected! 

"Uncle  Harry !" 

"Well,  Budge?" 

"  I  always  think  that  looks  like  heaven." 

"What  does?" 

"Why,  all  that, — from  here  over  to  that 
other  sky  'way  back  there  behind  everything, 


HELEN'S    BABIES  53 

I  mean.  And  I  think  that  (here  he  pointed 
toward  what  probably  was  a  photographer's 
roof -light) — that  place  where  it's  so  shiny,  is 
where  God  stays." 

Bless  the  child !  The  scene  had  suggested 
only  elfmdom  to  me,  and  yet  I  prided  myself 
on  my  quick  sense  of  artistic  effects. 

"An'  over  there  where  that  awful  bright 
little  speck  is,"  continued  Budge,  "that's 
where  dear  little  brother  Phillie  is ;  whenever 
I  look  over  there,  I  see  him  putting  his  hand 
out." 

"  Dee  'ittle  Phillie  went  to  s'eep  in  a  box, 
and  ze  Lord  took  him  to  heaven,"  murmured 
Toddie,  putting  together  all  he  had  seen  and 
heard  of  death.  Then  he  raised  his  voice  and 
exclaimed  :— • 

"  Ocken  Hawwy,  you  know  what  Iz'he  go- 
in'  do  when  I  be's  big  man?  Iz'he  goin'  to 
have  hosses  an'  tarridge,  an'  Iz'he  goin'  to 
wide  over  all  ze  chees  an'  all  ze  houses  an'  all 
ze  world  an'  evvyfing.  An'  whole  lots  of 
little  birdies  is  comin'  in  my  tarridge  an'  sing 
songs  to  me,  an'  you  can  come  too  if  you  want 


54  HELEN'S    BABIES 

to,  an*  we'll  have  ice-cream  an'  trawberries 
an'  see  'ittle  fishes  swimmin'  down  in  ze  wa 
ter,  an'  we'll  get  a  g'eat  big  house  that's  all 
p'itty  on  the  outshide  an'  all  p'itty  on  the 
inshide,  an'  it'll  all  be  ours  an'  we'll  do  just 
ewyfing  we  want  to." 

"Toddie,  you're  an  idealist." 

"Ain't  a  'dealisht." 

" Toddie 's  a  goosey-gander,"  remarked 
Budge,  with  great  gravity.  "Uncle  Harry, 
do  you  think  heaven's  as  nice  as  that  place 
over  there?" 

"  Yes,  Budge,  a  great  deal  nicer." 

"Then  why  don't  we  die  an'  go  there?  I 
don't  want  to  go  on  livin'  forever  an'  ever. 
I  don't  see  why  we  don't  die  right  away;  I 
think  we've  lived  enough  of  days." 

"The  Lord  wants  us  to  live  until  we  get 
good  and  strong  and  smart,  and  do  a  great 
deal  of  good  before  we  die,  old  fellow — that's 
why  we  don't  die  right  away." 

"  Well,  I  want  to  see  dear  little  Phillie,  an' 
if  the  Lord  won't  let  him  come  down  here,  I 
think  he  might  let  me  die  an'  go  to  heaven. 


HELEN'S    BABIES  55 

Little  Phillie  always  laughed  when  I  jumped 
for  him.  Uncle  Harry,  angels  has  wings, 
don't  they?" 

"  Some  people  think  they  have,  old  boy." 

"  Well,  I  know  they  don't,  'cos  if  Phillie  had 
wings,  I  know  he'd  fly  right  down  an'  see  me. 
So  they  don't." 

"  But  maybe  he  has  to  go  somewhere  else, 
Budge,  or  maybe  he  comes  and  you  can't  see 
him.  We  can't  see  angels  with  our  eyes,  you 
know." 

"Then  what  made  the  Hebrew  children  in 
the  fiery  furnace  see  one?  Their  eyes  was 
just  like  ours,  wasn't  they?  I  don't  care;  I 
want  to  see  dear  little  Phillie  awful  much. 
Uncle  Harry,  if  I  went  to  heaven,  do  you 
know  what  I'd  do?" 

"  What  would  you  do,  Budge?" 

"Why,  after  I  saw  little  Phillie,  I'd  go 
right  up  to  the  Lord  an'  give  him  a  great  big 
hug." 

"What  for,  Budge?" 

"Oh,  'cos  he  lets  us  have  nice  times,  an' 
gave  me  my  mamma  an'  papa,  an'  Phillie— 


56  HELEN'S    BABIES 

but  he  took  him  away  again — an'  Toddie,  but 

Toddie's    a    dreadful   bad    boy    sometimes, 

though." 

'     "Very  true,  Budge,"  said  I,  remembering 

my  trunk  and  the  object  of  my  ride. 

"  Uncle  Harry,  did  you  ever  see  the  Lord  ? " 
"  No,  Budge;  he  has  been  very  close  to  me 

a  good  many  times,  but  I  never  saw  him." 
"  Well,  /  have;  I  see  him  every  time  I  look 

up  in  the  sky,  and  there  ain't  nobody  with 


me." 


The  driver  crossed  himself  and  whispered, 
"He's  foriver  a-sayin'  that,  an'  be  the  powers, 
I  belave  him.  Sometimes  ye'd  think  that 
the  howly  saints  themselves  was  a-spakin' 
whin  that  bye  gits  to  goin'  on  that  way." 

It  was  wonderful.  Budge's  countenance 
seemed  too  pure  to  be  of  the  earth  as  he  con 
tinued  to  express  his  ideas  of  the  better  land 
and  its  denizens.  As  for  Toddie,  his  tongue 
was  going  incessantly,  although  in  a  tone 
scarcely  audible;  but  when  I  chanced  to 
catch  his  expressions,  they  were  so  droll  and 
fanciful,  that  I  took  him  upon  my  lap  that  I 


HELEN'S    BABIES  57 

might  hear  him  more  distinctly.  I  even  de 
tected  myself  in  the  act  of  examining  the 
mental  draft  of  my  proposed  letter  to  Helen, 
and  of  being  ashamed  of  it.  But  neither 
Toddie's  fancy  nor  Budge's  spirituality 
caused  me  to  forget  the  principal  object  of 
my  ride.  I  found  a  locksmith  and  left  the 
lock  to  be  fitted  with  a  key;  then  we  drove 
to  the  Falls.  Both  boys  discharged  volleys 
of  questions  as  we  stood  by  the  gorge,  and  the 
fact  that  the  roar  of  the  falling  water  pre 
vented  me  from  hearing  them  did  not  cause 
them  to  relax  their  efforts  in  the  least.  I 
walked  to  the  hotel  for  a  cigar,  taking  the 
children  with  me.  I  certainly  spent  no  more 
than  three  minutes  in  selecting  and  lighting 
a  cigar,  and  asking  the  barkeeper  a  few  ques 
tions  about  the  Falls;  but  when  I  turned,  the 
children  were  missing,  nor  could  I  see  them 
in  any  direction.  Suddenly,  before  my  eyes, 
arose  from  the  nearer  brink  of  the  gorge  two 
yellowish  disks,  which  I  recognized  as  the 
hats  of  my  nephews ;  then  I  saw  between  the 
disks  and  me  two  small  figures  lying  upon  the 


58 


bounded 


HELEN'S    BABIES 


ground.      I 
was    afraid 
toshout,for 
fear  of  scar 
ing  them  if 
they  hap 
pened    to 
hear  me.    I 
across     the 
grass,     industriously 
raving  and  praying  by 
turns.  They  were  lying 
on  their  stomachs  and 
looking  over  the  edge 
of    the     cliff.      I    ap 
proached  them  on  tiptoe,  threw 
myself  upon  the  ground,  and 
grasped  a  foot  of  each  child. 

'  'Oh,  Uncle  Harry  !'  '  screamed 
Budge  in  my  ear,  as  I  dragged 
him  close  to  me,  kissing  and 
shaking  him  alternately;  "I 


i  HUNGED  OVER  hunged  over  more  than  Toddie 

MORE       THAN  -  .  -     ,, 

TODDIE  DID"          QIQ. 


HELEN'S    BABIES  59 

"  Well,  I— I— I— I— I— I-  I— hunged  over 
a  good  deal,  anyhow,11  said  Toddie,  in  self- 
defense. 

That  afternoon  I  devoted  to  making  a  bou 
quet  for  Miss  Mayton,  and  a  most  delightful 
occupation  I  found  it.  It  was  no  florist's 
bouquet,  composed  of  only  a  few  kinds  of 
flowers,  wired  upon  sticks,  and  arranged  ac 
cording  to  geometric  pattern.  I  used  many 
a  rare  flower,  too  shy  of  bloom  to  recommend 
itself  to  florists;  I  combined  tints  almost  as 
numerous  as  the  flowers  were,  and  perfumes 
to  which  city  bouquets  are  utter  strangers. 
Arranging  flowers  is  a  favorite  pastime  of 
mine,  but  upon  this  particular  occasion  I  en 
joyed  my  work  more  than  I  had  ever  done 
before.  Not  that  I  was  in  love  with  Miss 
Mayton;  a  man  may  honestly  and  strongly 
admire  a  handsome,  brilliant  woman  without 
being  in  love  with  her ;  he  can  delight  himself 
in  trying  to  give  her  pleasure,  without  feeling 
it  necessary  that  she  shall  give  him  herself  in 
return.  Since  I  arrived  at  years  of  discretion 
I  have  always"  smiled  sarcastically  at  the 


60  HELEN'S    BABIES 

mention  of  the  generosity  of  men  who  were 
in  love ;  they  have  seemed  to  me  rather  to  be 
asking  an  immense  price  for  what  they  offered. 
I  had  no  such  feeling  toward  Miss  Mayton. 
There  have  been  heathens  who  have  offered 
gifts  to  goddesses  out  of  pure  adoration  and 
without  any  idea  of  ever  having  the  exclusive 
companionship  of  their  favorite  divinities.  I 
never  offered  Miss  Mayton  any  attention 
which  did  not  put  me  into  closer  sympathy 
with  these  same  great-souled  old  Pagans ;  and 
with  such  Christians  as  follow  their  good  ex 
ample.  With  each  new  grace  my  bouquet 
took  on,  my  pleasure  and  satisfaction  in 
creased  at  the  thought  of  how  she  would  enjoy 
the  completed  evidence  of  my  taste. 

At  length  it  was  finished,  but  my  delight 
suddenly  became  clouded  by  the  dreadful 
thought,  "What  will  folks  say?"  Had  we 
been  in  New  York  instead  of  Hillcrest,  no  one 
but  the  florist,  his  messenger,  the  lady  and 
myself  would  know  if  I  sent  a  bouquet  to 
Miss  Mayton;  but  in  Hillcrest,  with  its  sev 
eral  hundred  native-born  gossips,  and  its 


HELEN'S    BABIES  61 

acquaintance  of  everybody  with  everybody 
else  and  their  affairs — I  feared  talk.  Upon 
the  discretion  of  Mike,  the  coachman,  I  could 
safely  rely ;  I  had  already  confidentially  con 
veyed  sundry  bits  of  fractional  currency  to 
him,  and  informed  him  of  one  of  the  parties 
at  our  store  whose  family  Mike  had  known  in 
Old  Erin;  but  every  one  knew  where  Mike 
was  employed ;  every  one  knew — mysterious, 
unseen  and  swift  are  the  ways  of  communi 
cation  in  the  country! — that  I  was  the  only 
gentleman  at  present  residing  at  Colonel 
Lawrence's.  Ah! — I  had  it.  I  had  seen  in 
one  of  the  library  drawers  a  small  pasteboard 
box,  shaped  like  a  bandbox — doubtless  that 
would  hold  it.  I  found  the  box — it  was  of 
just  the  size  I  needed.  I  dropped  my  card 
into  the  bottom — no  danger  of  a  lady  not 
finding  the  card  accompanying  a  gift  of  flow 
ers — neatly  fitted  the  bouquet  in  the  center 
of  the  box,  and  went  in  search  of  Mike.  He 
winked  cheeringly  as  I  explained  the  nature 
of  his  errand,  and  he  whispered:— 

"  I'll  do  it  as  clane  as  a  whistle,  yer  honor. 


62  HELEN'S    BABIES 

Mistress  Clarkson's  cook  an'  mesilf  under- 
sthand  each  other,  an'  I'm  used  to  goin'  up 
the  back  way.  Dhivil  a  man  can  see  but  the 
angels,  an'  they  won't  tell." 

"Very  well,  Mike;  here's  a  dollar  for  you; 
you'll  find  the  box  on  the  hat-rack,  in  the 
hall." 

Half  an  hour  later,  while  I  sat  in  my  cham 
ber  window,  reading,  I  beheld  Mike,  cleanly 
shaved,  dressed  and  brushed,  swinging  up  the 
road,  with  my  box  balanced  on  one  of  his 
enormous  hands.  With  a  head  full  of  pleas 
ing  fancies,  I  went  down  to  supper.  My  new 
friends  were  unusually  good.  Their  ride 
seemed  to  have  toned  down  their  boisterous- 
ness  and  elevated  their  little  souls ;  their  ap 
petites  exhibited  no  diminution  of  force,  but 
they  talked  but  little,  and  all  that  they  said 
was  smart,  funny,  or  startling — so  much  so 
that  when,  after  supper,  they  invited  me  to 
put  them  to  bed,  I  gladly  accepted  the  invi 
tation.  Toddie  disappeared  somewhere,  and 
came  back  very  disconsolate. 

"  I  can't  find  my  dolly's  k'adle,"  he  whined. 


HELEN'S    BABIES  63 

"Never  mind,  old  pet,"  said  I,  soothingly. 
"Uncle  will  ride  you  on  his  foot." 

"But  I  want  my  dolly's  k'adle,"  said  he, 
piteously  rolling  out  his  lower  lip. 

I  remembered  my  experience  when  Toddie 
wanted  to  "shee  wheels  go  wound,"  and  I 
trembled. 

"Toddie,"  said  I,  in  a  tone  so  persuasive 
that  it  would  be  worth  thousands  a  year  to 
me,  as  a  salesman,  if  I  could  only  command 
it  at  will;  "Toddie,  don't  you  want  to  ride 
on  uncle's  back?" 

"No;  want  my  dolly's  k'adle." 

"  Don't  you  want  me  to  tell  you  a  story?'* 

For  a  moment  Toddie 's  face  indicated  a 
terrible  internal  conflict  between  old  Adam 
and  mother  Eve,  but  curiosity  finally  over 
powered  natural  depravity,  and  Toddie  mur 
mured:— "Yesh." 

"What  shall  I  tell  you  about?" 

"  'Bout  Nawndeark." 

"About  what?" 

"He  means  Noah  an*  the  ark,"  exclaimed 
Budge. 


64  HELEN'S    BABIES 

"  Datsh  what  /  shay — Nawndeark,"  de 
clared  Toddie. 

"  Well,"  said  I,  hastily  refreshing  my  mem 
ory  by  picking  up  the  Bible, — for  Helen,  like 
most  people,  is  pretty  sure  to  forget  to  pack 
her  Bible  when  she  runs  away  from  home  for 
a  few  days,—  •"  well,  once  it  rained  forty  days 
and  nights,  and  everybody  was  drowned  from 
the  face  of  the  earth  excepting  Noah,  a 
righteous  man,  who  was  saved  with  all  his 
family,  in  an  ark  which  the  Lord  commanded 
him  to  build." 

"  Uncle  Harry,"  said  Budge,  after  contem 
plating  me  with  open  eyes  and  mouth  for  at 
least  two  minutes  after  I  had  finished,  "do 
you  think  that's  Noah?" 

"Certainly,  Budge;  here's  the  whole  story 
in  the  Bible." 

"Well,  /  don't  think  it's  Noah  one  single 
bit,"  said  he,  with  increasing  emphasis. 

"I'm  beginning  to  think  we  read  different 
Bibles,  Budge;  but  let's  hear  your  version." 

"Huh?" 


HELEN'S    BABIES  65 

"  Tell  me  about  Noah,  if  you  know  so  much 
about  him/' 

"  I  will,  if  you  want  me  to.  Once  the  Lord 
felt  so  uncomfortable  'cos  folks  was  bad  that 
he  was  sorry  he  ever  made  anybody,  or  any 
world  or  anything.  But  Noah  wasn't  bad — • 
the  Lord  liked  him  first-rate,  so  he  told  Noah 
to  build  a  big  ark,  and  then  the  Lord  would 
make  it  rain  so  everybody  should  be  drown- 
ded  but  Noah  an*  his  little  boys  an'  girls,  an* 
doggies,  an'  pussies,  an'  mamma  cows,  an* 
little-boy  cows,  an'  little-girl  cows,  an'  hosses, 
an'  everything — they'd  go  in  the  ark  an* 
wouldn't  get  wetted  a  bit,  when  it  rained. 
An'  Noah  took  lots  of  things  to  eat  in  the 
ark — cookies  an'  milk,  an'  oatmeal  an'  straw 
berries,  an'  porgies  an' — oh,  yes;  an'  plum 
puddin's  an'  pumpkin  pies.  But  Noah  didn't 
want  everybody  to  get  drownded,  so  he 
talked  to  folksy  an'  said,  'It's  goin'  to  rain 
awful  pretty  soon;  you'd  better  be  good,  an* 
then  the  Lord  11  let  you  come  into  my  ark/ 
An'  they  jus'  said  '  Oh,  if  it  rains  we'll  go  in 
the  house  till  it  stops';  an'  other  folks  said, 


66  HELEN'S    BABIES 

1  We  ain't  afraid  of  rain — we've  got  an  um 
brella.'  An'  some  more  said,  they  wasn't 
goin'  to  be  afraid  of  just  a  rain.  But  it  did 
rain,  though,  an'  folks  went  in  their  houses 
an'  the  water  came  in,  an'  they  got  on  the 
tops  of  the  houses,  an'  up  in  big  trees,  an'  up 
in  mountains,  an'  the  water  went  after  'em 
everywhere  an'  drownded  everybody,  only 
just  except  Noah  and  the  people  in  the  ark. 
An'  it  rained  forty  days  an'  nights,  an'  then 
it  stopped,  an'  Noah  got  out  of  the  ark,  an' 
he  an'  his  little  boys  an'  girls  went  wherever 
they  wanted  to,  an*  everything  in  the  world 
was  all  theirs;  there  wasn't  anybody  to  tell 
'em  to  go  home,  nor  no  Kindergarten  schools 
to  go  to,  nor  no  bad  boys  to  fight  'em,  nor 
nothin'.  Now  tell  us  'nother  story." 

I  determined  that  I  would  not  again  at 
tempt  to  repeat  portions  of  the  Scripture 
narrative — my  experience  in  that  direction 
had  not  been  encouraging.  I  ventured  upon 
a  war  story. 

" Do  you  know  what  the  war  was?"  I 
asked,  by  way  of  reconnoissance. 


HELEN'S    BABIES 


67 


"Oh,  yes,"  said  Budge,  "papa  was  there, 
an'  he's  got  a  sword;  don't  you  see  it,  hangin' 
up  there?" 

Yes,  I  saw  it, 
and  the  difference 
between  the  terri 
ble  field  where  last 
I  saw  Tom's  sword 
in  action,  and  this 
quiet  room  where 
it  now  hung,  forced 
me  into  a  reverie 
from  which  I  was 
aroused  by  Budge 
remarking : — 

"Ain't  you  goin'  to  tell  us  one?" 

"  Oh,  yes,  Budge.  One  day  while  the  war 
was  going  on,  there  was  a  whole  lot  of  soldiers 
going  along  a  road,  and  they  were  hungry  as 
they  could  be;  they  hadn't  had  anything  to 
eat  that  day." 

"  Why  didn't  they  go  into  the  houses,  and 
tell  the  people  they  was  hungry?  That's 
what  I  do  when  I  goes  along  roads." 


WE  VE    GOT    AN    UMBRELLA  .5 


68  HELEN'S    BABIES 

"  Because  the  people  in  that  country  didn't 
like  them;  the  brothers  and  papas  and  hus 
bands  of  those  people  were  soldiers,  too;  but 
they  didn't  like  the  soldiers  I  told  you  about 
first,  and  they  wanted  to  kill  them." 

"  I  don't  think  they  were  a  bit  nice,"  said 
Budge,  with  considerable  decision. 

"  Well,  the  first  soldiers  wanted  to  kill  them, 
Budge." 

"Then  they  was  all  bad,  to  want  to  kill 
each  other." 

" Oh,  no,  they  weren't;  there  were  a  great 
many  real  good  men  on  both  sides." 

Poor  Budge  looked  sadly  puzzled,  as  he 
had  an  excellent  right  to  do,  since  the  wisest 
and  best  men  are  sorely  perplexed  by  the 
nature  of  warlike  feeling. 

"Both  parties  of  soldiers  were  on  horse 
back,"  I  continued,  "and  they  were  near 
each  other,  and  when  they  saw  each  other 
they  made  their  horses  run  fast,  and  the  bu 
gles  blew,  and  the  soldiers  all  took  their 
swords  out  to  kill  each  other  with.  Just  then 
a  little  boy,  who  had  been  out  in  the  woods 


HELEN'S    BABIES  69 

to  pick  berries  for  his  mamma,  tried  to  run 
across  the  road,  and  caught  his  toe  some  way, 
and  fell  down  and  cried.  Then  somebody 
hallooed  '  Halt ! '  very  loud,  and  all  the  horses 
on  one  side  stopped,  and  then  somebody  else 
hallooed  '  Halt ! '  and  a  lot  of  bugles  blew,  and 
every  horse  on  the  other  side  stopped,  and 
one  soldier  jumped  off  his  horse,  and  picked 
up  the  little  boy — he  was  only  about  as  big 
as  you,  Budge — and  tried  to  comfort  him, 
and  then  a  soldier  from  the  other  side  came 
up  to  look  at  him;  and  then  more  soldiers 
came  from  both  sides  to  look  at  him;  and 
when  he  got  better  and  walked  home,  the 
soldiers  all  rode  away,  because  they  didn't 
feel  like  fighting  just  then." 

"  O  Uncle  Harry!  I  think  it  was  an  awful 
good  soldier  that  got  off  his  horse  to  take 
care  of  that  poor  little  boy." 

"Do  you,  Budge?  who  do  you  think  it 
was?" 

"Idunno." 

"  It  was  your  papa/ 

"Oh— h— h— h— h!"    If  Tom  could  have 


70  HELEN'S    BABIES 

but  seen  the  expression  upon  his  boy's  face 
as  he  prolonged  this  exclamation,  his  loss  of 
one  of  the  grandest  chances  a  cavalry  officer 
ever  had  would  not  have  seemed  so  great  to 
him  as  it  had  done  for  years.  He  seemed  to 
take  in  the  story  in  all  its  bearings,  and  his 
great  eyes  grew  in  depth  as  they  took  on  the 
far-away  look  which  seemed  too  earnest  for 
the  strength  of  an  earthly  being  to  support. 

But  Toddie  —  he  who  a  fond  mamma 
thought  endowed  with  art  sense — Toddie  had 
throughout  my  recital  the  air  of  a  man  who 
was  musing  on  some  affair  of  his  own,  and 
Budge's  exclamation  had  hardly  died  away, 
when  Toddie  commenced  to  weave  aloud  an 
extravaganza  wholly  his  own. 

"  When  I  was  a  soldier/'  he  remarked,  very 
gravely,  "I  had  a  coat  an'  a  hat  on,  an'  a 
'muff,  an'  a  little  knake*  wound  my  neck  to 
keep  me  warm,  an'  it  wained,  an'  hailed,  an' 
'tormed,  an'  I  felt  bad,  so  I  whallowed  a 
sword  an'  burned  me  all  down  dead." 

"And  how  did  you  get  here?"  I  asked, 

*  Snake:  tippet. 


HELEN'S    BABIES  71 

with  interest  proportioned  to  the  importance 
of  Toddie's  last  clause. 

"Oh,  I  got  up  from  the  burn-down  dead, 
an'  corned  right  here.  I  want  my  dolly's 
k'adle." 

O  persistent  little  dragon!  If  you  were  of 
age,  what  a  fortune  you  might  make  in  busi 
ness! 

"Uncle  Harry, 
I  wish  my  papa 
would  come 
home  right 
a  way ,"  said 
Budge. 

4 'Why, Budge?" 

"I  want  to  love 
him  for  bein'  so 
good  to  that 
poor  little  boy  in 
the  war." 

"Ocken    Haw- 

WHEN  I  WAS  A    SOLDIER,       REMARKED 

wy,  I  wants  my  TODDIE 

dolly's  k'adle,  'tause  my  dolly's  in  it,  an'  I 

want  to  shee  her";  thus  spake  Toddie 


72  HELEN'S    BABIES 

"  Don't  you  think  the  Lord  loved  my  papa 
awful  much  for  doin'  that  sweet  thing,  Uncle 
Harry?"  asked  Budge. 

11  Yes,  old  fellow,  I  feel  sure  that  he  did." 

"  Lord  lovesh  my  papa  vewy  much,  so  I 
love  ze  Lord  vewy  much,"  remarked  Toddie. 
"An'  I  wants  my  dolly's  k'adle  an'  my 
dolly." 

"Toddie,  I  don't  know  where  either  of 
them  are — I  can't  find  them  now — do  wait 
until  morning,  when  Uncle  Harry  will  look 
for  them." 

"  I  don't  see  how  the  Lord  can  get  along 
in  heaven  without  my  papa,  Uncle  Harry," 
said  Budge. 

"Lord  takesh  papa  to  heaven,  an'  Budge 
an'  -me,  and  we'll  go  walkin'  an'  see  ze  Lord, 
an  play  wif  ze  angels'  wings,  an  hazh  good 
timsh,  an'  never  have  to  go  to  bed  at  all,  at 
all." 

Pure-hearted  little  innocents!  compared 
with  older  people  whom  we  endure,  how  great 
thy  faith  and  how  few  thy  faults!  How 
superior  thy  love— 


HELEN'S    BABIES  73 

A  knock  at  the  door  interrupted  me. 
"Come  in!"  I  shouted. 

In  stepped  Mike,  with  an  air  of  the  great 
est  secrecy,  handed  me  a  letter  and  the  iden 
tical  box  in  which  I  had  sent  the  flowers  to 
Miss  May  ton.  What  could  it  mean?  I 
hastily  opened  the  envelope,  and  at  the  same 
time  Toddie  shrieked:— 

"  Oh,  darsh  my  dolly's  k'adle— dare  tizh! " 

snatched  and  opened  the  box,  and  displayed 

—his  doll!     My  heart  sickened,  and  did  not 

regain  its  strength  during  the  perusal  of  the 

following  note:— 

"Miss  Mayton  herewith  returns  to  Mr.  Burton  the 
package  which  just  arrived,  with  his  card.  She  recog 
nizes  the  contents  as  a  portion  of  the  apparent  proper 
ty  of  one  of  Mr.  Burton's  nephews,  but  is  unable  to 
understand  why  it  should  have  been  sent  to  her. 

"JUNE  20,  1875." 

'  Toddie/'  I  roared,  as  my  younger  nephew 
caressed  his  loathsome  doll,  and  murmured 
endearing  words  to  it,  "  where  did  you  get 
that  box?" 

"On  the  hat-wack,"  replied  the  youth, 
with  perfect  fearlessness.  "  I  keeps  it  in  ze 


74  HELEN'S    BABIES 

book-case  djawer,  and  somebody  took  it 
'way,  and  put  nasty  ole  flowers  in  it." 

"Where  are  those  flowers?"  I  demanded. 

Toddie  looked  up  with  considerable  sur 
prise,  but  promptly  replied  :— 

"I  froed  'em  away — don't  want  no  ole 
flowers  in  my  dolly's  k'adle.  That's  ze  way 
she  wocks — see!"  And  the  horrible  little 
destroyer  of  human  hopes  rolled  that  box 
back  and  forth  with  the  most  utter  uncon 
cern,  as  be  spoke  endearing  words  to  the  sub 
stitute  for  my  beautiful  bouquet ! 

To  say  that  I  looked  at  Toddie  reprovingly 
is  to  express  my  feelings  in  the  most  inade 
quate  language,  but  of  language  in  which  to 
express  my  feelings  to  Toddie,  I  could  find 
absolutely  none.  Within  two  or  three  short 
moments  I  had  discovered  how  very  anxious 
I  really  was  to  merit  Miss  May  ton's  regard, 
and  how  very  different  was  the  regard  I 
wanted  from  that  which  I  had  previously 
hoped  might  be  accorded  me.  It  seemed  too 
ridiculous  to  be  true  that  I,  who  had  for  years 
had  dozens  of  charming  lady  acquaintances, 


HELEN'S    BABIES  75 

and  yet  had  always  maintained  my  common 
sense  and  self-control;  I,  who  had  always 
considered  it  unmanly  for  a  man  to  specially 
interest  himself  in  any  lady  until  he  had  an 
income  of  five  thousand  a  year;  I,  who  had 
skilfully,  and  many  times,  argued  that  life 
attachments,  or  attempts  thereat,  which  were 
made  without  a  careful  preliminary  study  of 
the  mental  characteristics  of  the  partner  de 
sired,  were  the  most  unpardonable  folly, — / 
had  transgressed  every  one  of  my  own  rules, 
and,  as  if  to  mock  me  for  any  pretended  wis 
dom  and  care,  my  weakness  was  made  known 
to  me  by  a  three-year-old  marplot  and  a  hid 
eous  rag  doll! 

That  merciful  and  ennobling  dispensation 
by  which  Providence  enables  us  to  temper 
the  severity  of  our  own  sufferings  by  alleviat 
ing  those  of  others,,  came  soon  to  my  rescue. 
Under  my  stern  glance,  Toddie  gradually  lost 
interest  in  his  doll  and  its  cradle,  and  began 
to  thrust  forth  and  outward  his  piteous  lower 
lip,  and  to  weep  copiously. 

"  Dee  Lord  not  make  me  sho  bad,"  he  cried 


76  HELEN'S    BABIES 

through  his  tears.  I  doubt  his  having  had 
any  very  clear  idea  of  what  he  was  saying,  or 
whom  he  was  addressing;  but  had  the  pub 
lican  of  whose  prayer  Toddie  made  so  fair  a 
paraphrase  worn  such  a  face  when  he  offered 
his  famous  petition,  it  could  not  have  been 
denied  for  a  moment.  Toddie  even  retired 
to  a  corner,  and  hid  his  face  in  self-imposed 
penance. 

"  Never  mind,  Toddie,"  said  I  sadly;  "  you 
didn't  mean  to  do  it,  I  know." 

"  I  wantsh  to  love  you,"  sobbed  Toddie. 

"Well,  come  here,  you  poor  little  fellow," 
said  I,  opening  my  arms,  and  wondering 
whether  'twas  not  after  contemplation  of 
some  such  sinner  that  good  Bishop  Tegner 
wrote  :— 

"  Depths  of  love  are  atonement's  depths,  for  love  is 
atonement." 

Toddie  came  to  my  arms,  shed  tears  freely 
upon  my  shirt-front,  and  finally,  after  heav 
ing  a  very  long  sigh,  remarked:— 

"  Wantsh  you  to  love  me." 

I  complied  with  his  request.    Theoretically, 


HELEN'S    BABIES  77 

I  had  long  believed  that  the  higher  wisdom 
of  the  Creator  was  most  frequently  expressed 
through  the  medium  of  his  most  innocent 
creations.  Surely  here  was  a  confirmation  of 
my  theory,  for  who  else  had  ever  practically 
taught  me  the  duty  of  the  injured  one  toward 
his  offender?  I  kissed  Toddie  and  petted 
him,  and  at  length  succeeded  in  quieting  him; 
his  little  face,  in  spite  of  much  dirt  and  many 
tear-stains,  was  upturned  with  more  of 
beauty  in  it  than  it  ever  held  when  its  owner 
was  full  of  joy;  he  looked  earnestly,  confid 
ingly,  into  my  eyes,  and  I  congratulated  my 
self  upon  the  perfection  of  my  forgiving  spirit, 
when  Toddie  suddenly  re-exhibited  to  me  my 
old  unregenerate  nature,  and  the  incomplete 
ness  of  my  forgiveness,  by  saying:— 

"  Kish  my  dolly,  too." 

I  obeyed.  My  forgiveness  was  made  com 
plete,  but  so  was  my  humiliation.  I  abruptly 
closed  our  interview.  We  exchanged  "  God 
bless  you's,"  according  to  Budge's  instruc 
tions  of  the  previous  night,  and  at  least  one 
of  the  participants  in  this  devotional  exercise 


78  HELEN'S    BABIES 

hoped  the  petitions  made  by  the  other  were 
distinctly  heard.  Then  I  dropped  into  an 
easy-chair  in  the  library,  and  fell  to  thinking. 
I  found  myself  really  and  seriously  troubled 
by  the  results  of  Toddie's  operation  with  my 
bouquet.  I  might  explain  the  matter  to  Miss 
May  ton — I  undoubtedly  could,  for  she  was 
too  sensible  a  woman  to  be  easily  offended 
merely  by  a  ridiculous  mistake,  caused  by  a 
child.  But  she  would  laugh  at  me — how 
could  she  help  it  ? — and  to  be  laughed  at  by 
Miss  Mayton  was  a  something,  the  mere 
thought  of  which  tormented  me  in  a  manner 
that  made  me  fairly  ashamed  of  myself.  Like 
every  other  young  man  among  young  men,  I 
had  been  the  butt  of  many  a  rough  joke,  and 
had  borne  them  without  wincing;  it  seemed 
cowardly  and  contemptible  that  I  should  be 
so  sensitive  under  the  mere  thought  of  laugh 
ter  which  would  probably  be  heard  by  no  one 
but  Miss  Mayton  herself.  But  the  laughter 
of  a  mere  acquaintance  is  likely  to  lessen  re 
spect  for  the  person  laughed  at.  Heavens! 
the  thought  was  unendurable!  At  any  rate, 


HELEN'S    BABIES 


79 


I  must  write  an  early  apology.  When  I  was 
correspondent  for  the  house  with  which  I  am 
now  salesman,  I  reclaimed  many  an  old  cus 
tomer  who  had  wandered  off — certainly  I 


KISH    MY    DOLLY,    TOO 


might  hope,  by  a  well- writ  ten  letter,  to  regain 
in  Miss  Mayton's  respect  whatever  position  I 
had  lost.  I  hastily  drafted  a  letter,  corrected 
it  carefully,  copied  it  in  due  form,  and  for- 


8o  HELEN'S    BABIES 

warded  it  by  the  faithful  Michael.  Then  I 
tried  to  read,  but  without  the  least  success. 
For  hours  I  paced  the  piazza  and  consumed 
cigars;  when  at  last  I  retired  it  was  with 
many  ideas,  hopes,  fears,  and  fancies  which, 
had  never  before  been  mine.  True  to  my 
trust,  I  looked  into  my  nephews'  room;  there 
lay  the  boys,  in  postures  more  graceful  than 
any  which  brush  or  chisel  have  ever  repro 
duced.  Toddie,  in  particular,  wore  so  lovely 
an  expression  that  I  could  not  refrain  from 
kissing  him.  But  I  was  none  the  less  careful 
to  make  use  of  my  new  key,  and  to  lock  my 
other  door  also. 

The  next  day  was  the  Sabbath.  Believing 
fully  in  the  binding  force  and  worldly  wisdom 
of  the  Fourth  Commandment,  so  far  as  it 
refers  to  rest,  I  have  conscientiously  trained 
myself  to  sleep  two  hours  later  on  the  morn 
ing  of  the  holy  day  than  I  ever  allowed  my 
self  to  do  on  business  days.  But  having  in 
herited,  besides  a  New  England  conscience, 
a  New  England  abhorrence  of  waste,  I  regu 
larly  sit  up  two  hours  later  on  Saturday 


HELEN'S    BABIES  81 

nights  than  on  any  others;  and  the  night 
preceding  this  particular  Sabbath  was  no 
exception  to  the  rule,  as  the  reader  may 
imagine  from  the  foregoing  recital.  At  about 
5.30  A.M.,  however,  I  became  conscious  that 
my  nephews  were  not  in  accord  with  me  on  the 
Sinaitic  law.  They  were  not  only  awake,  but 
were  disputing  vigorously,  and,  seemingly 
very  loudly,  for  I  heard  their  words  quite  dis 
tinctly.  With  sleepy  condescension  I  en 
deavored  to  ignore  these  noisy  irreverents, 
but  I  was  suddenly  moved  to  a  belief  in  the 
doctrine  of  vicarious  atonement,  for  a  flying 
body,  with  more  momentum  than  weight, 
struck  me  upon  the  not  prominent  bridge  of 
my  nose,  and  speedily  and  with  unnecessary 
force  accommodated  itself  to  the  outline  of 
my  eyes.  After  a  moment  spent  in  anguish,  and 
in  wondering  how  the  missive  came  through 
closed  doors  and  windows,  I  discovered  that 
my  pain  had  been  caused  by  one  of  the  dolls, 
which  from  its  extreme  uncleanness,  I  sus 
pected  belonged  to  Toddie ;  I  also  discovered 
that  the  door  between  the  rooms  was  open. 


82  HELEN'S    BABIES 

"  Who  threw  that  doll? ' '  I  shouted,  sternly, 

There  came  no  response. 

"  Do  you  hear ? ' '  I  roared. 

"  What  is  it,  Uncle  Harry?"  asked  Budge, 
with  most  exquisitely  polite  inflection, 

"Who  threw  that  doll?" 

"Huh?" 

"  I  say,  who  threw  that  doll?" 

"Why,  nobody  did  it." 

"Toddie,  who  threw  that  doll?" 

"Budge  did,"  replied  Toddie,  in  muffled 
tones,  suggestive  of  a  brotherly  hand  laid 
forcibly  over  a  pair  of  small  lips. 

"Budge,  what  did  you  do  it  for?" 

"  Why — why — I — because — why,  you  see 
— because,  why,  Toddie  froo  his  dolly  in  my 
mouth;  some  of  her  hair  went  in,  anyhow, 
an'  I  didn't  want  his  dolly  in  my  mouth,  so  I 
sent  it  back  to  him,  an'  the  foot  of  the  bed 
didn't  stick  up  enough,  so  it  went  froo  the 
door  to  your  bed — that's  what  for." 

The  explanation  seemed  to  bear  marks  of 
genuineness,  albeit  the  pain  in  my  eye  was 
not  alleviated  thereby,  while  the  exertion  ex- 


HELENA    BABIES  83 

pended  in  eliciting  the  information  had  so 
thoroughly  awakened  me  that  further  sleep 
was  out  of  the  question.  Besides,  the  open 
door — had  a  burglar  been  in  the  room  ?  No, 
my  watch  and  pocket-book  were  undisturbed. 

"  Budge,  who  opened  that  door?" 

After  some  hesitation,  as  if  wondering  who 
really  did  it,  Budge  replied: — 

41  Me." 

''How  did  you  do  it?" 

"  Why,  you  see  we  wanted  a  drink,  an'  the 
door  was  fast,  so  we  got  out  the  window  on 
the  parazzo  roof,  an'  corned  in  your  window." 
(Here  a  slight  pause.)  "  An'  'twas  fun.  An* 
then  we  unlocked  the  door,  an'  corned  back." 

Then  I  should  be  compelled  to  lock  my 
window  blinds — or  theirs,  and  this  in  the 
summer  season,  too!  Oh,  if  Helen  could 
have  but  passed  the  house  as  that  white-robed 
procession  had  filed  along  the  piazza  roof!  I 
lay  pondering  over  the  vast  amount  of  un 
used  ingenuity  that  was  locked  up  in  millions 
of  children,  or  employed  only  to  work  misery 
among  unsuspecting  adults,  when  I  heard 


84  HELEN'S    BABIES 

light  ^footfalls  at  my  bedside,  and  saw  a 
small  shape  with  a  grave  face  approach  and 
remark : 

"  I  wants  to  come  in  your  bed." 

"  What  for,  Toddie?" 

'To  fwolic;  papa  always  fwolics  us  Sun 
day  mornin's.  Turn,  Budgie,  Ocken  Haw- 
wy's  doin'  to  fwolic  us." 

Budge  replied  by  shrieking  with  delight, 
tumbling  out  of  bed,  and  hurrying  to  that 
side  of  my  bed  not  already  occupied  by  Tod- 
die.  Then  those  two  little  savages  sounded 
the  onslaught  and  advanced  precipitately 
upon  me.  Sometimes,  during  the  course  of 
my  life,  I  have  had  day-dreams  which  I  have 
told  to  no  one.  Among  these  has  been  one — 
not  now  so  distinct  as  it  was  before  my  four 
years  of  campaigning — of  one  day  meeting  in 
deadly  combat  the  painted  Indian  of  the 
plains;  of  listening  undismayed  to  his  fright 
ful  war-whoop,  and  of  exemplifying  in  my 
own  person  the  inevitable  result  of  the  pale 
face's  superior  intelligence.  But  upon  this 
particular  Sunday  morning  I  relinquished 


HELEN'S    BABIES  85 

this  idea  informally  but  forever.  Before  the 
advance  of  these  diminutive  warriors  I 
quailed  contemptibly,  and  their  battle-cry 
.sent  more  terror  to  my  soul  than  that  mem 
ber  ever  experienced  from  the  well-remem- 


TWO    LITTLE    SAVAGES 


bered  rebel  yell.  According  to  Toddie,  I  was 
going  to  "fwolic"  them;  but  from  the  first 
they  took  the  whole  business  into  their  own 
little  but  effective  hands.  Toddie  pronounced 
my  knees,  collectively,  "a  horsie-bonnie, " 


86  HELEN'S    BABIES 

and  bestrode  them,  laughing  gleefully  at  my 
efforts  to  unseat  him,  and  holding  himself  in 
position  by  digging  his  pudgy  fingers  into 
whatever  portions  of  my  anatomy  he  could 
most  easily  seize.  Budge  shouted,  "  I  want 
a  horsie,  too!"  and  seated  himself  upon  my 
chest.  "This  is  the  way  the  horsie  goes," 
explained  he,  as  he  slowly  rocked  himself 
backward  and  forward.  I  began  to  realize 
how  my  brother-in-law,  who  had  once  been  a 
fine  gymnast,  had  become  so  flat-chested. 
Just  then  Budge's  face  assumed  a  more  spir 
ited  expression,  his  eyes  opened  wide  and 
lighted  up,  and  shouting,  "This  the  way  the 
horsie  trots,"  he  stood  upright,  threw  up  his 
feet,  and  dropped  his  forty-three  avoirdupois 
pounds  forcibly  upon  my  lungs.  He  re 
peated  this  operation  several  times  before  I 
fully  recovered  from  the  shock  conveyed  by 
his  combined  impudence  and  weight;  but 
pain  finally  brought  my  senses  back,  and 
with  a  wild  plunge  I  unseated  my  demoniac 
riders  and  gained  a  clear  space  in  the  middle 
of  the  floor. 


HELEN'S    BABIES  87 

4 'Ah— h— h— h— h— h— h !' '  screamed  Tod- 
die;  "  I  wants  to  ride  horshie  backen." 

"Boo — oo — oo — oo — !"  roared  Budge;  "I 
think  you're  real  mean.  I  don't  love  you  at 
all." 

Regardless  alike  of  Toddie's  desires,  of 
Budge's  opinion  and  the  cessation  of  his  re 
gard,  I  performed  a  hasty  toilet.  Notwith 
standing  my  lost  rest,  I  savagely  thanked  the 
Lord  for  Sunday;  at  church,  at  least,  I  could 
be  free  from  my  tormentors.  At  the  break 
fast  table  both  boys  invited  themselves  to 
accompany  me  to  the  sanctuary,  but  I  de 
clined,  without  thanks.  To  take  them  might 
be  to  assist  somewhat  in  teaching  them  one 
of  the  best  habits,  but  I  strongly  doubted 
whether  the  severest  Providence  would  con 
sider  it  my  duty  to  endure  the  probable  con 
sequences  of  such  an  attempt.  Besides  I 
might  meet  Miss  Mayton.  I  both  hoped  and 
feared  I  might,  and  I  could  not  endure  the 
thought  of  appearing  before  her  with  the 
causes  of  my  pleasant  remembrance.  Budge 
protested,  and  Toddie  wept,  but  I  remained 


88  HELEN'S    BABIES 

firm,  although  I  was  so  willing  to  gratify  then 
reasonable  desires  that  I  took  them  out  for  a 
long  ante-service  walk.  While  enjoying  this 
little  trip  I  delighted  the  children  by  killing 
a  snake  and  spoiling  a  slender  cane  at  the 
same  time,  my  own  sole  consolation  coming 
from  the  discovery  that  the  remains  of  the 
staff  were  sufficient  to  make  a  cane  for  Budge. 
While  returning  to  the  house  and  preparing 
for  church  I  entered  into  a  solemn  agreement 
with  Budge,  who  was  usually  recognized  as 
the  head  of  this  fraternal  partnership.  Budge 
contracted,  for  himself  and  brother,  to  make 
no  attempts  to  enter  my  room;  to  refrain 
from  fighting ;  to  raise  loose  dirt  only  with  a 
shovel,  and  to  convey  it  to  its  destination  by 
means  other  than  their  own  hats  and  aprons ; 
to  pick  no  flowers ;  to  open  no  water-faucets ; 
to  refer  all  disagreements  to  the  cook,  as 
arbitrator,  and  to  build  no  houses  of  the  new 
books  which  I  had  stacked  upon  the  library 
table.  In  consideration  of  the  promised 
faithful  observance  of  these  conditions,  I 
agreed  that  Budge  should  be  allowed  to  come 


HELEN'S    BABIES  89 

alone  to  Sabbath-school,  which  convened 
directly  after  morning  service,  he  to  start 
only  after  Maggie  had  pronounced  him  duly 
cleansed  and  clothed.  As  Toddie  was  daily 
kept  in  bed  from  eleven  till  one,  I  felt  that  I 
might  safely  worship  without  distracting 
fears,  for  Budge  could  not  alone,  and  in  a  sin 
gle  hour,  become  guilty  of  any  particular  sin. 
The  church  at  Hillcrest  had  many  more  seats 
than  members,  and  as  but  few  summer  vis 
itors  had  yet  appeared  in  the  town,  I  was 
conscious  of  being  industriously  stared  at  by 
the  native  members  of  the  congregation. 
This  was  of  itself  discomfort  enough,  but  not 
all  to  which  I  was  destined,  for  the  usher  con 
ducted  me  quite  near  to  the  altar,  and 
showed  me  into  a  pew  whose  only  other  occu 
pant  was  Miss  May  ton!  Of  course  the  lady 
did  not  recognize  me — she  was  too  carefully 
bred  to  do  anything  of  the  sort  in  church,  and 
I  spent  ten  uncomfortable  minutes  in  men 
tally  abusing  the  customs  of  good  society. 
The  beginning  of  the  service  partially  ended 
my  uneasiness,  for  I  had  no  hymn-book — the 


go  HELEN'S    BABIES 

pew  contained  none — so  Miss  Mayton  kindly 
offered  me  a  share  in  her  own.  And  yet  so 
faultlessly  perfect  and  stranger-like  was  her 
manner  that  I  wondered  whether  her  action 
might  not  have  been  prompted  merely  by  a 
sense  of  Christian  duty;  had  I  been  the  Khan 
of  Tartary  she  could  not  have  been  more 
polite  and  frigid .  The  music  to  the  first  hymn 
was  an  air  I  had  never  heard  before,  so  I 
stumbled  miserably  through  the  tenor,  al 
though  Miss  Mayton  rendered  the  soprano 
without  a  single  false  note.  The  sermon  was 
longer  than  I  was  in  the  habit  of  listening  to, 
and  I  was  frequently  conscious  of  not  listen 
ing  at  all.  As  for  my  position  and  appear 
ance,  neither  ever  seemed  so  insignificant  as 
they  did  throughout  the  entire  service. 

The  minister  reached  "And  finally,  dear 
brethren,"  with  my  earnest  prayers  for  a  suc 
cessful  and  speedy  finale.  It  seemed  to  me 
that  the  congregation  sympathized  with  me, 
for  there  was  a  general  rustle  behind  me  as 
these  words  were  spoken.  It  soon  became 
evident,  however,  that  the  hearers  were 


HELEN'S    BABIES  91 

moved  by  some  other  feeling,  for  I  heard  a 
profound  titter  or  two  behind  me.  Even 
Miss  Mayton  turned  her  head  with  more 
alacrity  than  was  consistent  with  that  grace 
which  usually  characterized  her  motions,  and 


MY    NEPHEW    BUDGE    IN    HIS    BEST 

the  minister  himself  made  a  pause  of  unusual 
length.  I  turned  in  my  seat,  and  saw  my 
nephew  Budge,  dressed  in  his  best,  his  head 
irreverently  covered,  and  his  new  cane  swing 
ing  in  the  most  stylish  manner.  He  paused 


92  HELEN'S    BABIES 

at  each  pew,  carefully  surveyed  its  occupants, 
seemed  to  fail  in  finding  the  object  of  his 
search,  but  continued  his  efforts  in  spite  of 
my  endeavors  to  catch  his  eye.  Finally  he 
recognized  a  family  acquaintance,  and  to  him 
he  unburdened  his  bosom  by  remarking,  in 
tones  easily  heard  throughout  the  church: — 

"  I  want  to  find  my  uncle." 

Just  then  he  caught  my  eye,  smiled  raptur 
ously,  hurried  to  me,  and  laid  his  rascally  soft 
cheek  confidingly  against  mine,  while  an 
audible  sensation  pervaded  the  church.  What 
to  do  or  say  to  him  I  scarcely  knew ;  but  my 
quandary  was  turned  to  wonder,  as  Miss 
May  ton,  her  face  full  of  ill-repressed  mirth, 
but  her  eyes  full  of  tenderness,  drew  the  little 
scamp  close  to  her,  and  kissed  him  soundly. 
At  the  same  instant,  the  minister,  not  with 
out  some  little  hesitation,  said,  "  Let  us 
pray."  I  hastily  bowed  my  head,  glad  of  a^ 
chance  to  hide  my  face;  but  as  I  stole  a 
glance  at  the  cause  of  this  irreligious  disturb 
ance,  I  caught  Miss  May  ton's  eye.  She  was 
laughing  30  violently  that  the  contagion  was 


HELEN'S    BABIES  93 

unavoidable,  and  I  laughed  all  the  harder  as 
I  felt  that  one  mischievous  boy  had  undone 
the  mischief  caused  by  another. 

After  the  benediction,  Budge  was  the  re 
cipient  of  a  great  deal  of  attention,  during  the 
confusion  of  which  I  embraced  the  oppor 
tunity  to  say  to  Miss  Mayton  :— 

"  Do  you  still  sustain  my  sister  in  her  opin 
ion  of  my  nephews,  Miss  Mayton?" 

"  I  think  they're  too  funny  for  anything," 
replied  the  lady,  with  great  enthusiasm.  "  I 
do  wish  you  would  bring  them  to  call  upon 
me.  I'm  longing  to  see  an  original  young 
gentleman." 

"Thank  you,"  said  I.  "And  I'll  have 
Toddie  bring  a  bouquet  by  way  of  atone 
ment." 

"  Do,"  she  replied,  as  I  allowed  her  to  pass 
from  the  pew.  The  word  was  an  insignificant 
one,  but  it  made  me  happy  once  more. 

"  You  see,  Uncle  Harry,"  exclaimed  Budge, 
as  we  left  the  church  together,  "  the  Sunday- 
school  wasn't  open  yet,  an'  I  wanted  to  hear 
if  they'd  sing  again  in  church;  so  I  came  in, 


94  HELEN'S    BABIES 

an'  you  wasn't  in  papa's  seat,  an'  I  knew  you 
was  somewhere,  so  I  looked  for  you/' 

"  Bless  you,"  thought  I,  snatching  him  into 
my  arms  as  if  to  hurry  him  into  Sabbath- 
school,  but  really  to  give  him  a  kiss  of 
grateful  affection,  "you  did  right — exactly 
right." 

My  Sunday  dinner  was  unexceptional  in 
point  of  quantity  and  quality,  and  a  bottle  of 
my  brother-in-law's  claret  proved  to  be  the 
most  excellent;  yet  a  certain  uneasiness  of 
mind  prevented  my  enjoying  the  meal  as 
thoroughly  as  under  other  circumstances  I 
might  have  done.  My  uneasiness  came  of  a 
mingled  sense  of  responsibility  and  ignorance. 
I  felt  that  it  was  the  proper  thing  for  me  to 
see  that  my  nephews  spent  the  day  with  some 
sense  of  the  requirements  and  duties  of  the 
Sabbath;  but  how  I  was  to  bring  it  about  I 
hardly  knew.  The  boys  were  too  small  to 
have  Bible-lessons  administered  to  them,  and 
they  were  too  lively  to  be  kept  quiet  by  any 
ordinary  means.  After  a  great  deal  of 
thought,  I  determined  to  consult  the  children 


HELEN'S    BABIES  95 

themselves,  and  try  to  learn  what  their  par 
ents'  custom  had  been. 

"  Budge,"  said  I,  "  what  do  you  do  Sundays 
when  your  papa  and  mamma  are  home  ?  What 
do  they  read  to  you— what  do  they  talk  about? " 

11  Oh,  they  swing  us — lots!"  said  Budge, 
with  brightening  eyes. 

"An'  zey  takes  us  to  get  jacks,"  observed 
Toddie. 

"Oh,  yes!"  exclaimed  Budge;  "jacks-in- 
the-pulpit, —don't  you  know?" 

"  Hum — ye — es;  I  do  remember  some  such 
thing  in  my  youthful  .days;  they  grow  where 
there's  plenty  of  mud,  don't  they?" 

11  Yes,  an'  there's  a  brook  there,  an'  ferns,  an' 
birchbark,an'if  youdon'tlook  outyou  11  tum 
ble  into  the  brook  when  you  go  to  get  birch." 

"An'  we  goes  to  Hawksnest  Rock,"  piped 
Toddie,  "an'  papa  carries  us  up  on  his  back 
when  we  gets  tired." 

"An'  he  makes  us  whistles,"  said  Budge. 

"Budge,"  said  I,  rather  hastily,  "enough, 
In  the  language  of  the  poet 

'  These  earthly  pleasures  I  resign' 


96  HELEN'S    BABIES 

and  I'm  rather  astonished  that  your  papa 
hasn't  taught  you  to  do  likewise.  Don't  he 
ever  read  to  you?" 

"  Oh,  yes,"  cried  Budge,  clapping  his  hands 
as  a  happy  thought  struck  him.  "  He  gets 
down  the  Bible — the  great  big  Bible,  you 
know — an'  we  all  lay  on  the  floor,  an'  he 
reads  us  stories  out  of  it.  There's  David,  an' 
Noah,  an'  when  Christ  was  a  little  boy,  an' 
Joseph,  an'  turn  back  Pharo's  army  hallelu 
jah-  -" 

"And  what?" 

'  TurnbackPharo  'sarmyhallelujah ,  "  r  e  - 
peated  Budge.  "  Don't  you  know  how  Moses 
held  his  cane  out  over  the  Red  Sea,  an'  the 
water  went  'way  up  one  side,  an'  'way  up  the 
other  side,  and  all  the  Isrulites  went  across? 
It's  just  the  same  thing  as  drown  old  Pharo's 
army  hallelujah — don't  you  know." 

"  Budge, "  said  I ;  "I  suspect  you  of  having 
heard  the  Jubilee  Singers." 

"Oh,  an'  papa  an'  mamma  sings  us  all 
those  jubilee  songs — there's  '  Swing  Low,'  an' 
'Roll  Jordan,'  an'  'Steal  Away,'  an'  'My 


HELEN'S    BABIES 


97 


Way's  Cloudy,'  an' '  Get  on  Board,  Childuns,' 
an'  lots.     An'  you  can  sing  us  every  one  of 


'em.' 


"An"  papa  takes  us  in  the  woods  and 
makesh  us  canes,"  said  Toddie. 


PUTTING    AN    EXTENSION    ON    THE    AFTERNOON 

"Yes,"  said  Budge,  "and  where  there's 
new  houses  buildin',  he  takes  us  up  ladders." 

"  Has  he  any  way  of  putting  an  extension 
on  the  afternoon?"  I  asked. 

"  I  don't  know  what  that  is,"  said  Budge, 
"but  he  puts  an  India-rubber  blanket  on  the 


98  HELEN'S    BABIES 

grass,  and  then  we  all  lie  down  and  make 
b'lieve  we're  soldiers  asleep.  Only  some 
times  when  we  wake  up,  papa  stays  asleep, 
an'  mamma  won't  let  us  wake  him.  I  don't 
think  that's  a  very  nice  play." 

"  Well,  I  think  Bible  stories  are  nicer  than 
anything  else,  don't  you?" 

Budge  seemed  somewhat  in  doubt.  "  I 
think  swingin'  is  nicer,"  said  he — "oh,  no; — 
let's  get  some  jacks — Til  tell  you  what!— 
make  us  whistles,  an'  we  can  blow  on  'em 
while  we're  goin'  to  get  the  jacks.  Toddie, 
dear,  wouldn't  you  like  jacks  an'  whistles?" 

'Yesh — an'  swingin'-  — an'  birch  —  an' 
wantsh  to  go  to  Hawksnesh  Rock,"  answered 
Toddie. 

" Let's  have  Bible  stories  first,"  said  I. 
"  The  Lord  mightn't  like  it  if  you  didn't  learn 
anything  good  to-day." 

"Well,"  said  Budge,  with  the  regulation 
religious-matter-of-duty  face,  "  let's.  I  guess 
I  like  'bout  Joseph  best." 

"Tell  us  'bout  BliafT,"  suggested  Toddie. 

**Oh,  no,  Tod,"  remonstrated  Budge;  "Jo- 


HELEN'S    BABIES  99 

seph's  coat  was  just  as  bloody  as  Goliath's 
head  was."  Then  Budge  turned  to  me  and 
explained  that  "all  Tod  likes  Goliath  for  is 
'cause  when  his  head  was  cut  off  it  was  all 
bloody."  And  then  Toddie — the  airy  sprite 
whom  his  mother  described  as  being  irresist 
ibly  drawn  to  whatever  was  beautiful — Tod- 
die  glared  upon  me,  as  a  butcher's  apprentice 
might  stare  at  a  doomed  lamb,  and  re 
marked  :— 

"Bliaff's  head  was  all  bluggy,  an'  David's 
sword  was  all  bluggy — bluggy  as  everyfing." 

I  hastily  breathed  a  small  prayer,  opened 
the  Bible,  turned  to  the  story  of  Joseph,  and 
audibly  condensed  it,  as  I  read: 

"Joseph  was  a  good  little  boy,  whose  papa 
loved  him  very  dearly.  But  his  brothers 
didn't  like  him.  And  they  sold  him  to  go  to 
Egypt.  And  he  was  very  smart,  and  told 
people  what  their  dreams  meant,  and  he  got 
to  be  a  great  man.  And  his  brothers  went  to 
Egypt  to  buy  corn,  and  Joseph  sold  them 
some,  and  then  he  let  them  know  who  he  was. 
And  he  sent  them  home  to  bring  their  papa 


TOO  HELEN'S   BABIES 

to  Egypt,  and  then  they  all  lived  there  to 
gether." 

"  That  ain't  it,"  remarked  Toddie,  with  the 
air  of  a  man  who  felt  himself  to  be  unjustly 
treated.  "Is  it,  Budge?" 

"  Oh,  no,"  said  Budge,  "  you  didn't  read  it 
good  a  bit ;  /'//  tell  you  how  it  is.  Once  there 
was  a  little  boy  named  Joseph,  an'  he  had 
eleven  budders — they  was  awful  eleven  bud- 
ders.  An'  his  papa  gave  him  a  new  coat,  an' 
his  budders  hadn't  nothin'  but  their  old  jack 
ets  to  wear.  An'  one  day  he  was  carrying 
'em  their  dinner,  an'  they  put  him  in  a  deep, 
dark  hole,  but  they  didn't  put  his  nice  new 
coat  in — they  killed  a  kid,  an'  dipped  the 
coat — just  think  of  doin'  that  to  a  nice  new 
coat — they  dipped  it  in  the  kid's  blood,  an' 
made  it  all  bloody." 

"All  bluggy,"  echoed  Toddie,  with  fero 
cious  emphasis.  Budge  continued:— 

"But  there  were  some  Ishmalites  comin' 
along  that  way,  and  the  awful  eleven  budders 
took  him  out  of  the  deep,  dark  hole,  an'  sold 
him  to  the  Ishmalites,  an'  they  sold  him  away 


HELEN'S   BABIES 

down  in  Egypt.  An'  his  poor  old  papa  cried, 
an'  cried,  an'  cried,  'cause  he  thought  a  big 
lion  ate  Joseph  up;  but  he  wasn't  ate  up  a 
bit ;  but  there  wasn't  no  post-office  nor  choo- 
choos,*  nor  stages  in  Egypt,  an'  there  wasn't 
any  telegraphs,  so  Joseph  couldn't  let  his 
papa  know  where  he  was ;  an'  he  got  so  smart 
an'  so  good  that  the  king  of  Egypt  let  him 
sell  all  the  corn  an'  take  care  of  the  money; 
'an  one  day  some  men  came  to  buy  some 
corn,  an'  Joseph  looked  at  'em  'an  they  was 
his  own  budders!  An'  he  scared  'em  like 
everything;  I'd  have  slapped  'em  all  if  I'd 
been  Joseph,  but  he  just  scared  'em,  an'  then 
he  let  'em  know  who  he  was,  an'  he  kissed  'em 
an'  he  didn't  whip  'em,  or  make  'em  go  with 
out  their  breakfast,  or  stand  in  a  corner,  nor 
none  of  them  things;  an'  then  he  sent  them 
back  for  their  papa,  an'  when  he  saw  his  papa 
comin',  he  ran  like  everything,  and  gave  him 
a  great  big  hug  and  a  kiss.  Joseph  was  too 
big  to  ask  him  if  he'd  brought  him  any  candy, 
but  he  was  awful  glad  to  see  him.  An'  the 

*  Railway  cars. 


HELEN'S    BABIES 

king  gave  Joseph's  papa  a  nice  farm,  an'  they 
all  had  real  good  times  after  that." 

"  An'  they  dipped  the  coat  in  the  blood,  an' 
made  it  all  bluggy,"  reiterated  Toddie. 

"  Uncle  Harry,"  said  Budge,  "  what  do  you 
think  my  papa  would  do,  if  he  thought  I  was 
all  ate  up  by  a  lion?  I  guess  he'd  cry  awful, 
don't  you?  Now  tell  us  another  story — oh, 
I'll  tell  you — read  us  'bout— 

"  'Bout  Bliaff,"  interrupted  Toddie. 

"  You  tell  me  about  him,  Toddie,"  said  I. 

"Why,"  said  Toddie,  "Bliaff  was  a  brate 
bid  man,  an'  Dave  was  brate  little  man,  an' 
Bliaff  said,  'Come  over  here,  an'  I'll  eat  you 
up,'  an'  Dave  said,  *  /  ain't  fyaid  of  you.'  So 
Dave  put  five  little  stones  in  a  sling  an'  asked 
de  Lord  to  help  him,  an'  let  ze  sling  go  bang 
into  bequeen  Bliaff 's  eyes  an'  knocked  him 
down  dead,  an'  Dave  took  Bliaff's  sword  an' 
sworded  Bliaff's  head  off,  an'  made  it  all 
bluggy,  an'  Bliaff  runned  away."  This  short 
narration  was  accompanied  by  more  spirited 
and  unexpected  gestures  than  Mr.  Gough  ever 
puts  into  a  long  lecture. 


HELEN'S    BABIES 


103 


"I  don't  like  'bout  Goliath  at  all,"  re 
marked  Budge,  "I'd  like  to  hear  'bout 
Ferus." 

"Who?" 

"Ferus;  don't  you  know?" 

"Never  heard  of  him,  Budge." 


"IF    I    WAS    ALL    ATE    UP    BY    A    LION" 

"Why— y— y— ! "exclaimed  Budge; " didn't 
you  have  no  papa  when  you  was  a  little  boy  ? ' ' 

'  Yes,  but  he  never  told  me  about  any  one 
named  Ferus ;  there  is  no  such  person  named 
in  Anthon's  Classical  Dictionary,  either. 
What  sort  of  a  man  was  he?" 


io4  HELEN'S    BABIES 

"  Why,  once  there  was  a  man,  an'  his  name 
was  Ferus — 0/ferus,  an'  he  went  about  fight- 
in'  for  kings,  but  when  any  king  got  afraid  of 
anybody,  he  wouldn't  fight  for  him  no  more. 
An'  one  day  he  couldn't  find  no  kings  that 
wasn't  afraid  of  nobody.  An'  the  people 
told  him  the  Lord  was  the  biggest  king  in  the 
world,  an'  he  wasn't  afraid  of  nobody  nor 
nothing.  An'  he  asked  'em  where  he  could 
find  the  Lord,  an*  they  said  he  was  'way  up 
in  heaven  so  nobody  couldn't  see  him  but  the 
angels,  but  he  liked  folks  to  work  for  him 
instead  of  fight.  So  Ferus  wanted  to  know 
what  kind  of  work  he  could  do,  an'  the  people 
said  there  was  a  river  not  far  off,  where  there 
wasn't  no  ferry-boats,  'cos  the  water  run  so 
fast,  an'  they  guessed  if  he'd  carry  folks 
across,  the  Lord  would  like  it.  So  Ferus 
went  there,  an'  he  cut  him  a  good,  strong 
cane,  an'  whenever  anybody  wanted  to  go 
across  the  river  he'd  carry  'em  on  his  back. 

"  One  night  he  was  sittin'  in  his  little  house 
by  the  fire,  and  smokin'  his  pipe  an'  readin' 
the  paper,  an'  'twas  rainin'  an'  blowin'  an' 


HELEN'S    BABIES  105 

hailin'  an'  stormin*,  an'  he  was  so  glad  there 
wasn't  anybody  wantin'  to  go  'cross  the  river, 
when  he  heard  somebody  call  out,  'Ferus!' 
An'  he  looked  out  the  window,  but  he  couldn't 
see  nobody,  so  he  sat  down  again.  Then 
somebody  called,  'Ferus!'  again,  and  he 
opened  the  door  again,  an'  there  was  a  little 
bit  of  a  boy,  'bout  as  big  as  Toddie.  An' 
Ferus  said,  'Hello,  young  fellow,  does  your 
mother  know  you  're  out  ? '  An '  the  little  boy 
said,  '  I  want  to  go  'cross  the  river.' — *  Well/ 
says  Ferus,  'you're  a  mighty  little  fellow  to 
be  travelin'  alone,  but  hop  up.'  So  the  little 
boy  jumped  up  on  Ferus'  back,  and  Ferus 
walked  into  the  water.  Oh,  my — wasn't  it 
cold?  An'  every  step  he  took,  the  little  boy 
got  heavier,  so  Ferus  nearly  tumbled  down 
an'  they  liked  to  both  got  drownded.  An* 
when  they  got  across  the  river  Ferus  said, 
Well,  you  are  the  heaviest  small  fry  I  ever 
carried, '  an'  he  turned  around  to  look  at  him, 
an'  'twasn't  no  little  boy  at  all — 'twas  a  big 
man — 'twas  Christ.  An'  Christ  said,  'Ferus, 
I  heard  you  was  try  in'  to  work  for  me,  so  I 


io6  HELEN'S    BABIES 

thought  I'd  come  down  an'  see  you,  an*  not 
let  you  know  who  I  was.  An'  now  you  shall 
have  a  new  name;  you  shall  be  called  Christ- 
offerus,  'cos  that  means  Christ-carrier.'  An1 
everybody  called  him  Christofferus  after 
that,  an'  when  he  died  they  called  him  Saint 
Christopher,  'cos  Saint  is  what  they  call  good 
people  when  they're  dead." 

Budge,  himself,  had  the  face  of  a  rapt  saint 
as  he  told  this  story,  but  my  contemplation 
of  his  countenance  was  suddenly  arrested  by 
Toddie,  who,  disapproving  of  the  unexciting 
nature  of  his  brother's  recital,  had  strayed 
into  the  garden,  investigated  a  hornet's  nest, 
been  stung,  and  set  up  a  piercing  shriek.  He 
ran  in  to  me,  and  as  I  hastily  picked  him  up, 
he  sobbed : — 

"  Want  to  be  wocked.*  Want '  Toddie  one 
boy  day.'" 

I  rocked  him  violently,  and  petted  him 
tenderly,  but  again  he  sobbed  :— 

"Want  ' Toddie  one  boy  day.'" 

"  What  does  the  child  mean?"  I  exclaimed. 

*  Rocked. 


HELEN'S    BABIES  107 

"He  wants  you  to  sing  to  him  about 
Charlie  boy  one  day,1"  said  Budge.  "He 
always  wants  mamma  to  sing  that  when  he's 
hurt,  an'  then  he  stops  crying." 

"I  don't  know  it,"  said  I.  "Won't  'Roll, 
Jordan/ do,  Toddie?" 

"  /'//  tell  you  how  it  goes,"  said  Budge, and 
forthwith  the  youth  sang  the  following  song, 
a  line  at  a  time,  I  following  him  in  words 
and  air: — 

"Where  is  my  little  bastik*  gone? 

Said  Charley  boy  one  day; 
I  guess  some  little  boy  or  girl 
Has  taken  it  away. 

"An*  kittie,  too — where  ish  she  gone? 

Oh,  dear,  what  I  shall  do? 
I  wish  I  could  my  bastik  find, 
An'  little  kittie,  too. 

"I'll  go  to  mamma's  room  an*  look; 

Perhaps  she  may  be  there; 
For  kittie  likes  to  take  a  nap 

In  mamma's  easy  chair.  • 

"O  mamma,  mamma,  come  an*  look! 

See  what  a  little  heap! 
Here's  kittie  in  the  bastik  here, 
All  cuddled  down  to  sleep." 


*  Basket. 


io8  HELEN'S    BABIES 

Where  the  applicability  of  this  poem  to  my 
nephew's  peculiar  trouble  appeared,  I  could 
not  see,  but  as  I  finished  it,  his  sobs  gave 
place  to  a  sigh  of  relief. 

"  Toddie,"  said  I,  "  do  you  love  your  Uncle 
Harry?" 

"Esh,  I  do  love  you." 

"Then  tell  me  how  that  ridiculous  song 
comforts  you?" 

"Makes  me  feel  good,  an*  all  nicey,"  re 
plied  Toddie. 

"  Wouldn't  you  feel  just  as  good  if  I  sang, 
'  Plunged  in  a  gulf  of  dark  despair '  ? " 

"No,  don't  like  dokdishpairs;  if  a  dok- 
dishpair  done  anyfing  to  me,  I'd  knock  it 
right  down  dead." 

With  this  extremely  lucid  remark,  our 
conversation  on  this  particular  subject 
ended ;  but  I  wondered,  during  a  few  uneasy 
moments,  whether  the  temporary  mental 
aberration  which  had  once  afflicted  Helen's 
grandfather  and  mine  was  not  reappear 
ing  in  this,  his  youngest  descendant.  My 


HELEN'S    BABIES 


109 


TODDIE     INVESTIGATING    A     HORNET  S 
NEST 


wondering   was   cut  short  by   Budge,   who 
remarked,  in  a  confidential  tone:— 

"Now,  Uncle 
Harry,  well 
have  the  whis 
tles,  I  guess." 

I  acted  upon 
the  suggestion, 
and  led  the 
way  to  the 
woods.  I  had 
not  had  occasion  to  seek  a  hickory  sapling 
before  for  years;  not  since  the  war,  in  fact, 
when  I  learned  how  hot  a  fire  small  hickory 
sticks  would  make.  I  had  not  sought  wood 
for  whistles  since—  Gracious,  nearly  a 
quarter  of  a  century  ago!  The  dissimilar 
associations  called  up  by  these  recollections 
threatened  to  put  me  in  a  frame  of  mind 
which  might  have  resulted  in  a  bad  poem, 
had  not  my  nephews  kept  up  a  lively 
succession  of  questions,  such  as  no  one  but 
children  can  ask.  The  whistles  completed,  I 
was  marched,  with  music,  to  the  place  where 


i io  HELEN'S    BABIES 

the  "jacks"  grew.  It  was  just  such  a  place 
as  boys  instinctively  delight  in — low,  damp, 
and  boggy,  with  a  brook  hiding  treacherously 
away,  under  overhanging  ferns  and  grasses. 
The  children  knew  by  sight  the  plant  which 
bore  the  "jacks,"  and  every  discovery  was 
announced  by  a  piercing  shriek  of  delight. 
At  first,  I  looked  hurriedly  toward  the  brook 
as  each  yell  clove  the  air;  but,  as  I  became 
accustomed  to  it,  my  attention  was  diverted 
by  some  exquisite  ferns.  Suddenly,  how 
ever,  a  succession  of  shrieks  announced  that 
something  was  wrong,  and  across  a  large  fern 
I  saw  a  small  face  in  a  great  deal  of  agony. 
Budge  was  hurrying  to  the  relief  of  his 
brother,  and  was  soon  as  deeply  imbedded  as 
Toddie  was,  in  the  rich  black  mud  at  the  bot 
tom  of  the  brook.  I  dashed  to  the  rescue, 
stood  astride  the  brook,  and  offered  a  hand 
to  each  boy,  when  a  treacherous  tuft  of  grass 
gave  way,  and,  with  a  glorious  splash,  I  went 
in  myself.  This  accident  turned  Toddie 's 
sorrow  to  laughter,  but  I  can't  say  I  made 
light  of  my  misfortune  on  that  account.  To 


HELEN'S    BABIES  in 

fall  into  clean  water  is  not  pleasant,  even 
when  one  is  trout-fishing ;  but  to  be  clad  in 
white  pants,  and  suddenly  drop  knee-deep  in 
the  lap  of  mother  Earth  is  quite  a  different 
thing.  I  hastily  picked  up  the  children,  and 
threw  them  upon  the  bank,  and  then  wrath- 
fully  strode  out  myself,  and  tried  to  shake 
myself  as  I  have  seen  a  Newfoundland  dog 
do.  The  shake  was  not  a  success — it  caused 
my  trouser-leg  to  flap  dismally  about  my 
ankles,  and  sent  the  streams  of  loathsome  ooze 
trickling  down  into  my  shoes.  My  hat,  of 
drab  felt,  had  fallen  off  by  the  brookside,  and 
been  plentifully  spattered  as  I  got  out.  I 
looked  at  my  youngest  nephew  with  speech 
less  indignation. 

"Uncle  Harry,"  said  Budge,  "  'twas  real 
good  of  the  Lord  to  let  you  be  with  us,  else 
Toddie  might  have  been  drownded." 

"Yes,"  said  I,  "and  I  shouldn't  have 
much 

"Ocken  Hawwy,"  cried  Toddie,  running 
impetuously  toward  me,  pulling  me  down, 
and  patting  my  cheek  with  his  muddy,  black 


ii2  HELEN'S    BABIES 

hand,   "  I  loves  you  for  taking  me  out  de 
water." 

"  I  accept  your  apology,"  said  I,  "but  let's 
hurry  home."  There  was  but  one  residence 
to  pass,  and  that,  thank  fortune,  was  so 
densely  screened  by  shrubbery  that  the  in 
mates  could  not  see  the  road.  To  be  sure, 
we  were  on  a  favorite  driving-road,  but  we 
could  reach  home  in  five  minutes,  and  we 
might  dodge  into  the  woods  if  we  heard  a 
carriage  coming.  Ha!  There  came  a  car 
riage  already,  and  we — was  there  ever  a  sor 
rier-looking  group  ?  There  were  ladies  in  the 
carriage,  too — could  it  be — of  course  it  was — 
did  the  evil  spirit,  which  guided  those  chil 
dren  always,  send  an  attendant  for  Miss 
Mayton  before  he  began  operations?  There 
she  was,  anyway — cool,  neat,  dainty,  trying 
to  look  collected,  but  severely  flushed  by  the 
attempt.  It  was  of  no  use  to  drop  my  eyes, 
for  she  had  already  recognized  me;  so  I 
turned  to  her  a  face  which  I  think  must  have 
been  just  the  one — unless  more  defiant — that 
I  carried  into  two  or  three  cavalry  charges. 


HELEN'S   BABIES 


"  You  seem  to  have  been  having  a  real  good 
time  together,"  said  she,  with  a  conventional 
smile,  as  the  carriage  passed.  "  Remember, 
you're  all  going  to  call  on  me  to-morrow 
afternoon." 

Her  heart  was  as  quick  as 
her  eyes — almost   any 
other  young  lady  would 


Bless  the  girl! 


"BUT  LET'S  HURRY  HOME" 

have  devoted  her  entire  energy  to  laughing  on 
such  an  occasion,  but  she  took  her  earliest 
opportunity  to  make  me  feel  at  ease.  Such 
a  royal-hearted  woman  deserves  to — I  caught 
myself  just  here,  with  my  cheeks  growing 
quite  hot  under  the  mud  Toddie  had  put  on 
them,  and  I  led  our  retreat  with  a  more  sty- 


ii4  HELEN'S    BABIES 

lish  carriage  than  my  appearance  could  pos« 
sibly  have  warranted,  and  then  I  consigned 
my  nephews  to  the  maid  with  very  much  the 
air  of  an  officer  turning  over  a  large  number 
of  prisoners  he  had  captured.  I  hastily 
changed  my  soiled  clothing  for  my  best — not 
that  I  expected  to  see  anyone,  but  because 
of  a  sudden  increase  in  the  degree  of  respect 
I  felt  toward  myself.  When  the  children 
were  put  to  bed,  and  I  had  no  one  but  my 
thoughts  for  companions,  I  spent  a  delightful 
hour  or  two  in  imagining  as  possible  some 
changes  of  which  I  had  never  dared  to  think 
before. 

On  Monday  morning  I  was  in  the  garden 
at  sunrise.  Toddie  was  to  carry  his  expi 
atory  bouquet  to  Miss  Mayton  that  day,  and 
I  proposed  that  no  pains  should  be  spared  to 
make  his  atonement  as  handsome  as  possible. 
I  canvassed  carefully  every  border,  bed,  and 
detached  flowering  plant  until  I  had  as  accu 
rate  an  idea  of  their  possibilities  as  if  I  had 
inventoried  the  flowers  in  pen  and  ink.  This 
done,  I  consulted  the  servant  as  to  the  un- 


HELEN'S    BABIES  115 

soiled  clothing  of  my  nephews.  She  laid  out 
the  entire  wardrobe  for  my  inspection,  and 
after  a  rigid  examination  of  everything,  I 
selected  the  suits  which  the  boys  were  to 
wear  in  the  afternoon.  Then  I  told  the  girl 
that  the  boys  were  going  with  me  after  dinner 
to  call  on  some  ladies  and  that  I  desired  that 
she  should  wash  and  dress  them  carefully. 

"Tell  me  just  what  time  you'll  start,  sir, 
and  111  begin  an  hour  beforehand,"  said  she. 
"  That's  the  only  way  to  be  sure  that  they 
don't  disgrace  you." 

For  breakfast,  we  had,  among  other  things, 
some  stewed  oysters  served  in  soup-plates. 

"O  Tod,"  shrieked  Budge,  "there's  the 
turtle-plates  again — oh,  ain't  I  glad!" 

"Oo — ee — turtle  pyates!"  squealed  Tod- 
die. 

"What  on  earth  do  you  mean,  boys?"  I 
demanded. 

"I'll  show  you,"  said  Budge,  jumping 
down  from  his  chair,  and  bringing  his  plate  of 
oysters  cautiously  toward  me.  "  Now  you 
just  put  your  head  down  underneath  my 


n6  HELEN'S    BABIES 

plate,  and  look  up,  and  you'll  see  a  tur* 
tie." 

For  a  moment  I  forgot  that  I  was  not  at  a 
restaurant,  and  I  took  the  plate,  held  it  up, 
and  examined  its  bottom. 

"There!"  said  Budge,  pointing  to  the 
trade-mark,  in  colors,  of  the  makers  of  the 
crockery,  "don't  you  see  the  turtle?" 

I  abruptly  ordered  Budge  to  his  seat,  un 
moved  even  by  Toddie's  remark,  that— 

"Dey  ish  turtles,  but  dey  can't  kwawl 
awound  like  udder  turtles  " 

After  breakfast  I  devoted  a  great  deal  of 
fussy  attention  to  myself.  Never  did  my 
own  wardrobe  seem  so  meager  and  ill-as 
sorted  ;  never  did  I  cut  myself  so  many  times 
while  shaving ;  never  did  I  use  such  unsatis 
factory  shoe-polish.  I  finally  gave  up  in 
despair  my  effort  to  appear  genteel,  and  de 
moted  myself  to  the  bouquet.  I  cut  almost 
flowers  enough  to  dress  a  church,  and  then 
remorselessly  excluded  every  one  which  was 
in  the  least  particular  imperfect.  In  making 
the  bouquet  I  enjoyed  the  benefit  of  my 


HELEN'S    BABIES  117 

nephews*  assistance  and  counsel,  and  took 
enforced  part  in  conversation  which  flowers 
suggested. 

"  Ocken  Hawwy/'  said  Toddie,  "  ish  heaven 
all  like  this,  wif  pretty  f 'owers?  'Cos  I  don't 
see  what  ze  angels  ever  turns  out  for  if  'tis." 

"Uncle  Harry,"  said  Budge,  "when  the 
leaves  all  go  up  and  down  and  wriggle  around 
so,  are  they  talking  to  the  wind?" 

"  I — I  guess  so,  old  fellow." 

"Who  are  you  making  that  bouquet  for, 
Uncle  Harry?"  asked  Budge. 

"  For  a  lady — for  Miss  May  ton — that  lady 
that  saw  us  all  muddy  yesterday  afternoon," 
said  I. 

"  Oh,  I  like  her, "  said  Budge.  "  She  looks 
so  nice  and  pretty — just  like  a  cake — just  as 
if  she  was  good  to  eat — oh,  I  just  love  her, 
don't  you?" 

"Well,  I  respect  her  very  highly,  Budge." 

"  'Spect  ?     What  does  'spect  mean  ? ' ' 

"  Why  it  means  that  I  think  she's  a  lady — 
a  real  pleasant  lady — just  the  nicest  sort  of 
lady  in  the  world — the  sort  of  person  I'd  like 


n8  HELEN'S    BABIES 

to  see  every  day,  and  like  to  see  her  better 
than  anyone  else." 

"Oh,  why,  'spect  an'  love  means  just  the 
same  thing,  don't  they,  Uncle  Har " 

"Budge,"  I  exclaimed,  somewhat  hastily, 
"run,  ask  Maggie  for  a  piece  of  string- 
quick  !" 

"All  right,"  said  Budge,  moving  off,  "but 
they  do,  don't  they?" 

At  two  o'clock  I  instructed  Maggie  to  dress 
my  nephews,  and  at  three  we  started  to  make 
our  call.  To  carry  Toddie's  bouquet,  and 
hold  a  hand  of  each  boy  so  as  to  keep  them 
from  darting  into  the  hedges  for  grasshoppers 
and  the  gutters  for  butterflies,  was  no  easy 
work,  but  I  managed  to  do  it.  As  we  ap 
proached  Mrs.  Clarkson's  boarding-house  I 
felt  my  hat  was  over  one  ear,  and  my  cravat 
awry,  but  there  was  no  opportunity  to  rear 
range  them,  for  I  saw  Alice  May  ton  on  the 
piazza,  and  felt  that  she  saw  me.  Handing 
the  bouquet  to  Toddie,  and  promising  him 
three  sticks  of  candy  if  he  would  be  careful 
and  not  drop  it,  we  entered  the  garden.  The 


HELEN'S    BABIES  119 

moment  we  were  inside  the  hedge  and  Toddie 
saw  a  man  going  over  the  lawn  with  a  lawn- 
mower,  he  shrieked:  "Oh,  deresh  a  cutter- 
grass!"  and  dropped  the  bouquet  with  the 
carelessness  born  of  perfect  ecstasy.  I 
snatched  it  before  it  reached  the  ground, 
dragged  the  offending  youth  up  the  walk, 
saluted  Miss  Mayton,  and  told  Toddie  to  give 
the  bouquet  to  the  lady.  This  he  succeeded 
in  doing,  but  as  Miss  Mayton  thanked  him 
and  stooped  to  kiss  him  he  wriggled  off  the 
piazza  like  a  little  eel,  shouted,  "Turn  on!" 
to  his  brother,  and  a  moment  later  my 
nephews  were  following  the  "  cutter-grass " 
at  a  respectful  distance  in  the  rear. 

"  Those  are  my  sister's  '  best  children  in  the 
world,'  Miss  Mayton,"  said  I. 

"Bless  the  little  darlings!"  replied  the 
lady;  "I  do  love  to  see  children  enjoying 
themselves." 

"So  do  I,"  said  I,  "when  I'm  not  respon 
sible  for  their  well-being;  but  if  the  effort 
I've  expended  on  those  boys  had  been  di 
rected  toward  the  interests  of  my  employers, 


120  HELEN'S    BABIES 

those  worthy  gentlemen  would  consider  me 
invaluable." 

Miss  Mayton  made  some  witty  reply,  and 
we  settled  to  a  pleasant  chat  about  mutual 
acquaintances,  about  books,  pictures,  music 
and  gossip  of  our  set.  I  would  cheerfully 
have  discussed  Herbert  Spencer's  system,  the 
Assyrian  Tablets,  or  any  other  dry  subject 
with  Miss  Mayton,  and  felt  that  I  was  richly 
repaid  by  the  pleasure  of  seeing  her.  Hand 
some,  intelligent,  composed,  tastefully 
dressed,  without  a  suspicion  of  the  flirt  or 
the  languid  woman  of  fashion  about  her,  she 
awakened  to  the  uttermost  every  admiring 
sentiment  and  every  manly  feeling.  But, 
alas!  my  enjoyment  was  probably  more  than 
I  deserved,  so  it  was  cut  short.  There  were 
other  ladies  boarding  at  Mrs.  Clarkson's,  and, 
as  Miss  Mayton  truthfully  observed  at  our 
first  meeting,  men  were  very  scarce  at  Hill- 
crest.  So  the  ladies,  by  the  merest  accident, 
of  course,  happened  upon  the  piazza  and  each 
one  was  presented  to  me,  and  common  civil 
ity  made  it  impossible  for  me  to  speak  to  Miss 


HELEN'S    BABIES  121 

Mayton  more  than  once  in  ten  minutes.  At 
any  other  time  and  place  I  should  have  found 
the  meeting  of  so  many  ladies  a  delightful 
experience,  but  now  - 

Suddenly,  a  compound  shriek  arose  from 
the  lawn,  and  all  the  ladies  sprang  to  their 
feet.  I  followed  their  example,  setting  my 
teeth  firmly  and  viciously,  hoping  that 
whichever  nephew  had  been  hurt  was  badly 
hurt.  We  saw  Toddie  running  toward  us 
with  one  hand  in  his  mouth,  while  Budge  ran 
beside  him,  exclaiming:— 

"Poor  little  Toddie!  Don't  cry!  Does 
it  hurt  you  awful?  Never  mind  —  Uncle 
Harry  '11  comfort  you.  Don't  cry,  Toddie, 


Both  boys  reached  the  piazza  steps,  and 
clambered  up,  Budge  exclaiming:  — 

"  O  Uncle  Harry,  Toddie  put  his  fingers  in 
the  little  wheels  of  the  cutter-grass,  an'  it 
turned  just  the  least  little  biddie,  an'  it 
hurted  him." 

But  Toddie  ran  up  to  me,  clasped  my  legs 
and  sobbed  :  "  Sing  *  Toddie  one  boy  day.  '  ' 


122  HELEN'S    BABIES 

My  blood  seemed  to  freeze.  I  could  have 
choked  that  dreadful  child,  suffering  though 
he  was.  I  stooped  over  him,  caressed  him, 
promised  him  candy,  took  out  my  watch  and 
gave  it  to  him  to  play  with,  but  he  returned 
to  his  original  demand.  A  lady — the  home 
liest  in  the  party — suggested  that  she  should 
bind  up  his  hand,  and  I  inwardly  blessed  her, 
but  he  reiterated  his  request  for  "  Toddie  one 
boy  day,"  and  sobbed  pitifully. 

"  What  does  he  mean  ? ' '  asked  Miss  May  ton. 

"  He  wants  Uncle  Harry  to  sing,  *  Charley 
boy  one  day, ' ' '  explained  Budge ;  "  he  always 
wants  that  song  when  he's  hurt  anyway." 

"Oh,  do  sing  it  to  him,  Mr.  Burton," 
pleaded  Miss  Mayton;  and  all  the  other 
ladies  exclaimed,  "Oh,  do!" 

I  wrathfully  picked  him  up  in  my  arms 
and  hummed  the  air  of  the  detested  song. 

"  Sit  in  a  wockin '-chair,"  sobbed  Toddie. 

I  obeyed;  and  then  my  tormentor  re 
marked  :— 

"You  don't  sing  the  wydes  [words] — I 
wants  the  wydes." 


HELEN'S    BABIES  123 

I  sang  the  words  as  softly  as  possible,  with 
my  lips  close  to  his  ear,  but  he  roared:— 

" Sing  louder!" 

"I  don't  know  any  more  of  it,  Toddie," 
I  exclaimed  in  desperation. 

"Oh,  I'll  tell  it  all  to  you,  Uncle  Harry," 
said  Budge.  And  there,  before  that  audi 
ence,  and  her,  I  was  obliged  to  sing  that 
dreadful  doggerel,  line  for  line,  as  Budge  re 
peated  it.  My  teeth  were  set  tight,  my  brow 
grew  clammy,  and  I  gazed  upon  Toddie  with 
terrible  thoughts  in  my  mind.  No  one 
laughed — I  grew  so  desperate  that  a  titter 
would  have  given  relief.  At  last  I  heard 
someone  whisper: — 

" See  how  he  loves  him!  Poor  man! — he's 
in  perfect  agony  over  the  little  fellow." 

Had  not  the  song  reached  its  natural  end 
just  then,  I  believe  I  should  have  tossed  my 
wounded  nephew  over  the  piazza  rail.  As  it 
was,  I  set  him  upon  his  feet,  announced  the 
necessity  of  our  departure,  and  began  to  take 
leave,  when  Miss  Mayton's  mother  insisted 
that  we  should  stay  to  dinner. 


i24  HELEN'S    BABIES 

"For  myself,  I  should  be  delighted,  Mrs. 

Mayton,"  said  I;    "but  my  nephews  have 

hardly  learned  company  manners  yet.     I'm 

afraid  my  sister  wouldn't  forgive  me  if  she 

.heard  I  had  taken  them  out  to  dinner/' 

"  Oh,  I'll  take  care  of  the  little  dears,"  said 
Miss  Mayton;  "they'll  be  good  with  me,  I 
know." 

11 1  couldn't  be  so  unkind  as  to  let  you  try 
it,  Miss  Mayton,"  I  replied.  But  she  insisted, 
and  the  pleasure  of  submitting  to  her  will  was 
so  great  that  I  would  have  risked  even  greater 
mischief.  So  Miss  Mayton  sat  down  to  din 
ner  with  Budge  upon  one  side  and  Toddie  on 
the  other,  while  I  was  fortunately  placed  op 
posite,  from  which  position  I  could  indulge  in 
warning  winks  and  frowns.  The  soup  was 
served.  I  signaled  the  boys  to  tuck  their 
napkins  under  their  chins,  and  then  turned  to 
speak  to  the  lady  on  my  right.  She  politely 
inclined  her  head  toward  me,but  her  thoughts 
seemed  elsewhere;  following  her  eyes,  I  be 
held  my  youngest  nephew  with  his  plate 
upraised  in  both  hands,  his  head  on  the  table- 


HELEN'S    BABIES 

cloth,  and  his  eyes  turned  painfully  upward. 
I  dared  not  speak,  for  fear  he  would  drop  the 
plate.  Suddenly  he  withdrew  his  head,  put 
on  an  angelic  smile,  tilted  his  plate  so  part  of 
its  contents  sought  refuge  in  the  folds  of  Miss 


OO-EE!    ZHA    TURTLE    ON    MY    PYATE    ' 


May  ton's  dainty,  snowy  dress,  while  the  of 
fender  screamed:— 

"  Oo — ee!  zha  turtle  on  my  pyate! — 
Budgie,  zha  turtle  on  my  pyate!" 

Budge  was  about  to  raise  his  plate  when  he 
caught  my  eye  and  desisted.  Poor  Miss 
May  ton  actually  looked  discomposed  for  the 


i26  HELEN'S    BABIES 

first  time  in  her  life,  so  far  as  I  knew  or  could 
imagine.  She  recovered  quickly,  however, 
and  treated  that  wretched  boy  with  the  most 
Christian  forbearance  and  consideration  dur 
ing  the  remainder  of  the  meal.  When  the 
dessert  was  finished  she  quickly  excused  her 
self,  while  I  removed  Toddie  to  a  secluded 
corner  of  the  piazza,  and  favored  him  with  a 
lecture  which  caused  him  to  howl  pitifully, 
and  compelled  me  to  caress  him  and  undo  all 
the  good  which  my  rebukes  had  done.  Then 
he  and  Budge  removed  themselves  to  the  lawn, 
while  I  awaited  Miss  Mayton's  reappearance 
to  offer  an  apology  for  Toddie,  and  make  our 
adieus.  It  was  the  custom  of  the  ladies  at 
Mrs.  Clarkson's  to  stroll  about  the  lovely 
rural  walks  after  dinner  and  until  twilight; 
and  on  this  particular  evening  they  departed 
in  twos  and  threes,  leaving  me  to  make  my 
apology  without  witnesses.  I  was  rather, 
sorry  they  went ;  it  was  not  pleasant  to  feel 
that  I  was  principally  responsible  for  my 
nephew's  blunder,  and  to  have  no  oppor 
tunity  to  allay  my  conscience-pangs  by  con- 


HELEN'S    BABIES  127 

versation.  It  seemed  to  me  Miss  Mayton 
was  forever  in  appearing;  I  even  called  up 
my  nephews  to  have  some  one  to  talk  to. 

Suddenly  she  appeared,  and  in  an  instant 
I  fervently  blessed  Toddie  and  the  soup 
which  the  child  had  sent  upon  its  aimless 
wanderings.  I  would  rather  pay  the  price  of 
a  fine  dress  than  try  to  describe  Miss  May- 
ton's  attire;  I  can  only  say  that  in  style, 
color  and  ornament  it  became  her  perfectly, 
and  set  off  the  beauties  of  a  face  which  I  had 
never  before  thought  was  more  than  pleasing 
and  intelligent.  Perhaps  the  anger,  which 
was  excusable  after  Toddie 's  graceless  caper, 
had  something  to  do  with  putting  unusual 
color  into  her  cheeks,  and  a  brighter  sparkle 
than  usual  in  her  eyes.  Whatever  was  the 
cause,  she  looked  queenly,  and  I  half  imag 
ined  that  I  detected  in  her  face  a  gleam  of 
satisfaction  at  the  involuntary  start  which 
her  unexpected  appearance  caused  me  to 
make.  She  accepted  my  apology  for  Toddie 
with  queenly  graciousness,  and  then,  instead 
of  proposing  that  we  should  follow  the  other 


128  HELEN'S    BABIES 

ladies,  as  a  moment  before  I  had  hoped  she 
would,  she  dropped  into  a  chair.  I  accepted 
the  invitation ;  the  children  should  have  been 
in  bed  half  an  hour  before,  but  my  sense  of 
responsibility  had  departed  when  Miss  May- 
ton  appeared.  The  little  scamps  were  safe 
until  they  should  perform  some  new  and  un 
expected  act  of  impishness.  They  retired  to 
one  end  of  the  piazza,  and  busied  themselves 
in  experiments  upon  a  large  Newfoundland 
dog,  while  I,  the  happiest  man  alive,  talked 
to  the  glorious  woman  before  me,  and  enjoyed 
the  spectacle  of  her  radiant  beauty.  The 
twilight  came  and  deepened,  but  imagination 
prevented  the  vision  from  fading  With  the 
coming  of  the  darkness  and  the  starlight,  our 
voices  unconsciously  dropped  to  lower  tones, 
and  her  voice  seemed  purest  music.  And  yet 
we  said  nothing  which  all  the  world  might  not 
have  listened  to  without  suspecting  a  secret. 
The  ladies  returned  in  little  groups,  but  either 
out  of  womanly  intuition  or  in  answer  to  my 
unspoken  but  fervent  prayers,  passed  us  and 
went  into  the  house.  I  was  affected  by  an 


HELEN'S    BABIES  129 

odd  mixture  of  desperate  courage  and  despi 
cable  cowardice.  I  determined  to  tell  her  all, 
yet  I  shrank  from  the  task  with  more  terror 
than  ever  befell  me  in  the  first  steps  of  a 
charge. 

Suddenly  a  small  shadow  came  from  be 
hind  us  and  stood  between  us,  and  the  voice 
of  Budge  remarked:— 

"Uncle  Harry  'spects  you,  Miss  Mayton." 

" Suspects  me? — of  what,  pray?"  ex 
claimed  the  lady,  patting  my  nephew's  cheek. 

"  Budge!"  said  I — I  feel  that  my  voice 
rose  nearly  to  a  scream — "  Budge,  I  must  beg 
of  you  to  respect  the  sanctity  of  confidential 
communicat  ions . ' ' 

"  What  is  it,  Budge?"  persisted  Miss  May- 
ton.  "  You  know  the  old  adage,  Mr.  Burton: 
'Children  and  fools  speak  the  truth.'  Of 
what  does  he  suspect  me,  Budge?" 

"  'Taint  sus-pect  at  all,"  said  Budge,  "it's 
es-spect." 

"Expect?"  echoed  Miss  Mayton. 

"No,  not  'ex,'  it's  es-spect.  I  know  all 
about  it,  'cause  I  asked  him.  Es-spect  is 


130  HELEN'S    BABIES 

what  folks  do  when  they  think  you're  nice, 
and  like  to  talk  to  you,  and— 

"  Respect  is  what  the  boy  is  trying  to  say, 
Miss  Mayton,"  I  interrupted,  to  prevent  what 
I  feared  might  follow.  "  Budge  has  a  terrify 
ing  faculty  for  asking  questions,  and  the  re 
sult  of  some  of  them,  this  morning,  was  my 
endeavor  to  explain  to  him  the  nature  of  the 
respect  in  which  gentlemen  hold  ladies." 

'Yes,"  continued  Budge,  "I  know  all 
about  it.  Only  Uncle  Harry  don't  say  it 
right.  What  he  calls  espect  I  calls  love." 

There  was  an  awkward  pause — it  seemed 
an  age.  Another  blunder,  and  all  on  account 
of  those  dreadful  children.  I  could  think  of 
no  possible  way  to  turn  the  conversation; 
stranger  yet,  Miss  Mayton  could  not  do  so, 
either.  Something  must  be  done — I  could  at 
least  be  honest,  come  what  would — I  would 
be  honest. 

"Miss  Mayton,"  said  I,  hastily,  earnestly, 
but  in  a  very  low  tone.  "  Budge  is  a  marplot, 
but  he  is  a  truthful  interpreter  for  all  that. 
But  whatever  my  fate  may  be,  please  do  not 


HELEN'S    BABIES  131 

suspect  me  of  falling  suddenly  in  love  for  a 
holiday's  diversion.  My  malady  is  of  some 
months'  standing.  I- 

"/  want  to  talk  some/1  observed  Budge. 
"You  talk  all  the  whole  time.  I — I — when 
I  loves  anybody,  I  kisses  them." 

Miss  Mayton  gave  a  little  start,  and  my 
thoughts  followed  each  other  with  unimag- 
ined  rapidity.  She  did  not  turn  the  conver 
sation — it  could  not  be  possible  that  she 
could  not.  She  was  not  angry,  or  she  would 
have  expressed  herself.  Could  it  be  that— 

I  bent  over  her,  and  acted  upon  Budge's 
suggestion.  As  she  displayed  no  resentment, 
I  pressed  my  lips  a  second  time  to  her  fore 
head,  then  she  raised  her  head  slightly,  and  I 
saw,  in  spite  of  darkness  and  shadows,  that 
Alice  Mayton  had  surrendered  at  discretion. 
Taking  her  hand  and  straightening  myself  to 
my  full  height,  I  offered  to  the  Lord  more 
fervent  thanks  than  He  ever  heard  from  me 
in  church.  Then  I  heard  Budge  say,  "/ 
wants  to  kiss  you,  too,"  and  I  saw  my  glo 
rious  Alice  snatch  the  little  scamp  into  her 


HELEN'S    BABIES 

arms,  and  treat  him  with  more  affection  than 
I  ever  imagined  was  in  her  nature.  Then  she 
seized  Toddie,  and  gave  him  a  few  tokens  of 
forgiveness — I  dare  not  think  they  were  of 
gratitude. 

Suddenly  two  or  three  ladies  came  upon 
the  piazza. 

"Come,  boys,"  said  I;  "then  I'll  call  with 
the  carriage  to-morrow  at  three,  Miss  May- 
ton.  Good  evening." 

"  Good  evening,"  replied  the  sweetest  voice 
in  the  world;  "I'll  be  ready  at  three." 

" Budge,"  said  I,  as  soon  as  we  were  fairly 
outside  the  hedge-gate,  "  what  do  you  like 
better  than  anything  else  in  the  world  ? ' ' 

"Candy,"  said  Budge,  very  promptly. 

"What  next?" 

"Oranges." 

"What  next?" 

"  Oh,  figs,  an'  raisins,  an'  dear  little  kittie- 
kitties,  an'  drums,  an'  picture-books,  an'  lit 
tle  bakin'  dishes  to  make  mud-pies  in,  an' 
turtles,  an'  little  wheelbarrows." 

"Anything  else?" 


HELEN'S    BABIES 


133 


"Oh,   yes— great  big  black  dogs— an'  a 
goat,  an'  a  wagon  for  him  to  draw  me  in/' 


"Very  well, 

old  fellow— 
you   shall 
j  have  every  one  of 
those    things    to 
morrow." 

"Oh— h— h— h 
— h!"  exclaimed 
Budge,  "I  guess  you're  something  like  the 
Lord,  ain't  you?" 


ACTING  UPON  BUDGES' 

SUGGESTION 


i34  HELEN'S    BABIES 

"What  makes  you  think  so,  Budge?" 

"  Oh,  'cause  you  can  do  such  lots  of  things 
at  once.  But  ain't  poor  little  Tod  goin'  to 
havenoffin'?" 

"  Yes,  everything  he  wants.  What  would 
you  like,  Toddie?" 

41  Wants  a  candy  cigar,"  replied  Toddie. 

"What  else?" 

"  Don't  want  nnffin'  else — don't  want  to  be 
boddered  wif  lots  of  rings." 

The  thoughts  which  were  mine  that  night — - 
the  sense  of  how  glorious  a  thing  it  is  to  be  a 
man  and  be  loved — the  humility  that  comes 
with  such  a  victory  as  I  had  gained — the 
rapid  alternation  of  happy  thoughts  and  no 
ble  resolutions — what  man  is  there  who  does 
not  know  my  whole  story  better  than  I  can 
ttell  it?  I  put  my  nephews  to  bed;  I  told 
them  every  story  they  asked  for;  and  when 
Budge,  in  saying  his  prayers,  said/' an'  bless 
that  nice  lady  that  Uncle  Harry  'spects,"  I 
interrupted  his  devotions  with  a  hearty  hug. 
The  children  had  been  awake  so  far  beyond 
their  usual  hour  for  retiring  that  they  dropped 


HELEN'S    BABIES  135 

asleep  without  giving  any  special  notice  of 
their  intention  to  do  so.  Asleep,  their  faces 
were  simply  angelic.  As  I  stood,  candle  in 
hand,  gazing  gratefully  upon  them,  I  remem 
bered  a  sadly  neglected  duty.  I  hurried  to 
the  library  and  wrote  the  following  to  my 
sister : — 

"HILLCREST.  MONDAY  NIGHT. 

"DEAR  HELEN: — I  should  have  written  you  before 
had  I  been  exactly  certain  what  to  say  about  your 
boys.  I  confess  that  until  now  I  have  been  blind  to 
some  of  their  virtues,  and  have  imagined  I  detected 
an  occasional  fault.  But  the  scales  have  fallen  from 
my  eyes,  and  I  see  clearly  that  my  nephews  are  angels 
—positively  angels.  If  I  seem  to  speak  extravagant 
ly,  I  beg  to  refer  you  to  Alice  May  ton  for  collateral 
evidence.  Don't  come  home  at  all — everything  is 
just  as  it  should  be — even  if  you  come,  I  guess  I'll  in 
vite  myself  to  spend  the  rest  of  the  summer  with  you ; 
I've  changed  my  mind  about  its  being  a  bore  to  live 
out  of  town  and  take  trains  back  and  forth  every  day. 
Ask  Tom  to  think  over  such  bits  of  real  estate  in  your 
neighborhood  as  he  imagines  I  might  like. 

"I  repeat  it,  the  boys  are  angels,  and  Alice  Mayton 
is  another,  while  the  happiest  man  in  the  white  goods 
trade  is 

"Your  affectionate  brother 

"HARRY." 

Early  next  morning  I  sought  the  society  of 
my  nephews.  It  was  absolutely  necessary 


136  HELEN'S    BABIES 

that  I  should  overflow  to  some  one — some  one 
who  was  sympathetic  and  innocent  and  pure. 
I  longed  for  my  sister — my  mother,  but  to 
some  one  I  must  talk  at  once.  Budge  ful 
filled  my  requirements  exactly;  he  was  an 
excellent  listener,  very  sympathetic  by  na 
ture,  and  quick  to  respond.  Not  the  wisdom 
of  the  most  reverend  sage  alive  could  have 
been  so  grateful  to  my  ear  as  that  child's 
prattle  was  on  that  delightful  morning.  As 
for  Toddie — blessed  be  the  law  of  compensa 
tion! — his  faculty  of  repetition,  and  of  echo 
ing  whatever  he  heard  said,  caused  him  to 
murmur,  "Miff  Mayton,  Miff  Mayton,"  all 
morning  long,  and  the  sound  gained  in  sweet 
ness  by  its  ceaseless  iteration.  To  be  sure, 
Budge  took  early  and  frequent  occasions  to 
remind  me  of  my  promises  of  the  night  be 
fore,  and  Toddie  occasionally  demanded  the 
promised  candy  cigar;  but  these  very  inter 
ruptions  only  added  joy  to  my  own  topic  of 
interest  each  time  it  was  resumed.  The  fill 
ing  of  Budge's  orders  occupied  two  or  three 
hours  and  all  the  vacant  space  in  the  carriage ; 


HELEN'S    BABIES  137 

even  then  the  goat  and  goat-carriage  were 
compelled  to  follow  behind. 

The  program  for  the  afternoon  was  ar 
ranged  to  the  satisfaction  of  every  one.  I 
gave  the  coachman,  Mike,  a  dollar  to  harness 
the  goat  and  teach  the  children  to  drive  him ; 
this  left  me  free  to  drive  off  without  being 
followed  by  two  small  figures  and  two  pitiful 
howls. 

I  always  believed  a  horse  was  infected  by 
the  spirit  of  his  driver.  My  dear  old  four- 
footed  military  companions  always  seemed  to 
perfectly  comprehend  my  desires  and  inten 
tions,  and  certainly  my  brother-in-law's 
horses  entered  into  my  own  spirits  on  this 
particular  afternoon.  They  stepped  proudly, 
they  arched  their  powerful  necks  handsomely, 
their  feet  seemed  barely  to  touch  the  ground; 
yet  they  did  not  grow  restive  under  the  bit, 
nor  were  they  frightened,  even,  at  a  hideous 
steam  road-rolling  machine  which  passed  us. 
As  I  drove  up  to  Mrs.  Clarkson's  door  I  found 
that  most  of  the  boarders  were  on  the  piazza 
— the  memories  of  ladies  are  usually  good  at 


i38  HELEN'S    BABIES 

times.  Alice  immediately  appeared,  com- 
posed  of  course,  but  more  radiant  than  ever. 

"  Why,  where  are  the  boys  ? ' '  she  ex 
claimed. 

"  I  was  afraid  they  might  annoy  your 
mother,"  I  replied,  "so  I  left  them  behind." 

"Oh,  mother  hardly  feels  well  enough  to  go 
to-day,"  said  she;  "she  is  lying  down." 

"Then  we  can  pick  up  the  boys  on  the 
road,  "said  I,  for  which  remark  my  enchan 
tress,  already  descending  the  steps,  gave  me  a 
look  which  the  ladies  behind  her  would  have 
given  their  best  switches  to  have  seen.  We 
drove  off  as  decorously  as  if  it  were  Sunday 
and  we  were  going  to  church;  we  industri 
ously  pointed  out  to  each  other  every  hand 
some  garden  and  tasteful  residence  we 
passed;  we  met  other  people  driving,  and 
conversed  fluently  upon  their  horses,  car 
riages  and  dress.  But  when  we  reached  the 
edge  of  the  town,  and  I  turned  into  "  Happy 
Valley,"  a  road  following  the  depressions  and 
curves  of  a  long,  well-wooded  valley,  in  which 
there  was.  not  a  single  straight  line,  I  turned 


HELEN'S    BABIES 


and  looked  into  my  darling's  face.  Her  eyes 
met  mine,  and  although  they  were  full  of  a 
happiness  which  I  had  never  seen  in  them 
before,  they  filled  with  tears,  and  their  dear 
owner  dropped  her  head  on  my  shoulder. 

What  we  said  on  that  long  drive  would  not 
interest  the  reader.  I  have  learned  by  ex 
perience  to  skip  all  love  talks  in  novels,  no 
matter  how  delightful  the  lovers  may  be. 
Recalling  now  our  conversation,  it  does  not 
seem  to  have  had 
anything  w  o  n  - 
derful  in  it.  I 
will  only  say, 
that  if  I  had 
been  happy  on 
the  evening  be 
fore,  my  happi 
ness  now  seemed 
to  be  sanctified ; 
to  be  favored 
with  the  love  and  confidence  of  a  simple  girl 
scarcely  past  her  childhood,  is  to  receive  a 
greater  honor  than  court  or  field  can  bestow; 


TO    SKIP    ALL    LOVE    TALKS   IN 
NOVELS 


i4o  HELEN'S    BABIES 

but  even  this  honor  is  far  surpassed  by  that 
which  comes  to  a  man  when  a  woman  of  rare 
intelligence,  tact  and  knowledge  of  society  and 
the  world, unburdens  her  heart  of  all  its  hopes 
and  fears,  and  unhesitatingly  leaves  her  des 
tiny  to  be  shaped  by  his  love.  Women  like 
Alice  Mayton  do  not  thus  give  themselves  un 
reservedly  away,  except  when  their  trust  is 
born  of  knowledge  as  well  as  affection,  and 
the  realization  of  all  this  changed  me  on  that 
afternoon  from  whatever  I  had  been,  into 
what  I  had  long  hoped  I  might  one  day  be. 

But  the  hours  flew  rapidly,  and  I  reluc 
tantly  turned  the  horses'  heads  homeward. 
We  had  left  almost  the  whole  of  "  Happy 
Valley "  behind  us,  and  were  approaching 
residences  again. 

"  Now  we  must  be  very  proper, "  said  Alice. 

"Certainly,"  I  replied,  "here's  a  good-by 
to  happy  nonsense  for  this  afternoon." 

I  leaned  toward  her,  and  gently  placed  one 
arm  about  her  neck ;  she  raised  her  dear  face, 
from  which  joy  and  trust  had  banished  every 
indication  of  caution  and  reserve,  my  lips 


HELEN'S    BABIES  141 

sought  hers,  when  suddenly  we  heard  a  most 
unearthly,  discordant  shriek,  which  presently 
separated  into  two,  each  of  which  prolonged 
itself  indefinitely.  The  horses  started,  and 
Alice — blessed  be  all  frights  now,  henceforth 
and  f orevermore ! — clung  tightly  to  me.  The 
sounds  seemed  to  be  approaching  us,  and 
were  accompanied  by  a  lively  rattling  noise, 
that  seemed  to  be  made  by  something 
wooden.  Suddenly,  as  we  approached  a 
bend  in  the  road,  I  saw  my  youngest  nephew 
appear  from  some  unknown  space,  describe 
a  parabolic  curve  in  the  air,  ricochet  slightly 
from  an  earthy  protuberance  in  the  road,  and 
make  a  final  stop  in  the  gutter.  At  the  same 
time,  there  appeared  from  behind  the  bend,  the 
goat,  then  the  carriage  dragging  on  one  side, 
and,  lastly,  the  boy  Budge,  grasping  tightly 
the  back  of  the  carriage  body,  and  howling 
frightfully.  A  direct  collision  between  the 
carriage  and  a  stone  caused  Budge  to  loose  his 
hold,  while  the  goat,  after  taking  in  the  scene, 
trotted  leisurely  off,  and  disappeared  in  a  road 
leading  to  the  house  of  his  late  owner. 


142  HELEN'S    BABIES 

"Budge,"  I  shouted,  "stop  that  bawling, 
and  come  here!  "Where's  Mike?" 

1 '  He — boo — hoo — went    to — boo — 1  ight — 
his — boo — hoo — hoo — pipe,  an'  I  just  let  the 
—boo — hoo — whip  go  against  to  the  goat,  an' 
he  scattooed." 

"  Nashty  old  goat  scaddooed,"  said  Toddie, 
in  corroboration. 

11  Well,  walk  right  home,  and  tell  Maggie  to 
wash  and  dress  you,"  said  I. 

"  O  Harry,"  pleaded  Alice,  "after  they  ve 
been  in  such  danger !  Come  here  to  your  own 
Aunt  Alice,  Budgie,  dear, — and  you,  too,  Tod- 
die, — you  know  you  said  we  could  pick  the 
boys  up  on  the  road,  Harry.  There,  there- 
don 't  cry — let  me  wipe  the  ugly  old  dirt  off 
you,  and  kiss  the  face,  and  make  it  well." 

"  Alice,"  I  protested,  "  don't  let  those  dirty 
boys  clamber  all  over  you  in  that  way." 

"  Silence,  sir,"  said  she,  with  mock  dignity,' 
"who  gave  me  my  lover,  I  should  like  to 
ask?" 

So  we  drove  up  to  the  boarding-house  with 
the  air  of  people  who  had  been  devoting 


HELEN'S    BABIES 

themselves  to  a  couple  of  very  disreputable 
children,  and  I  drove  swiftly  away  again,  lest 
the  children  should  dispel  the  illusion.  We 
soon  met  Mike,  running.  The  moment  he 
recognized  us,  he  shouted: 

"  Ah,  ye  little  dhivils, — beggin'  yer  pardon, 
Masther    Harry,    an'    thankin'    the    Howly 


THE  GOAT,  THE  CARRIAGE  AND  THE  BOYS 

Mither  that  their  good-for-nothin'  little  bones 
ain't  broke  to  bits.  Av  they  saw  a  hippy- 
pottymus  hitched  to  Pharaoh's  chariot,' 
they'd  think  'emselves  jist  the  byes  to  take 
the  bossin'  av  it,  the  spalpeens!" 

But  no  number  of  ordinary  hippopotami 
and  chariots  could  have  disturbed  the  heav- 


144  HELEN'S    BABIES 

enly  tranquillity  of  my  mind  on  this  most 
glorious  of  evenings.  Even  a  subtle  sense  of 
the  fitness  of  things  seemed  to  overshadow 
my  nephews.  Perhaps  the  touch  of  my  en 
chantress  did  it;  perhaps  it  came  only  from 
the  natural  relapse  from  great  excitement; 
but  no  matter  what  the  reason  was,  the  fact 
remains  that  for  the  rest  of  the  evening  two 
very  dirty  suits  of  clothes  held  two  children 
who  gave  one  some  idea  of  how  the  denizens 
of  Paradise  might  seem  and  act.  They  even 
ate  their  suppers  without  indulging  in  any  of 
the  repulsive  ways  of  which  they  had  so  large 
an  assortment,  and  they  did  not  surrepti 
tiously  remove  from  the  table  any  fragments 
of  bread  and  butter  to  leave  on  the  piano,  in 
the  card -basket,  and  other  places  inappro 
priate  to  the  reception  of  such  varieties  of 
abandoned  property.  They  demanded  a 
song  after  supper,  but  when  I  sang,  "  Drink 
to  me  only  with  Thine  Eyes,"  and  ''Thou, 
Thou,  Reign 'st  in  this  Bosom,"  they  stood  by 
with  silent  tongues  and  appreciative  eyes. 
When  they  went  to  bed,  I  accompanied  them 


HELEN'S    BABIES  145 

by  special  invitation,  but  they  showed  no  dis 
position  to  engage  in  the  usual  bedtime  frolic 
and  miniature  pandemonium.  Budge,  when 
in  bed,  closed  his  eyes,  folded  his  hands,  and 
prayed  :— 

"  Dear  Lord,  bless  papa  an'  mamma,  an* 
Toddie,  an'  Uncle  Harry,  an'  everybody  else; 
yes,  an'  bless  just  lots  that  lovely,  lovely  lady 
that  comforted  me  after  the  goat  was  bad  to 
me,  an'  let  her  comfort  me  lots  of  times,  for 
Christ's  sake,  Amen." 

And  Toddie  wriggled,  twisted,  breathed 
heavily,  threw  his  head  back,  and  prayed  :— 

"Dee  Lord,  don't  let  dat  old  goat  fro  .me 
into  de  gutter  on  my  head  aden,  an'  let  Ocken 
Hawwy  an'  ze  pitty  lady  be  dere  netst  time 
I  dets  hurted." 

Then  the  good-night  salutations  were  ex 
changed,  and  I  left  the  little  darlings  and  en 
joyed  communion  with  my  own  thoughts, 
which  were  as  peaceful  and  ecstatic  as  if  the 
world  contained  no  white  goods  houses,  no 
doubtful  customers,  no  business  competition, 
no  politics,  gold  rooms,  stock-boards,  doubt- 


i46  HELEN'S    BABIES 

ful  banks,  political  scandals,  personal  iniquity 
nor  anything  which  would  prevent  a  short 
vacation  from  lasting  through  a  long  life 
time. 

The  next  morning  would  have  struck  ter 
ror  to  the  heart  of  any  one  but  a  newly  ac 
cepted  lover.  Rain  was  falling  fast,  and  in 
that  steady,  industrious  manner  which 
seemed  to  assert  an  intention  to  stick  closely 
to  business  for  the  whole  day.  The  sky  was 
covered  by  one  impenetrable,  leaden  cloud, 
water  stood  in  pools  in  the  streets  which  were 
soft  with  dust  a  few  hours  before;  the  flowers 
all  hung  their  heads,  like  vagabonds  who  had 
been  awake  all  night  and  were  ashamed  to 
face  the  daylight.  Even  the  chickens  stood 
about  in  dejected  attitudes,  and  stray  roos 
ters  from  other  poultry  yards  found  refuge  in 
Tom's  coop,  without  first  being  subjected  to 
a  trial  of  strength  and  skill  by  Tom's  game 
cock. 

But  no  man  in  my  condition  of  mind  could 
be  easily  depressed  by  bad  weather.  I  would 
rather  have  been  able  to  drive  about  under  a 


HELEN'S    BABIES  147 

clear  sky,  or  lounge  under  the  trees,  or  walk 
to  the  post-office  in  the  afternoon  by  the  road 
which  passed  directly  in  front  of  Mrs.  Clark- 
son's  boarding-house;  but  man  should  not 
live  for  himself  alone.  In  the  room  next 
mine,  were  slumbering  two  wee  people  to 
whom  I  owed  a  great  deal,  and  who  would 
mourn  bitterly  when  they  saw  the  condition 
of  the  skies  and  ground — I  would  devote 
myself  to  the  task  of  making  them  so  happy 
that  they  would  forget  the  absence  of  sun 
shine  out  of  doors — I  would  sit  by  their  bed 
side  and  have  a  story  ready  for  them  the 
moment  they  awoke,  and  put  them  in  such 
a  good  humor  that  they  could  laugh,  with 
me,  at  cloud  and  rain. 

I  began  at  once  to  construct  a  story  for 
their  especial  benefit;  the  scene  was  to  be  a 
country  residence  on  a  rainy  day,  and  the 
actors  two  little  boys  who  should  become  up 
roariously  jolly  in  spite  of  the  weather.  Like 
most  people  not  used  to  story-making,  my 
progress  was  not  very  rapid;  in  fact,  I  had 
got  no  farther  than  the  plot  indicated  above, 


i48  HELEN'S    BABIES 

when  an  angry  snarl  came  from  the  children's 
room. 

"What's  the  matter,  Budge?"  I  shouted, 
dressing  myself  as  rapidly  as  possible. 

"  Ow — oo — ya — ng — um — boo — gaa ! ' '  was 
the  somewhat  complicated  response. 
"What  did  you  say,  Budge?" 
"Didn't  say  noffin'." 
"Oh— that's  what  I  thought." 
"Didnt  thought." 
"  Budge, — Budge, — be  good." 
" Don't  want  to  be  good — ya — A — A!" 
"Let's  have  some  fun,  Budge — don't  you 
want  to  frolic?" 

"No;  I  don't  think  frolics  is  nice." 
"  Don't  you  want  some  candy,  Budge?' 
"No — you  ain't  got  no  candy,  I  bleeve." 
"  Well,  you  sha'n't  have  any,  if  you  don't 
stop  being  so  cross." 

The  only  reply  to  this  was  a  mighty  and  audi 
ble  rustling  of  the  bedding  in  the  boys'  room, 
followed  by  a  sound  strongly  resembling  that 
caused  by  a  slap ;  then  came  a  prolonged  wail, 
resembling  that  of  an  ungreased  wagon  wheel. 


HELEN'S    BABIES  149 

"What's  the  matter,  Toddie?" 

"  Budge  s'apped  me — ah — h — h — h!" 

"What  made  you  slap  your  brother, 
Budge?" 

"I  didn't." 

"You  did!"  screamed  Toddie. 

"  I  tell  you  I  didn't — you're  a  naughty,  bad 
boy  to  tell  such  lies,  Toddie." 

"What  did  you  do,  Budge?"  I  asked. 

"Why — why — I  was — I  was  turnin'  over 
in  bed,  an'  my  hand  was  out,  an'  it  tumbled 
against  to  Toddie — that's  what." 

By  this  time  I  was  dressed  and  in  the  boys' 
room.  Both  my  nephews  were  sitting  up  in 
bed,  Budge  looking  as  sullen  as  an  old  jail 
bird,  and  Toddie  with  tears  streaming  all 
over  his  face. 

"  Boys,"  said  I,  "  don't  be  angry  with  each 
other — it  isn't  right.  What  do  you  suppose 
the  Lord  thinks,  when  He  sees  you  so  cross 
to  each  other?" 

"  He  don't  think  noffin', "  said  Budge ;  "  you 
don't  think  He  can  look  through  a  black  sky 
like  that,  do  you?" 


1 50  HELEN'S    BABIES 

"He  can  look  anywhere,  Budge,  and  He 
feels  very  unhappy  when  He  sees  little 
brothers  angry  with  each  other." 

"  Well,  I  feel  unhappy,  too — I  wish  there 
wasn't  never  no  old  rain,  nor  noffin'." 

"Then  what  would  plants  and  flowers  do 
for  a  drink  and  where  would  rivers  come  from 
for  you  to  go  sailing  on?" 

"An'  wawtoo  to  mate  mud-pies,"  added 
Toddie.  "You's  a  naughty  boy,  Budgie"; 
and  here  Toddie 's  tears  began  to  flow 
afresh. 

"  I  ain't  a  bad  boy,  an'  I  don't  want  no  old 
rain  nohow,  an'  that's  all  about  it.  An'  I 
don't  want  to  get  up,  an'  Maggie  must  bring 
me  up  my  breakfast  in  bed." 

"Boo — hoo — oo,"  wept  Toddie,  "wants 
my  brepspup  in  bed  too." 

"Boys,"  said  I,  "now  listen.  You  can't 
have  any  breakfast  at  all,  unless  you  are  up 
and  dressed  by  the  time  the  bell  rings.  The 
rising-bell  rang  some  time  ago.  Now  dress 
like  good  boys,  and  you  shall  have  some 
breakfast,  and  then  you'll  feel  a  great  deal 


HELEN'S    BABIES 

nicer,  and  then  Uncle  Harry  will  play  with 
you  and  tell  you  stories  all  day  long." 

Budge  crept  reluctantly  out  of  bed  and 
caught  up  one  of  his  stockings,  while  Toddie 
again  began  to  cry. 


5V 

"AN*  WAWTOO  TO  MATE  MUD-PIES'! 

"Toddie!"  I  shouted,  "stop  that  dreadful 
racket,  and  dress  yourself!  What  are  you 
crying  for?" 

"Well,  I  feelshbad." 

1 1  Well,  dress  yourself,  and  you  '11  feel  better. ' ' 


152  HELEN'S    BABIES 

"  Wantsh  you  to  djesh  me." 

"Bring  me  your  clothes,  then — quick!" 

Again  the  tears  flowed  copiously.  "  Don't 
want  to  bring  'em,"  said  Toddie. 

"Then  come  here!"  I  shouted,  dragging 
him  across  the  room  and  snatching  up  his 
tiny  articles  of  apparel.  I  had  dressed  no 
small  children  since  I  was  rather  a  small  boy 
myself,  and  Toddie 's  clothing  confused  me 
somewhat.  I  finally  got  something  on  him, 
when  a  contemptuous  laugh  from  Budge  in 
terrupted  me. 

"  How  you  goin'  to  put  his  shirt  on 
under  them  things  ? ' '  queried  my  oldest 
nephew. 

"Budge,"  I  retorted,  "how  are  you  going 
to  get  any  breakfast  if  you  don't  put  on  some 
thing  besides  that  stocking  ? ' ' 

The  young  man's  countenance  fell,  and 
just  then  the  breakfast-bell  rang.  Budge 
raised  a  blank  face,  hurried  to  the  head  of  the 
stairs  and  shouted : — 

"Maggie?" 

"What  is  it,  Budge?" 


HELEN'S    BABIES  153 

"Was — was  that  the  rising-bell  or  the 
breakfast-bell?" 

"  Twas  the  breakfast-bell." 

There  was  dead  silence  for  a  moment,  and 
then  Budge  shouted : — 

"  Well,  we'll  call  that  the  risin'-bell.  You 
can  ring  another  bell  for  breakfast  pretty 
soon,  when  I  get  dressed.'*  Then  this  volun 
teer  adjuster  of  household  affairs  came  calmly 
back  and  commenced  dressing  in  good  ear 
nest,  while  I  labored  along  with  Toddie's 
wardrobe. 

"  Where's  the  button-hook,  Budge?"  said  I. 

"  It's — I — oh — um — I  put  it — say,  Tod, 
what  did  you  do  with  the  button-hook  yes 
terday?" 

"Didn't  hazh  no  button-hook,"  asserted 
Toddie. 

"  Yes,  you  did ;  don't  you  'member  how  we 
was  a  play  in'  draw  teef,  an'  the  doctor's  dog 
had  the  toofache,  and  I  was  pullin'  his  teef 
with  the  button-hook  an'  you  was  my  little 
boy,  an'  I  gived  the  toof -puller  to  you  to  hold 
for  me?  Where  did  you  put  it?" 


154  HELEN'S    BABIES 

"I'd  no,"  replied  Toddie,  putting  his  hand 
in  his  pocket  and  bringing  out  a  sickly-look- 
mg  toad. 

"  Feel  again,"  said  I,  throwing  the  toad  out 
of  the  window,  where  it  was  followed  by  an 
agonized  shriek  from  Toddie.  Again  he  felt, 
and  his  search  was  rewarded  by  the  tension- 
screw  of  Helen's  sewing-machine.  Then  I 
attempted  some  research  myself,  and  speed 
ily  found  my  fingers  adhering  to  something 
of  a  sticky  consistency.  I  quickly  withdrew 
my  hand,  exclaiming: — 

"What  nasty  stuff  have  you  got  in  your 
pocket,  Toddie?" 

"  'Tain'tnashty  'tuff — it'sbyeadan'  'lasses, 
an'  it's  nice,  an'  Budge  an'  me  hazh  little  tea 
parties  in  de  kicken-coop,  an'  we  eats  it,  an' 
,its  dovely." 

All  this  was  lucid  and  disgusting,  but  ut 
terly  unproductive  of  button-hooks,  and 
meanwhile  the  breakfast  was  growing  cold. 
I  succeeded  in  buttoning  Toddie 's  shoes  with 
my  fingers,  splitting  most  of  my  nails  in  the 
operation.  I  had  beeix  too  busily  engaged 


HELEN'S    BABIES  155 

with  Toddie  to  pay  any  attention  to  Budge, 
who  I  now  found  about  half  dressed  and  try 
ing  to  catch  flies  on  the  window  pane. 

Snatching  Toddie,  I  started  for  the  din 
ing-room,  when  Budge  remarked  reprovingly: 

"  Uncle  Harry,  you  wasn't  dressed  when 
the  bell  rang,  and  you  oughtn't  to  have  any 
breakfast." 

True  enough — I  was  minus  collar,  cravat, 
and  coat.  Hurrying  these  on,  and  starting 
again,  I  was  once  more  arrested : — • 

"  Uncle  Harry,  must  I  brush  my  teeth  this 
morning?" 

"  No — hurry  up — come  down  without  do 
ing  anything  more,  if  you  like,  but  come — 
it'll  be  dinner-time  before  we  get  breakfast." 

Then  that  imp  was  moved,  for  the  first 
time  that  morning  to  something  like  good 
nature,  and  he  exclaimed  with  a  giggle: — 

"  My!  What  big  stomachs  we'd  have  when 
we  got  done,  wouldn't  we?" 

At  the  breakfast  table  Toddie  wept  again, 
because  I  insisted  on  beginning  operations 
before  Budge  came.  Then  neither  boy  knew 


156  HELEN'S    BABIES 

exactly  what  he  wanted.  Then  Budge  man- 
aged  to  upset  the  contents  of  his  plate  into 
his  lap,  and  while  I  was  helping  him  to  clear 
away  the  debris,  Toddie  improved  the  oppor 
tunity  to  pour  his  milk  upon  his  fish  and  put 
several  spoonfuls  of  oatmeal  porridge  into 
my  coffee-cup.  I  made  an  early  excuse  to 
leave  the  table  and  turn  the  children  over  to 
Maggie.  I  felt  as  tired  as  if  I  had  done  a 
hard  day's  work,  and  was  somewhat  appalled 
at  realizing  that  the  day  had  barely  begun. 
I  lit  a  cigar  and  sat  down  to  Helen's  piano. 
I  am  not  a  musician,  but  even  the  chords  of 
a  hand-organ  would  have  seemed  sweet 
music  to  me  on  that  morning.  The  music- 
book  nearest  to  my  hand  was  a  church  hymn- 
book,  and  the  first  air  my  eye  struck  was 
"  Greenville. ' '  I  lived  .once  in  a  town,  where, 
on  a  single  day,  a  peddler  disposed  of  thirty- 
eight  accordions,  each  with  an  instruction- 
book  in  which  this  same  air,  under  its  original 
name,  was  the  only  air.  For  years  after,  a 
single  bar  of  this  air  awakened  the  most 
melancholy  reflections  in  my  mind,  but  now 


HELEN'S    BABIES 

1  forgave  all  my  musical  tormentors  as  the 
familiar  strains  came  comfortingly  from  the 
piano-keys.  But  suddenly  I  heard  an  ac 
companiment — a  sort  of  reedy  sound — and 
looking  round,  I  saw  Toddie  again  in  tears. 
I  stopped  abruptly  and  asked : — 


WANTSH    DANCIN      TUNE 


"  What's  the  matter  now,  Toddie?0 
"  Don't  want  dat  old  tune;  wantsh  dancin' 
tune,  so  I  can  dance." 

I  promptly  played  "Yankee  Doodle,"  and 
Toddie  began  to  trot  around  the  room  with 
the  expression  of  a  man  who  intended  to  do 


1 58  HELEN'S    BABIES 

his  whole  duty.  Then  Budge  appeared,  hug 
ging  a  bound  volume  of  "  St.  Nicholas.*'  The 
moment  that  Toddie  espied  this  he  stopped 
dancing  and  devoted  himself  anew  to  the  task 
of  weeping. 

"Toddie!"  I  shouted,  springing  from  the 
piano  stool,  "  what  do  you  mean  by  crying  at 
everything  ?  I  shall  have  to  put  you  to  bed 
again  if  you're  going  to  be  such  a  baby." 

'That's  the  way  he  always  does,  rainy 
days,"  exclaimed  Budge. 

u  Wantsh  to  see  the  whay-al  what  f wal 
lowed  Djonah,"  sobbed  Toddie. 

"  Can't  you  demand  something  that's  with 
in  the  range  of  possibility,  Toddie?"  I  mildly 
asked. 

"  The  whale  Toddie  means  is  in  this  big  red 
book;  I'll  find  it  for  you,"  said  Budge,  turn 
ing  over  the  leaves. 

Suddenly  a  rejoicing  squeal  from  Toddie 
announced  that  leviathan  had  been  found, 
and  I  hastened  to  gaze.  He  was  certainly  a 
dreadful-looking  animal,  but  he  had  an  enor 
mous  mouth,  which  Toddie  caressed  with  his 


HELEN'S    BABIES  159 

pudgy  little  hand,  and  kissed  with  tenderness, 
murmuring  as  he  did  so : — 

"  Dee  old  whay-al,  I  loves  you.  Is  Djonah 
all  goneded  out  of  you  'tomach,  whay-al?  I 
finks  'twas  weal  mean  in  Djonah  to  get  froed 
up  when  you  hadn't  noffin'  else  to  eat,  poor 
old  whay-al." 

"  Of  course  Jonah's  gone,"  said  Budge,  "  he 
went  to  heaven  long  ago — pretty  soon  after 
he  went  to  Nineveh  an'  done  what  the  Lord 
told  him  to  do.  Now  swing  us,  Uncle 
Harry." 

The  swing  was  on  the  piazza  under  cover 
from  the  rain;  so  I  obeyed.  Both  boys 
fought  for  the  right  to  swing  first,  and  when 
I  decided  in  favor  of  Budge,  Toddie  went  off 
weeping,  and  declaring  that  he  would  look  at 
his  dear  whay-al  anyhow.  A  moment  later 
his  wail  changed  to  a  piercing  shriek;  and, 
running  to  his  assistance,  I  saw  him  holding 
one  finger  tenderly  and  trampling  on  a  wasp. 

"  What's  the  matter,  Toddie?" 

"  Oo — oo — ee — ee — ee — ee — I  putted  my 
finger  on  a  waps,  and — oo — oo — the  nasty  old 


160          .   HELEN'S    BABIES 

waps — oo — bitedme.  An'  I  don't  like  wapses 
a  bit,  but  I  likes  whay-als — oo — ee — ee." 

A  happy  thought  struck  me.  "  Why  don't 
you  boys  make  believe  that  big  packing-box 
in  your  play-room  is  a  whale?"  said  I. 

A  compound  shriek  of  delight  followed  the 
suggestion,  and  both  boys  scrambled  upstairs, 
leaving  me  a  free  man  again.  I  looked  re 
morsefully  at  the  tableful  of  books  which  I 
had  brought  to  read,  and  had  not  looked  at 
for  a  week.  Even  now  my  remorse  did  not 
move  me  to  open  them — I  found  myself,  in 
stead,  attracted  toward  Tom's  library,  and 
conning  the  titles  of  novels  and  volumes  of 
poems.  My  eye  was  caught  by  "  Initials,"  a 
love  story  which  I  had  always  avoided  be 
cause  I  had  heard  impressionable  young  ladies 
rave  about  it;  but  now  I  picked  it  up  and 
dropped  into  an  easy  chair.  Suddenly  I 
heard  Mike,  the  coachman,  shouting:— 

"Go  'way  from  there,  will  ye?  Ah,  ye 
little  spalpeen,  it's  good  for  ye  that  yer  fahder 
don't  see  ye  perched  up  dhere.  Go  'way  from 
dhat,  or  I'll  be  tellin'  yer  uncle." 


HELEN'S    BABIES  161 

" Don't  care  for  nashty  old  uncle,"  piped 
Toddle's  voice. 

I  laid  down  my  book  with  a  sigh,  and 
went  into  the  garden.  Mike  saw  me  and 
shouted : 

"Mister  Burthon,  will  you  look  dhere? 
Did  ye's  ever  see  the  loike  av  dhat  bye?" 

Looking  up  at  the  play-room  window,  a 
long,  narrow  sort  of  loop-hole  in  a  Gothic 
gable,  I  beheld  my  youngest  nephew  standing 
upright  on  the  sill. 

"Toddie,  go  in — quick!"  I  shouted,  hur 
rying  under  the  window  to  catch  him  in  case 
he  fell  outward. 

"I  tan't!"  squealed  Toddie. 

"Mike,  run  upstairs  and  snatch  him  in! 
Toddie,  go  in,  I  tell  you!" 

"  Tell  you  I  tan't  doe  in,"  repeated  Toddie. 

Xrvy 

"  Ze  bid  bots  ish  ze  whay-al,  an'  I'ze  Djonah, 
an'  ze  whay-al's  froed  me  up,  an'  I'ze  dot  to 
'tay  up  here  else  ze  whay-al  'ill  fwallow  me 
aden." 

"  I  won't  let  him  swallow  you.     Get  in  now 
—hurry,"  said  I. 


i62  HELEN'S   BABIES 

"  Will  you  give  him  a  penny  not  to  fwallow 
me  no  more?"  queried  Toddie. 

"  Yes — a  whole  lot  of  pennies." 

"Aw  wight.  Whay-al,  don't  you  fwallow 
me  no  more,  an'  zen  my  Ocken  Hawwy  div 
you  whole  lots  of  pennies.  You  must  be  weal 
dood  whay-al  now,  an'  then  I  buys  you  some 
tandy  wif  your  pennies,  an'- 

Just  then  two  great  hands  seized  Toddie 's 
frock  in  front,  and  he  disappeared  with  a 
howl,  while  I,  with  the  first  feeling  of  faint- 
ness  I  had  ever  experienced,  went  in  search 
of  hammer,  nails,  and  some  strips  of  board, 
to  nail  on  the  outside  of  the  window-frame. 
But  boards  could  not  be  found,  so  I  went  up 
to  the  play-room  and  began  to  knock  a  piece 
or  two  off  the  box  which  had  done  duty  as 
whale.  A  pitiful  scream  from  Toddie  caused 
me  to  stop. 

"  You're  hurt  in'  my  dee  old  whay-al ;  you's 
breakin'  his  'tomach  all  open — you's  a  baddy 
man — 'top  hurt  in'  my  whay-al,  ee — ee — ee!" 
cried  my  nephew. 

"I'm  not  hurting  him,  Toddie,"  said  I; 


HELEN'S   BABIES 


163 


"  I'm  making  his  mouth  bigger,  so  he  can 
swallow  you  easier." 

A  bright  thought  came  into  Toddie's  face 
and  shone  through  his 
tears.     "Then  he  can 
f wallow  Budgie  too,  an' 
there'll    be 
two   D  j  o  - 
nahs — ha — 
h  a  — h  a  ! 
Make  his 
mouf  so  big 
he  can  f  wal 
low  Mike, 
an'    z  e  n 


TWO    GREAT    HANDS    SEIZED    TODDIE 


mate  it  'it- 
tie  aden,  so 
Mike  tan't  det  out;  nashty  old  Mike!" 

I  explained  that  Mike  would  not  come  up 
stairs  again,  so  I  was  permitted  to  depart 
after  securing  the  window. 

Again  I  settled  myself  with  book  and  cigar) 
there  was  at  least  for  me  the  extra  enjoyment 
that  comes  from  the  sense  of  pleasure  earned 


1 64  HELEN'S    BABIES 

by  honest  toil.  Pretty  soon  Budge  entered 
the  room.  I  affected  not  to  notice  him,  but 
he  was  not  in  the  least  abashed  by  my 
neglect. 

" Uncle  Harry,"  said  he,  throwing  himself 
in  my  lap,  between  my  book  and  me,  "  I  don't 
feel  a  bit  nice." 

"  What's  the  matter,  old  fellow?"  I  asked. 
Until  he  spoke  I  could  have  boxed  his  ears 
with  great  satisfaction  to  myself;  but  there 
is  so  much  genuine  feeling  in  whatever  Budge 
says  that  he  commands  respect. 

"  Oh,  I'm  tired  of  playin'  with  Toddie,  an' 
I  feel  lonesome.  Won 't  you  tell  me  a  story  ? ' ' 

"Then  what '11  poor  Toddie  do,  Budge?" 

"  Oh,  he  won't  mind — he's  got  a  dead 
mouse  to  be  Jonah  now,  so  I  don't  have  no 
fun  at  all.  Won't  you  tell  me  a  story?" 

"Which  one?" 

"  Tell  me  one  that  I  never  heard  before  at 
all." 

"Well,  let's  see;   I  guess  I'll  tell- 

"Ah — ah — ah — ah — ee — ee — ee! "  sounded 
afar  off,  but  fatefully.  It  came  nearer — it 


HELEN'S    BABIES 


165 


came  down  the  stairway  and  into  the  library, 
accompanied  by  Toddie,  who,  on  spying  me, 
dropped  his  inarticulate  utterance,  held  up 
both  hands,  and  exclaimed: — 

"  Djonah  bwoke  he 
tay-al!" 

True  enough ;  in  one 
hand  Toddie  held  the 
body    of  a 
mouse,  and 


"HE'S    GOT   A   DEAD   MOUSE   TO    BE   JONAH    NOW" 

in  the  other  that  animal's  caudal  appendage; 
there  was  also  perceptible,  though  not  by  the 
sense  of  sight,  an  objectionable  odor  in  the 
room. 

"  Toddie/'  said  I,  "  go  throw  Jonah  into  the 
chicken  coop,  and  I'll  give  you  some  candy." 

"Me  too,"  shouted  Budge,  "'cos  I  found 
the  mouse  for  him." 

I  made  both  boys  happy  with  candy,  ex- 


166  HELEN'S    BABIES 

acted  a  pledge  not  to  go  out  in  the  rain,  and 
then,  turning  them  loose  on  the  piazza,  re 
turned  to  my  book.  I  had  read,  perhaps, 
half  a  dozen  pages,  when  there  arose  and 
swelled  rapidly  in  volume  a  scream  from 
Toddie.  Madly  determined  to  put  both  boys 
into  chairs,  tie  them,  and  clap  adhesive  plas 
ter  over  their  mouths,  I  rushed  out  upon  the 
piazza. 

"Budgie  tried  to  eat  my  candy,"  com 
plained  Toddie. 

"I  didn't, "said  Budge. 

11  What  did  you  do?"  I  demanded. 

"  I  didn't  bite  it  at  all — I  only  wanted  to 
see  how  it  would  feel  between  my  teeth— 
that 'sail." 

I  felt  the  corners  of  my  mouth  breaking 
down,  and  hurried  back  to  the  library,  where 
I  spent  a  quiet  quarter  of  an  hour  in  ponder 
ing  over  the  demoralizing  influence  exerted 
upon  principle  by  a  sense  of  the  ludicrous. 
For  some  time  afterward  the  boys  got  along 
without  doing  anything  worse  than  make  a 
dreadful  noise,  which  caused  me  to  resolve  to 


HELEN'S    BABIES  167 

find  some  method  of  deadening  piazza  floors 
if  I  ever  owned  a  house  in  the  country.  In 
the  occasional  intervals  of  comparative  quiet, 
I  caught  snatches  of  very  funny  conversation. 
The  boys  had  coined  a  great  many  words 
whose  meaning  was  evident  enough,  but  I 
wondered  greatly  why  Tom  and  Helen  had 
never  taught  them  the  proper  substitutes. 

Among  others  was  the  word  "deader,'* 
whose  meaning  I  could  not  imagine.  Budge 
shouted : — 

"  O  Tod !  there  comes  a  deader !  See  where 
all  them  things  like  rooster's  tails  are 
a-shakin'? — Well,  there's  a  deader  under 
them.'1 

"  Datsh  funny,"  remarked  Toddie. 

"An*  see  all  the  peoples  a-comin*  along," 
continued  Budge,  "they  know  'bout  the 
/deader,  an*  they're  goin*  to  see  it  fixed.  Here 
it  comes.  Hello,  deader!" 

"Hay-oh,  deader !"  echoed  Toddie. 

What  could  "deader"  mean? 

"Oh,  here  it  is  right  in  front  of  us,"  cried 
Budge,  "and  ain't  there  lots  of  people?  An5 


168  HELEN'S    BABIES 

two  horses  to  pull  the  deader — some  deaders 
has  only  one/' 

My  curiosity  was  too  much  for  my  weari 
ness;  I  went  to  the  front  window,  and,  peer 
ing  through,  saw — a  funeral  procession!  In 
a  second  I  was  on  the  piazza,  with  my  hands 
on  the  children's  collars;  a  second  later  two 
small  boys  were  on  the  floor  of  the  hall,  the 
front  door  was  closed,  and  two  determined 
hands  covered  two  threatening  little  mouths. 

When  the  procession  had  fairly  passed  the 
house,  I  released  the  boys  and  heard  two  pro 
longed  howls  for  my  pains.  Then  I  asked 
Budge  if  he  wasn't  ashamed  to  talk  that  way 
when  a  funeral  was  passing. 

"  'Twasn't  a  funeral,"  said  he,  "  'Twas  only 
a  deader,  an'  deaders  can't  hear  noffin'." 

"But  the  people  in  the  carriages  could," 
said  I. 

"Well,"  said  he,  "they  were  so  glad  that 
the  other  part  of  the  deader  had  gone  to 
heaven  that  they  didn't  care  what  I  said. 
Everbody's  glad  when  the  other  part  of  dead 
ers  go  to  heaven.  Papa  told  me  he  was  glad 


HELEN'S    BABIES  169 

dear  little  Phillie  was  in  heaven,  an'  I  was, 
but  I  do  want  to  see  him  again  awful." 

"  Wantsh  to  shee  Phillie  aden  awfoo,"  said 
Toddie,  as  I  kissed  Budge  and  hurried  off  to 
the  library,  unfit  just  then  to  administer 
further  instruction  or  reproof.  Of  one  thing 
I  was  very  certain — I  wished  the  rain  would 
cease  falling,  so  the  children  could  go  out  of 
doors,  and  I  could  get  a  little  rest,  and  free 
dom  from  responsibility.  But  the  skies 
showed  no  sign  of  being  emptied,  the  boys 
were  snarling  on  the  stairway,  and  I  was 
losing  my  temper  quite  rapidly. 

Suddenly  I  bethought  me  of  one  of  the 
delights  of  my  own  childish  days — the  mak 
ing  of  scrap-books.  One  of  Tom's  library 
drawers  held  a  great  many  Lady's  Journals. 
Of  course  Helen  meant  to  have  them  bound, 
but  I  could  easily  re-purchase  the  numbers 
for  her;  they  would  cost  two  or  three  dollars, 
but  peace  was  cheap  at  that  price.  On  a 
high  shelf  in  the  play-room  I  had  seen  some 
supplementary  volumes  of  "  Mercantile 
Agency"  reports,  which  would  in  time  reach 


HELEN'S    BABIES 

the  rag-bag;  there  was  a  bottle  of  mucilage 
in  the  library  desk,  and  the  children  owned 
an  old  pair  of  scissors.  Within  five  minutes 
I  had  located  two  happy  children  on  the 
bath-room  floor,  taught  them  to  cut  out  pic 
tures  (which  operation  I  quickly  found  they 
understood  as  well  as  I  did)  and  to  paste 
them  into  the  extemporized  scrap-book. 
Then  I  left  them,  recalling  something  from 
Newman  Hall's  address  on  the  "  Dignity  of 
Labor."  Why  hadn't  I  thought  before  of 
showing  my  nephews  some  way  of  occupying 
their  minds  and  hands?  Who  could  blame 
the  helpless  little  things  for  following  every 
prompting  of  their  unguided  minds?  Had  I 
not  a  hundred  times  been  told,  when  sent  to 
the  woodpile  or  the  weediest  part  of  the  gar 
den  in  my  youthful  days,  that 

"  Satan  finds  some  mischief  still 
For  idle  hands  to  do?" 

Never  again  would  I  blame  the  children  for 
being  mischievous  when  their  minds  were 
neglected. 

I  spent  a  peaceful,  pleasant  hour  over  my 


HELEN'S    BABIES  171 

novel,  when  I  felt  that  a  fresh  cigar  would  be 
acceptable.  Going  upstairs  in  search  of  one, 
I  found  that  Budge  had  filled  the  bath-tub 
with  water,  and  was  sailing  boats,  that  is, 
hair-brushes. 

Even  this  seemed  too  mild  an  offense  to  call 
for  a  rebuke,  so  I  passed  on  without  disturb 
ing  him,  and  went  to  my  own  room.  I  heard 
Toddie's  voice,  and  having  heard  from  my 
sister  that  Toddie's  conversations  with  him 
self  were  worth  listening  to,  I  paused  outside 
the  door.  I  heard  Toddie  softly  murmur : — • 

"Zere,  pitty  yady,  'tay  zere.  Now,  'ittle 
boy,  I  put  you  wif  your  mudder,  'tause  mud- 
ders  like  zere  'ittle  boys  wif  zem.  An'  you 
s'all  have  'ittle  sister  tudder  side  of  you, — 
zere.  Now,  'ittle  boy's  an'  'ittle  girl's  mud 
der,  don't  you  feel  happy? — isn't  I  awfoo 
good  to  give  you  your  'ittle  tsilderns?  You 
ought  to  say,  'Fank  you,  Toddie, — you's  a 
nice,  fweet  'ittle  djentleman.*" 

I  peered  cautiously — then  I  entered  the 
room  hastily.  I  didn't  say  anything  for  a 
moment,  for  it  was  impossible  to  do  justice, 


172  HELEN'S    BABIES 

impromptu,  to  the  subject.  Toddie  had  a 
progressive  mind — if  pictorial  ornamenta 
tion  was  good  for  old  books,  why  should  not 
similar  ornamentation  be  extended  to  ob 
jects  more  likely  to  be  seen?  Such  may  not 
have  been  Toddie 's  line  of  thought,  but  his 
recent  operations  warranted  such  a  supposi 
tion.  He  had  cut  out  a  number  of  pictures, 
and  pasted  them  upon  the  wall  of  my  room — 
my  sister's  darling  room,  with  its  walls  tinted 
exquisitely  in  pink.  As  a  member  of  a  hang 
ing  committee,  Toddie  would  hardly  have 
satisfied  taller  people,  but  he  had  arranged 
the  pictures  quite  regularly,  at  about  the 
height  of  his  own  eyes,  had  favored  no  one 
artist  more  than  another,  and  had  hung  in 
discriminately  figure  pieces,  landscapes,  and 
genre  pictures.  The  temporary  break  of 
wall-line  occasioned  by  the  door  communi* 
eating  with  his  own  room  he  had  overcome 
by  closing  the  door  and  carrying  a  line  of  pic 
tures  across  its  lower  panels.  Occasionally  a 
picture  fell  off  the  wall,  but  the  mucilage 
remained  faithful,  and  glistened  with  its  fer- 


HELEN'S    BABIES  173 

vor  of  devotion.  And  yet  so  untouched  was 
I  by  this  artistic  display,  that  when  I  found 
strength  to  shout,  "  Toddie,"  it  was  in  a  tone 
which  caused  this  industrious  amateur  deco 
rator  to  start  violently,  and  drop  his  mucilage 
bottle,  open  end  first,  upon  the  carpet. 

"  What  will  mamma  say  ? "  I  asked. 

Toddie  gazed,  first  blankly,  and  then  in 
quiringly,  into  my  face ;  finding  no  answer  or 
sympathy  there  he  burst  into  tears,  and  re 
plied  :— 

"Idunno." 

The  ringing  of  the  lunch  bell  changed  Tod 
die  from  a  tearful  cherub  into  a  very  prac 
tical,  business-like  boy,  and  shouting,  "  Come 
on,  Budge!"  he  hurried  downstairs,  while  I 
tormented  myself  with  wonder  as  to  how  I 
could  best  and  most  quickly  undo  the  mis 
chief  Toddie  had  done. 

I  will  concede  to  my  nephews  the  credit  of 
keeping  reasonably  quiet  during  meals ;  their 
tongues,  doubtless,  longed  to  be  active  in 
both  the  principal  capacities  of  those  useful 
members,  but  they  had  no  doubt  as  to  how  to 


174  HELEN'S    BABIES 

choose  between  silence  and  hunger.  The  re^ 
suit  was  a  reasonably  comfortable  half-hour. 
Just  as  I  began  to  cut  a  melon,  Budge  broke 
the  silence  by  exclaiming : — 

"  O  Uncle  Harry,  we  haven't  been  out  to 
see  the  goat  to-day ! ' ' 

"Budge,"  I  replied,  "111  carry  you  out 
there  under  an  umbrella  after  lunch,  and  you 
may  play  with  that  goat  all  the  afternoon,  if 
you  like." 

"Oh,  won't  that  be  nice?"  exclaimed 
Budge.  " The  poor  goat!  he'll  think  I  don't 
love  him  a  bit,  'cause  I  haven't  been  to  see 
him  to-day.  Does  goats  go  to  heaven  when 
they  die,  Uncle  Harry?" 

"Guess  not — they'd  make  trouble  in  the 
golden  streets  I'm  afraid." 

"Oh,  dear!  then  Phillie  can't  see  my  goat. 
I'm  so  awful  sorry,"  said  Budge. 

"/  can  see  your  goat,  Budgie,"  suggested 
Toddie. 

"Huh!"  said  Budge,  very  contemptu 
ously.  "  You  ain't  dead." 

"  Well,  Izhe  goin'  to  be  dead  some  day,  an' 


HELEN'S   BABIES  175 

zen  your  nashty  old  goat  sha'n't  see  me  a  bit 
—see  how  he  like  zat"     And  Toddie  made  a 
ferocious  attack  on  a  slice  of  melon  nearly  as 
large  as  himself. 

After  lunch,  Toddie  was  sent  to  his  room  to 
take  his  afternoon  nap,  and  Budge  went  to 
the  barn  on  my  shoulders.  I  gave  Mike  a 
dollar,  with  instructions  to  keep  Budge  in 
sight,  to  keep  him  from  teasing  the  goat,  and 
to  prevent  his  being  impaled  or  butted.  Then 
I  stretched  myself  on  a  lounge  and  wondered 
whether  only  half  a  day  of  daylight  had 
elapsed  since  I  and  the  most  adorable  woman 
in  the  world  had  been  so  happy  together. 
How  much  happier  I  would  be  when  next  I 
met  her!  The  very  torments  of  this  rainy 
day  would  make  my  joy  seem  all  the  dearer 
and  more  intense.  I  dreamed  happily  for  a 
few  moments  with  my  eyes  open,  and  then 
somehow  they  closed,  without  my  knowledge. 
What  put  into  my  mind  the  wreck  scene  from 
the  play  of  "  David  Copperfield,"  I  don't 
know;  but  there  it  came,  and  in  my  dream 
I  was  sitting  in  the  balcony  at  Booth's,  and 


1 76  HELEN'S    BABIES 

taking  a  proper  interest  in  the  scene,  when  it 
occurred  to  me  that  the  thunder  had  less  of 
reverberation  and  more  woodenness  than 
good  stage  thunder  should  have.  The  men 
tal  exertion  I  underwent  on  this  subject 
disturbed  the  course  of  my  nap,  but  as  wake- 
fulness  returned,  the  sound  of  the  poorly 
simulated  thunder  did  not  cease;  on  the 
contrary,  it  was  just  as  noisy,  and  more 
hopelessly  a  counterfeit  than  ever.  What 
could  the  sound  be?  I  stepped  through  the 
window  to  the  piazza,  and  the  sound  was 
directly  over  my  head.  I  sprang  down  the 
terrace  and  out  upon  the  lawn,  looked  up, 
and  beheld  my  youngest  nephew  strutting 
back  and  forth  on  the  tin  roof  of  the  piazza, 
holding  over  his  head  a  ragged  old  parasol. 
I  roared: — "Go  in,  Toddie — this  instant!" 

The  sound  of  my  voice  startled  the  young 
man  so  severely  that  he  lost  his  footing,  fell, 
and  began  to  roll  toward  the  edge  and  to 
scream,  both  operations  being  performed 
with  great  rapidity.  I  ran  to  catch  him  as 
he  fell,  but  the  outer  edge  of  the  water  trough 


HELEN'S    BABIES 


177 


was  high  enough  to  arrest  his  progress, 
though  it  had  no  effect  in  reducing  the  vol 
ume  of  his  howls. 

"Toddie,"  I  shouted,   "lie  perfectly  still 
until  uncle  can 
get  to  you!     Do 
you  hear  ? ' ' 

1  'Ess,  but  don't 
want  to  lie  'till," 
came  in  reply 
from  the  roof. 
"  Tan't  shee  nof- 
fin'  but  sky  an' 
wain." 

"Lie  still,  "  I 
reiterated/ 'or  1 11 
whip  you  dread 
fully."  Then  I 
dashed  upstairs, 
removed  m  y 

HOLDING  OVER  HIS  HEAD  A  RAGGED 

Shoes,     Climbed  PARASOL 

out  and  rescued  Toddie,  shook  him  soundly, 

and  then  shook  myself. 
+ 

"I  wash  only  djust  pyayin  mamma,  an' 


178  HELEN'S    BABIES 

walkin'  in  ze  wain  wif  an  umbayalla,"  Toddie 
explained. 

I  threw  him  upon  his  bed  and  departed. 
Itwas  plain  that  neither  logic,  threats,  nor  the 
presence  of  danger  could  keep  this  dreadful 
child  from  doing  whatever  he  chose;  what 
other  means  of  restraint  could  be  employed  ? 
Although  not  as  religious  a  man  as  my  good 
mother  could  wish,  I  really  wondered  whether 
prayer,  as  a  last  resort,  might  not  be  effective. 
For  his  good  and  my  own  peace,  I  would 
cheerfully  have  read  through  the  whole 
prayer-book.  I  could  hardly  have  done  it 
just  then,  though,  for  Mike  solicited  an 
audience  at  the  back  door,  and  reported  that 
Budge  had  given  the  carriage  sponge  to  the 
goat,  put  handfuls  of  oats  into  the  pump 
cylinder,  pulled  hairs  out  of  the  black  mare's 
tail,  and  with  a  sharp  nail  drawn  pictures  on 
the  enamel  of  the  carriage-body.  Budge 
made  no  denial,  but  looked  very  much  ag 
grieved,  and  remarked  that  he  couldn't  never 
be  happy  without  somebody  having  to  go 
get  bothered;  and  he  wished  there  wasn't 


HELEN'S    BABIES  179 

nobody  in  the  world  but  organ-grinders  and 
candy-store  men.  He  followed  me  into  the 
house,  flung  himself  into  a  chair,  put  on  a 
look  which  I  imagine  Byron  wore  before  he 
was  old  enough  to  be  malicious,  and  ex 
claimed  : — 

"  I  don't  see  what  little  boys  was  made  for, 
anyhow;  if  ev'rybody  gets  cross  with  them, 
an'  don't  let  'em  do  what  they  want  to.  I'll 
bet  when  I  get  to  heaven,  the  Lord  won't  be 
as  ugly  to  me  as  Mike  is, — an'  some  other 
folks,  too.  I  wish  I  could  die  and  be  buried 
right  away, — me  an'  the  goat — an'  go  to 
heaven,  where  we  wouldn't  be  scolded." 

Poor  little  fellow!  First  I  laughed  in 
wardly  at  his  idea  of  heaven,  and  then  I 
wondered  whether  my  own  was  very  different 
from  it,  or  any  more  creditable.  I  had  no 
time  to  spend,  however,  even  in  pious  reflec 
tion.  Budge  was  quite  wet,  his  shoes  were 
soaking,  and  he  already  had  an  attack  of 
catarrh;  so  I  took  him  to  his  room  and  re 
dressed  him,  wondering  all  the  while  how 
much  similar  duties  my  own  father  had  had 


i8o  HELEN'S    BABIES 

to  do  for  me  had  shortened  his  life,  and  how 
with  such  a  son  as  I  was,  he  lived  as  long  as 
he  did.  The  idea  that  I  was  in  some  slight 
degree  atoning  for  my  early  sins,  so  filled  my 
thoughts  that  I  did  not  at  first  notice  the 
absence  of  Toddie.  When  it  did  become 
evident  to  me  that  my  youngest  nephew  was 
not  in  the  bed  in  which  I  had  placed  him,  I 
went  in  search  of  him.  He  was  in  none  of 
the  chambers,  but  hearing  gentle  murmurs 
issue  from  a  long,  light  closet,  I  looked  in  and 
saw  Toddie  sitting  on  the  floor,  and  eating 
the  cheese  out  of  a  mouse-trap.  A  squeak 
of  my  boots  betrayed  me,  and  Toddie,  equal 
to  the  emergency,  sprang  to  his  feet  and 
exclaimed : — 

"I  didn't  hurt  de  'ittle  mousie  one  bittie; 
I  just  letted  him  out,  and  he  runded  away." 

And  still  it  rained.  Oh,  for  a  single  hour 
of  sunlight,  so  that  the  mud  might  be  only 
damp  dirt,  and  the  children  could  play  with 
out  tormenting  other  people !  But  it  was  not 
to  be ;  slowly,  and  by  the  aid  of  songs,  stories, 
an  improvised  menagerie,  in  which  I  person- 


HELEN'S    BABIES  181 

ated  every  animal,  besides  playing  ostrich 
and  armadillo,  and  with  a  great  many  dis 
agreements,  the  afternoon  wore  to  its  close, 
and  my  heart  slowly  lightened.  Only  an 
hour  or  two  more,  and  the  children  would  be 
in  bed  for  the  night,  and  then  I  would  enjoy, 
in  unutterable  measure,  the  peaceful  hours 
which  would  be  mine.  Even  now  they  were 


"i  DIDN'T  HURT  DE  'ITTLE  MOUSIE" 


inclined  to  behave  themselves;  they  were 
tired  and  hungry,  and  stretched  themselves 
on  the  floor  to  await  dinner.  I  embraced  the 
opportunity  to  return  to  my  book,  but  I  had 
hardly  read  a  page,  when  a  combined  crash 
and  scream  summoned  me  to  the  dining- 
room.  On  the  floor  lay  Toddie,  a  great  many 
dishes,  a  roast  leg  of  lamb,  several  ears  of 


i82  HELEN'S    BABIES 

green  corn,  the  butter-dish  and  its  contents, 
and  several  other  misplaced  edibles.  One 
thing  was  quite  evident;  the  scalding  con 
tents  of  the  gravy-dish  had  been  emptied  on 
Toddie's  arm,  and  how  severely  the  poor 
child  might  be  scalded  I  did  not  know.  I 
hastily  split  open  his  sleeve  from  wrist  to 
shoulder,  and  found  the  skin  very  red;  so, 
remembering  my  mother's  favorite  treatment 
for  scalds  and  burns,  I  quickly  spread  the 
contents  of  a  dish  of  mashed  potato  on  a 
clean  handkerchief,  and  wound  the  whole 
around  Toddie's  arm  as  a  poultice.  Then  I 
demanded  an  explanation. 

"  I  was  only  djust  reatchin'  for  a  pieshe  of 
bwed,"  sobbed  Toddie,  "  an'  then  the  bad  old 
tabo  beginded  to  froe  all  its  fings  at  me,  an' 
tumble  down  bang." 

He  undoubtedly  told  the  truth  as  far  as  he 
knew  it ;  but  reaching  over  tables  is  a  bad  habit 
in  small  boys,  especially  when  their  mothers 
cling  to  old-fashioned  heirlooms  of  tables, 
which  have  folding  leaves;  so  I  banished 
Toddie  to  his  room,  supperless,  to  think  of 


HELEN'S    BABIES  183 

what  he  had  done.  With  Budge  alone,  I  had 
a  comfortable  dinner  off  the  salvage  from  the 
wreck  caused  by  Toddie,  and  then  I  went 
upstairs  to  see  if  the  offender  had  repented. 
It  was  hard  to  tell,  by  sight,  whether  he  had 
or  not,  for  his  back  was  to  me,  as  he  flattened 
his  nose  against  the  window,  but  I  could  see 
that  my  poultice  was  gone. 

"  Where  is  what  uncle  put  on  your  arm, 
Toddie?"  I  asked. 

"  I  ate  it  up,"  said  the  truthful  youth. 

"  Did  you  eat  the  handkerchief,  too?" 

"  No;  I  froed  nashty  old  handkerchief  out 
the  window — don't  want  dirty  old  handker 
chiefs  in  my  nice  'ittle  room." 

I  was  so  glad  that  his  burn  had  been  slight 
that  I  forgave  the  insult  to  my  handkerchief, 
and  called  up  Budge,  so  that  I  might  at  once 
get  both  boys  into  bed,  and  emerge  from 
the  bondage  in  which  I  had  lived  all  day 
long.  But  the  task  was  no  easy  one.  Of 
course  my  brother-in-law,  Tom  Lawrence, 
knows  better  than  any  other  man  the  neces 
sities  of  his  own  children,  but  no  children  of 


i84  HELEN'S    BABIES 

mine  shall  ever  be  taught  so  many  methods 
of  imposing  upon  parental  good-nature. 
Their  program  called  for  stories,  songs, 
moral  conversations,  frolics,  the  presentation 
of  pennies,  the  dropping  of  the  same,  at  long 
intervals,  into  tin  savings-banks,  followed  by 
a  deafening  shaking-up  of  both  banks ;  then 
a  prayer  must  be  offered,  and  no  conven 
tional  one  would  be  tolerated ;  then  the  boys 
performed  their  own  devotions,  after  which  I 
was  allowed  to  depart  with  an  interchange  of 
"God  bless  yous."  As  this  evening  I  left 
the  room  with  their  innocent  benedictions 
sounding  in  my  ears,  a  sense  of  personal 
weakness,  induced  by  the  events  of  the  day, 
moved  me  to  fervently  respond  "Amen!" 

Mothers  of  American  boys,  accept  from  me 
a  tribute  of  respect,  which  no  words  can  fitly 
express — of  wonder  greater  than  any  of  the 
great  things  of  the  world  ever  inspired — of 
adoration  as  earnest  and  devout  as  the  Cath 
olic  pays  to  the  Virgin.  In  a  single  day,  I,  a 
strong  man,  with  nothing  else  to  occupy  my 
mind,  am  reduced  to  physical  and  mental 


HELEN'S    BABIES 


185 


svorthlessness  by  the  necessities  of  two  boys 
not  overmischievous  or  bad.  And  you — 
Heaven  only  knows 
h  o  w — have  unbroken 
weeks,  months,  years, 
yes,  lifetimes  of  just 
such  experiences,  and 
with  them  the  burden 
of  household  cares, 
of  physical  ills  and 
depressions,  of  men 
tal  anxieties  that 
pierce  thy  hearts 
with  as  many 
sorrows  as 
grieved  the 
Holy  Mother 
of  old.  Com 
pared  with  thy  endurance,  that  of  the  young 
man,  the  athlete,  is  as  weakness ;  the  secret  of 
thy  nerves,  wonderful  even  in  their  weakness, 
is  as  great  as  that  of  the  power  of  the  winds. 
To  display  decision, thy  opportunities  are  more 
frequent  than  those  of  the  greatest  states- 


A    TRIBUTE    TO    MOTHERS 


i86  HELEN'S    BABIES 

men;  thy  heroism  laughs  into  insignificance 
that  of  fort  and  field;  thou  art  trained  in  a 
school  of  diplomacy  such  as  the  most  experi 
enced  court  cannot  furnish.  Do  scoffers  say 
thou  canst  not  hold  the  reins  of  government  ? 
Easier  is  it  to  rule  a  band  of  savages  than  to 
be  the  successful  autocrat  of  thy  little  king 
dom.  Compared  with  the  ways  of  men,  even 
thy  failures  are  full  of  glory.  Be  thy  faults 
what  they  may,  thy  one  great,  mysterious, 
unapproachable  success  places  thee,  in  desert, 
far  above  warrior,  ruler  or  priest. 

The  foregoing  soliloquy  passed  through  my 
mind  as  I  lay  upon  the  bed  where  I  had 
thrown  myself  after  leaving  the  children's 
room.  Whatever  else  attempted  to  affect  me 
mentally,  found  my  mind  a  blank  until  the 
next  morning,  when  I  awoke  to  realize  that  I 
had  dropped  asleep  just  where  I  fell,  and  that 
I  had  spent  nearly  twelve  hours  lying  across 
a  bed  in  an  uncomfortable  position,  and 
without  removing  my  daily  attire.  My  next 
impression  was  that  quite  a  bulky  letter  had 
been  pushed  under  my  chamber-door.  Could 


HELEN'S    BABIES  187 

it  be  that  my  darling — I  hastily  seized  the 
envelope  and  found  it  addressed  in  my  sis 
ter's  writing,  and  promising  a  more  volumi 
nous  letter  than  that  lady  had  ever  before 
honored  me  with.  I  opened  it,  dropping  an 
enclosure  which,  doubtless,  was  a  list  of 
necessities  which  I  would  please  pack,  etc., 
and  read  as  follows : — 

JULY  i,  1875. 

"Mv  DEAR  OLD  BROTHER: — Wouldn't  I  like  to  give 
you  the  warmest  of  sisterly  hugs?  I  can't  believe  it, 
and  yet  I  am  in  ecstasies  over  it.  To  think  that  you 
should  have  got  that  perfection  of  a  girl,  who  has  de 
clined  so  many  great  catches — you,  my  sober,  business 
like,  unromantic  big  brother — oh,  it's  too  wonderful! 
But  now  I  think  of  it,  you  are  just  the  people  for  each 
other.  I'd  like  to  say  that  it's  just  what  I'd  always 
longed  for,  and  I  invited  you  to  Hillcrest  to  bring  it 
about;  but  the  trouble  with  such  a  story  would  be 
that  it  wouldn't  have  a  word  of  truth  in  it.  You  al 
ways  did  have  a  faculty  for  doing  just  what  you 
pleased,  and  what  nobody  ever  expected  you  to  do, 
but  now  you've  exceeded  yourself. 

"And  to  think  that  my  little  darlings  played  an  im 
portant  part  in  bringing  it  all  about!  I  shall  take  the 
credit  of  that,  for  if  it  hadn't  been  for  me  who  would 
have  helped  you,  sir?  I  shall  expect  you  to  remember 
both  of  them  handsomely  at  Christmas. 

41 1  don't  believe  I  am  guilty  of  breach  of  confidence 
in  sending  the  enclosed,  which  I  have  just  received 
from  my  sister-in-law  that  is  to  be.  It  will  tell  you 


i88  HELEN'S    BABIES 

some  causes  of  your  success  of  which  you,  with  a  man's 
conceit,  haven't  imagined  for  a  minute,  and  it  will  tell 
you,  too,  of  a  maiden's  first  and  natural  fear  under 
such  circumstances — a  fear  which  I  know  you,  with 
your  honest,  generous  heart,  will  hasten  to  dispel. 
As  you're  a  man,  you're  quite  likely  to  be  too  stupid 
to  read  what's  written  between  the  lines;  so  I'd  bettei 
tell  you  that  Alice's  fear  is  that  in  letting  herself  go  so 
easily,  she  may  have  seemed  to  lack  proper  reserve 
and  self-respect.  You  don't  need  to  be  told  that  no 
woman  alive  has  more  of  these  very  qualities. 

"  Bless  your  dear  old  heart,  Harry, — you  deserve  to 
be  shaken  to  death  if  you're  not  the  happiest  man 
alive.  I  must  hurry  home  and  see  you  both  with  my 
own  eyes,  and  learn  to  believe  that  all  this  wonderful, 
glorious  thing  has  come  to  pass.  Give  Alice  a  sister's 
kiss  for  me  (if  you  know  how  to  give  more  than  one 
kind),  and  give  my  cherubs  a  hundred  each  from  the 
mother  that  wants  to  see  them  so  much. 

"With  love  and  congratulations, 

"HELEN." 

The  other  letter,  which  I  opened  with  con 
siderable  reverence  and  more  delight,  ran  as 
follows : 

"HILLCREST,  June  29,  1875. 

"DEAR  FRIEND  HELEN: — Something  has  happened 
and  I  am  very  happy,  but  I  am  more  than  a  little 
troubled  over  it,  too,  and,  as  you  are  one  of  the  persons 
nearly  concerned,  I  am  going  to  confess  to  you  as  soon 
as  possible.  Harry — your  brother,  I  mean — will  be 
sure  to  tell  you  very  soon,  if  he  hasn't  done  so  already, 
and  I  want  to  make  all  possible  haste  to  solemnly 
assure  you  that  I  hadn't  the  slightest  idea  of  such  a 


HELEN'S    BABIES  189 

thing  coming  to  pass,  and  I  didn't  do  the  slightest 
thing  to  bring  it  about. 

"I  always  thought  your  brother  was  a  splendid 
fellow,  and  have  never  been  afraid  to  express  my  mind 
about  him,  when  there  was  no  one  but  girls  to  listen. 
But  out  here,  I  have  somehow  learned  to  admire  him 
more  than  ever.  I  cheerfully  acquit  him  of  intention 
ally  doing  anything  to  create  a  favorable  impression; 
if  his  several  appearances  before  me  have  been  studied, 
he  is  certainly  the  most  original  being  I  ever  heard  of- 
Your  children  are  angels — you've  told  me  so  yourself, 
and  I've  my  own  very  distinct  impression  on  the  sub 
ject,  but  they  don't  study  to  save  their  uncle's  appear 
ance.  The  figures  that  unfortunate  man  has  cut 
several  times — well,  I  won't  try  to  describe  them  on 
paper,  for  fear  he  might  some  day  see  a  scrap  of  it  and 
take  offense.  But  he  always  seems  to  be  patient  with 
them,  and  devoted  to  them,  and  I  haven't  been  able 
to  keep  from  seeing  that  a  man  who  could  be  so  lov 
able  with  thoughtless  and  unreasonable  children  must 
be  perfectly  adorable  to  the  woman  he  loved,  if  she 
were  a  woman  at  all.  Still,  I  hadn't  the  faintest  idea 
that  I  would  be  the  fortunate  woman.  At  last  the 
day  came,  but  I  was  in  blissful  ignorance  of  what  was 
to  happen.  Your  little  Charley  hurt  himself,  and  in 
sisted  upon  Har — your  brother  singing  an  odd  song 
to  him ;  and  just  when  the  young  gentleman  was  doing 
the  elegant  to  a  dozen  of  us  ladies  at  once,  too!  If  you 
could  have  seen  his  face! — it  was  too  funny,  until  he 
got  over  his  annoyance,  and  began  to  feel  properly 
sorry  for  the  little  fellow — then  he  seemed  all  at  once 
to  be  all  tenderness  and  heart,  and  I  did  wish  for  a 
moment  that  conventionalities  didn't  exist,  and  I 
might  tell  him  that  he  was  a  model.  Then  your  young- 


190  HELEN'S    BABIES 

est  playfully  spilt  a  plate  of  soup  on  my  dress  (don't 
be  worried — 'twas  only  a  common  muslin,  and  'twill 
wash).  Of  course  I  had  to  change  it  and,  as  I  retired, 
the  happy  thought  struck  me  that  I'd  make  so  elabo 
rate  a  toilet  that  I  wouldn't  finish  in  time  to  join  the 
other  ladies  for  the  usual  evening  walk;  consequence, 
I  would  have  a  chance  to  monopolize  a  gentleman  for 
half  an  hour  or  more — a  chance  which,  no  thanks  to 
the  gentlemen  who  don't  come  to  Hillcrest,  no  lady 
here  has  had  this  season.  Every  time  I  peered 
through  the  blinds  to  see  if  the  other  girls  had  started, 
I  could  see  him  looking  so  distressed,  and  brooding 
over  those  two  children  as  if  he  were  their  mother, 
and  he  seemed  so  good.  He  seemed  pleased  to  see 
me  when  I  appeared,  and  coming  from  such  a  man  the 
implied  compliment  was  fully  appreciated ;  everything 
he  said  to  me  seemed  a  little  more  worth  hearing  than 
if  it  had  come  from  any  man  not  so  good.  Then, 
suddenly,  your  eldest  insisted  on  retailing  the  result 
of  a  conversation  he  had  had  with  his  uncle,  and  the 
upshot  was  that  Harry  declared  himself;  he  wasn't 
romantic  a  bit,  but  he  was  real  straightforward  and 
manly,  while  I  was  so  completely  taken  back  that  I 
couldn't  think  of  a  thing  to  say.  Then  the  impudent 
fellow  kissed  me,  and  I  lost  my  tongue  worse  than 
ever.  If  I  had  known  anything  of  his  feelings  before 
hand,  I  should  have  been  prepared  to  behave  more 
properly;  but — O  Helen,  I'm  so  glad  I  didn't  know! 
I  should  be  the  happiest  being  that  ever  lived,  if  I 
wasn't  afraid  that  you  or  your  husband  might  think 
that  I  had  given  myself  away  too  hastily.  As  to  other 
people,  we  will  see  that  they  don't  know  a  word  about 
it  for  months  to  come. 

11  Do  write  that  I  was  not  to  blame,  and  make  be- 


HELEN'S    BABIES 


191 


lieve  accept  me  as  a  sister,  because  I  can't  offer  to  give 
Harry  up  to  any  one  else  you  may  have  picked  out 

for  him. 

"Your  sincere  friend, 
"ALICE  MAYTON." 

Was  there  ever  so  delightful  a  reveille? 
All  the  boyishness  in 
me  seemed  suddenly 
to  come  to  the  surface, 
and  instead  of  saying 
and  doing  the  deco 
rous  thing  which  nov- 


i  SHOUTED  "HURRAH". 

elists'  heroes  do  under  similar  circumstances. 
I  shouted  " Hurrah!"    and  danced  into  the 


i92  HELEN'S    BABIES 

children's  room  so  violently  that  Budge  sat 
up  in  bed  and  regarded  me  with  reproving 
eyes,  while  Toddie  burst  into  a  happy  laugh, 
and  volunteered  as  a  partner  in  the  dance. 
Then  I  realized  that  the  rain  was  over,  and 
the  sun  was  shining — I  could  take  Alice  out 
for  another  drive,  and  until  then  the  children 
could  take  care  of  themselves.  I  remem 
bered  suddenly,  and  with  a  sharp  pang,  that 
my  vacation  was  nearly  at  an  end,  and  I 
found  myself  consuming  with  impatience  to 
know  how  much  longer  Alice  would  remain 
at  Hillcrest.  It  would  be  cruel  to  wish 
her  in  the  city  before  the  end  of  August, 
yetl- 

" Uncle  Harry,"  said  Budge,  ''my  papa 
says  't isn't  nice  for  folks  to  sit  down  an'  go 
to  thinkin'  before  they've  brushed  their  hair 
mornin's — that's  what  he  tells  me." 

"I  beg  your  pardon,  Budge,"  said  I, 
springing  up  in  some  confusion;  "I  was 
thinking  over  a  matter  of  a  great  deal  of  im 
portance." 

"  What  was  it — my  goat  ? ' ' 


HELEN'S    BABIES  193 

"No — of  course  not.  Don't  be  silly, 
Budge." 

"  Well,  I  think  about  him  a  good  deal,  an' 
I  don't  think  it's  silly  a  bit.  I  hope  he'll  go 
to  heaven  when  he  dies.  Do  angels  have 
goat-carriages,  Uncle  Harry?" 

"  No,  old  fellow — they  can  go  about  with 
out  carriages." 

"When  I  goesh  to  hebben,"  said  Toddie, 
rising  in  bed,  "  Izhe  goin'  to  have  lots  of  goat 
cawidjes  an'  Izhe  goin'  to  tate  all  ze  andjels 
a-widen." 

With  many  other  bits  of  prophesy  and 
celestial  description  I  was  regaled  as  I  com 
pleted  my  toilet,  and  I  hurried  out  of  doors 
for  an  opportunity  to  think  without  disturb 
ance.  Strolling  past  the  hen-yard,  I  saw  a 
meditative  turtle,  and,  picking  him  up  and 
shouting  to  my  nephews,  I  held  the  reptile 
up  for  their  inspection.  Their  window  blinds 
flew  open  and  a  unanimous  though  not  ex 
actly  harmonious  " Oh!"  greeted  my  prize." 

"Where  did  you  get  it,  Uncle  Harry?" 
asked  Budge. 


i94  HELEN'S    BABIES 

"Down  by  the  hen-coop. " 

Budge's  eyes  opened  wide;  he  seemed  to 
devote  a  moment  to  profound  thought,  and 
then  he  exclaimed  :— 

"Why,  I  don't  see  how  the  hens  could  lay 
such  a  big  thing — just  put  him  in  your  hat 
till  I  come  down,  will  you?" 

I  dropped  the  turtle  into  Budge's  wheel 
barrow,  and  made  a  tour  of  the  flower-bor 
ders.  The  flowers,  always  full  of  suggestion 
to  me,  seemed  suddenly  to  have  new  charms 
and  powers ;  they  actually  impelled  me  to  try 
to  make  rhymes, — me,  a  steady  white-goods 
salesman !  The  impulse  was  too  strong  to  be 
resisted,  though  I  must  admit  that  the  results 
were  pitifully  meager: — 

"As  radiant  as  that  matchless  rose 

Which  poet-artists  fancy; 
As  fair  as  whitest  lily-blows; 

As  modest  as  the  pansy ; 
As  pure  as  dew  which  hides  within 

Aurora's  sun-kissed  chalice; 
As  tender  as  the  primrose  sweet — 

All  this,  and  more,  is  Alice." 

In  inflicting  this  fragment  upon  the  reader, 
I  have  not  the  faintest  idea  that  he  can 


HELEN'S    BABIES  195 

cover  any  merit  in  it;  I  quote  it  only  that  a 
subsequent  experience  of  mine  may  be  more 
intelligible.  When  I  had  composed  these 
wretched  lines  I  became  conscious  that  I 
had  neither  pencil  nor  paper  wherewith  to 
preserve  them.  Should  I  lose  them — my 
first  self -constructed  poem?  Never!  This 
was  not  the  first  time  in  which  I  had 
found  it  necessary  to  preserve  words  by 
memory  alone.  So  I  repeated  my  ridiculous 
lines  over  and  over  again,  until  the  eloquent 
feeling  of  which  they  were  the  graceless  ex 
pression  inspired  me  to  accompany  my  recital 
with  gestures.  Six — eight — ten — a  dozen — • 
twenty  times  I  repeated  these  lines,  each 
time  with  additional  emotion  and  gesture, 
when  a  thin  voice,  very  near  me,  re 
marked  : — 

"  Ocken  Hawwy,  you  does  djust  as  if  you 


was  swimmin'. 


Turning,  I  beheld  my  nephew,  Toddie — 
how  long  he  had  been  behind  me  I  had  no 
idea.  He  looked  earnestly  into  my  eyes,  and 
then  remarked : — 


196  HELEN'S    BABIES 

"  Ocken  Hawwy,  your  faysh  is  wed,  djust 
like  a  wosy-posy." 

"  Let's  go  right  in  to  breakfast,  Toddie," 
said  I  aloud,  as  I  grumbled  to  myself  about 
the  faculty  of  observation  which  Tom's  chil 
dren  seemed  to  have. 

Immediately  after  breakfast  I  despatched 
Mike  with  a  note  to  Alice,  informing  her  that 
I  would  be  glad  to  drive  her  to  the  Falls  in 
the  afternoon,  calling  for  her  at  two.  Then 
I  placed  myself  unreservedly  at  the  disposal 
of  the  boys  for  the  morning,  it  being  dis 
tinctly  understood  that  they  must  not  expect 
to  see  me  between  lunch  and  dinner.  I  was 
first  instructed  to  harness  the  goat,  which 
order  I  obeyed,  and  I  afterward  watched  that 
grave  animal  as  he  drew  my  nephews  up  and 
down  the  carriage-road,  his  countenance  as 
demure  as  if  he  had  no  idea  of  suddenly  de 
parting  when  my  back  should  be  turned. 
The  wheels  of  the  goat-carriage  uttered  the 
most  heart-rending  noises  I  had  ever  heard 
from  ungreased  axle ;  so  I  persuaded  the  boys 
to  dismount,  and  submit  to  the  temporary 


HELEN'S    BABIES  197 

unharnessing  of  the  goat,  while  I  should 
lubricate  the  axles.  Half  an  hour  of  dirty 
work  sufficed,  with  such  assistance  as  I 
gained  from  juvenile  advice,  to  accomplish 
the  task  properly;  then  I  put  the  horned 
steed  into  the  shafts,  Budge  cracked  the 
whip,  the  carriage  moved  off  without  noise, 
and  Toddie  began  to  weep  bitterly. 

"  Cawwidge  is  all  bwoke,"  said  he;  "  wheelsh 
don't  sing  a  bittie  no  more/'  while  Budge  re 
marked  : — 

"  I  think  the  carriage  sounds  kind  o'  lone 
some  now,  don't  you,  Uncle  Harry?" 

"  Uncle  Harry,"  asked  Budge,  a  little  later 
in  the  morning,  "do  you  know  what  makes 
the  thunder  ?" 

"Yes,  Budge — when  two  clouds  go  bump 
into  each  other  they  make  a  good  deal  of  noise, 
and  they  call  it  thunder." 

" That  ain't  it  at  all,"  said  Budge  "  When 
it  thundered  yesterday  it  was  because  the 
Lord  was  riding  along  through  the  sky  an'  the 
wheels  of  his  carriage  made  an  awful  noise, 
an'  that  was  the  thunder." 


198  HELEN'S    BABIES 

"  Don't  like  nashty  old  funder,"  remarked 
Toddie.  "  It  goesh  into  our  cellar  an1 
makesh  all  ze  milk  sour — Maggie  said  so. 
An'  so  I  can't  hazh  no  nice  white  tea  for  my 
'brepspup." 

"  I  should  think  you'd  like  the  Lord  to  go 
a-ridin',  Toddie,  with  all  the  angels  running 
after  Him,"  said  Budge,  "  even  if  the  thunder 
does  make  the  milk  sour.  And  it's  so  splen 
did  to  see  the  thunder  bang." 

" How  do  you  see  it,  Budge?"  I  asked. 

"Why,  don't  you  know  when  the  thunder 
bangs,  and  then  you  see  an  awful  bright  place 
in  the  sky? — that's  where  the  Lord's  carriage 
gives  an  awful  pound,  an'  makes  little  cracks 
through  the  floor  of  heaven,  an'  we  see  right 
in.  But  what's  the  reason  we  can't  ever  see 
anybody  through  the  cracks,  Uncle  Harry?" 

"  I  don't  know,  old  fellow — I  guess  it's  be 
cause  it  isn't  cracks  in  heaven  that  look  so 
bright, — it's  a  kind  of  fire  that  the  Lord 
makes  up  in  the  clouds.  You'll  know  all 
about  it  when  you  get  bigger." 

"Well,  I'll  feel  awful  sorry  if  'tain't  any- 


HELEN'S    BABIES 


199 


thing  but  fire.     Do  you  know  that  funny 
song  my  papa  sings  'bout  :— 

"'Roarin'  thunders,  lightenin's  blazes, 
Shout  the  great  Creator's  praises?' 

I  don't  know  'zactly  what  it  means,  but  I 
think  it's  kind  o'  splendid,  don't  you?" 

I  did  know  the  old  song ;   I  had  heard  it  in 
a    Western    camp-meeting,    when    scarcely 


"  TWO    CLOUDS    GO    BUMP    INTO    EACH    OTHER 


older  than  Budge,  and  it  left  upon  my  mind 
just  the  effect  it  seemed  to  have  done  on  his. 
I  blessed  his  sympathetic  young  heart,  and 
snatched  him  into  my  arms.  Instantly,  he 
became  all  boy  again. 

"  Uncle  Harry,"  he  shouted,  "  you  crawl  on 


200  HELEN'S    BABIES 

your  hands  and  knees  and  play  you  was  a 
horse,  and  I'll  ride  on  your  back." 

"No,  thank  you,  Budge,  not  on  the  dirt." 

"Then  let's  play  menagerie,  an'  you  be  all 
the  animals." 

To  this  proposition  I  assented,  and  after 
hiding  ourselves  in  one  of  the  retired  angles 
of  the  house,  so  that  no  one  could  know  who 
was  guilty  of  disturbing  the  peace  by  such 
dire  noises,  the  performance  commenced.  I 
was  by  turns  a  bear,  a  lion,  a  zebra,  an  ele 
phant,  dogs  of  various  kinds,  and  a  cat.  As 
I  personated  the  latter  named  animal,  Toddie 
echoed  my  voice. 

"Miauw!  Miauw!"  said  he,  "dat's  what 
cats  saysh  when  they  goesh  down  wells." 

"  Faith,  an'  it's  him  that  knows,"  remarked 
Mike,  who  had  invited  himself  to  a  free  seat 
in  the  menagerie,  and  assisted  in  the  applause 
which  had  greeted  each  personation.  "  Would 
ye  belave  it,  Misther  Harry,  dhat  young 
dhivil  got  out  the  front  door  one  mornin* 
afore  sunroise,  all  in  his  little  noight-gown, 
an'  wint  over  to  dhe  docthor's  an'  picked  up, 


HELEN'S    BABIES  201 

a  kitten  lyin'  on  dhe  kitchen  door-mat,  an' 
throwed  it  down  dhe  well.  Dhe  docthor 
wasn't  home,  but  dhe  missis  saw  him,  an'  her 
heart  was  dhat  tindher  dhat  she  hurried  out 
and  throwed  boords  down  for  dhe  poor  little 
baste  to  stand  on,  an'  let  down  a  hoe  on  a 
sthring,  an'  whin  she  got  dhe  poor  little  dhing 
out,  she  was  dhat  faint  dhat  she  dhrapped  on 
dhe  grass.  An'  it  cost  Mr.  Lawrence  nigh 
onto  thirty  dollars  to  have  the  docthor 's  well 
claned  out." 

"  Yes,"  said  Toddie,  who  had  listened  care 
fully  to  Mike's  recital,  "  An'  kitty-kitty  said, 
1  Miauw !  Miauw ! '  when  she  goed  down  ze 
well.  An'  Mish  Doctor  sed,  'Bad  boy — go 
home — don't  never  turn  to  my  housh  no 
more,' — dat's  what  she  said  to  me.  Now  be 
some  more  animals,  Ocken  Hawwy.  Can't 
you  be  a  whay-al  ? ' ' 

"  Whales  don't  make  a  noise,  Toddie;  they 
only  splash  about  in  the  water." 

"  Zen  grop  in  ze  cistern  an'  'plash,  can't 
you?" 


202  HELEN'S    BABIES 

Lunch-time,  and  after  it  the  time  for  Tod- 
die  to  take  his  nap.  Poor  Budge  was  bereft 
of  a  playmate,  for  the  doctor's  little  girl  was 
sick ;  so  he  quietly  followed  me  about  with  a 
wistful  face,  that  almost  persuaded  me  to 
take  him  with  me  on  my  drive — our  drive. 
Had  he  grumbled,  I  would  have  felt  less  un 
comfortable;  but  there's  nothing  so  touching 
and  overpowering  to  either  gods  or  men,  as 
the  spectacle  of  mute  resignation.  At  last, 
to  my  great  relief,  he  opened  his  mouth. 

"Uncle  Harry,"  said  he,  "do  you  s'pose 
folks  ever  get  lonesome  in  heaven?" 

"  I  guess  not,  Budge." 

"Do  little  boy  angels'  papas  an'  mammas 
go  off  visitin',  an'  stay  ever  so  long?" 

"  I  don't  exactly  know,  Budge,  but  if  they 
do,  the  little  boy  angels  have  plenty  of  other 
little  boy  angels  to  play  with,  so  they  can't 
very  well  be  lonesome." 

"  Well,  I  don't  b'leeve  they  could  make  me 
happy,  when  I  wanted  to  see  my  papa  an' 
mamma.  When  I  haven't  got  anybody  to 
play  with,  then  I  want  papa  an'  mamma  so 


HELEN'S    BABIES 


203 


bad — so  bad  as  if  I  would  die  if  I  didn't  see 
'em  right  away." 

I  was  shaving,  and  only  half-done,  but  I 
-hastily  wiped  off  my  face,  dropped  into  a 
rocking-chair,  took  the  forlorn  little  boy  into 
my  arms,  and  kissed  him,  caressed  him,  sym- 


"CAN'T  YOU  BE  A   WHAY-AL?'! 

pathized  with  him,  and  devoted  myself  en 
tirely  to  the  task  and  pleasure  of  comforting 
him.  His  sober  little  face  gradually  assumed 
a  happier  appearance ;  his  lips  parted  in  such 
lines  as  no  old  master  ever  put  upon  angel 
lips;  his  eyes,  from  being  dim  and  hopeless, 


204  HELEN'S    BABIES 

grew  warm  and  lustrous  and  melting.  At 
last  he  said:— 

" Uncle  Harry,  I'm  ever  so  happy  now. 
An'  can't  Mike  go  around  with  me  and  the 
goat,  all  the  time  you're  away  riding?  An' 
bring  us  home  some  candy,  an'  marbles — oh, 
yes — an'  a  new  dog." 

Anxious  as  I  was  to  hurry  off  to  meet  my 
engagement,  I  was  rather  disgusted  as  I  un 
seated  Budge  and  returned  to  my  razor.  So 
long  as  he  was  lonesome  and  I  was  his  only 
hope,  words  couldn't  express  his  devotion, 
but  the  moment  he  had,  through  my  efforts, 
regained  his  spirits,  his  only  use  for  me  was 
to  ask  further  favors.  Yet  in  trying  the  poor 
boy,  judicially,  the  evidence  was  more  dan 
gerous  to  humanity  in  general  than  to  Budge ; 
it  threw  a  great  deal  of  light  upon  my  own 
peculiar  theological  puzzles,  and  almost  con^ 
vinced  me  that  my  duty  was  to  preach  a  new 
gospel. 

As  I  drove  up  to  the  steps  of  Mrs.  Clark- 
son's  boarding-house,  it  seemed  to  me  a 
month  had  elapsed  since  last  I  was  there,  and 


HELEN'S    BABIES  205 

this  apparent  lapse  of  time  was  all  that  pre 
vented  my  ascribing  to  miraculous  agencies 
the  wonderful  and  delightful  change  that 
Alice's  countenance  had  undergone  in  two 
short  days.  Composure,  quickness  of  per 
ception,  the  ability  to  guard  one's  self,  are 
indications  of  character  which  are  particu 
larly  in  place  in  the  countenance  of  a  young 
lady  in  society,  but  when,  without  losing 
these,  the  face  takes  on  the  radiance  born  of 
love  and  trust,  the  effect  is  indescribably 
charming — especially  to  the  eyes  of  the  man 
who  causes  the  change.  Longer,  more  out- 
of-the-way  roads  between  Hillcrest  and  the 
Falls,  I  venture  to  say,  were  never  known 
than  I  drove  over  that  afternoon,  and  my 
happy  companion,  who  in  other  days  I  had 
imagined  might  one  day,  by  her  decision, 
alertness  and  force  exceed  the  exploits  of 
Lady  Baker,  or  Miss  Tinne,  never  once  asked 
if  I  was  sure  we  were  on  the  right  road.  Only 
a  single  cloud  came  over  her  brow,  and  of 
this  I  soon  learned  the  cause. 

"Harry,"  said  she,  pressing  closer  to  my 


2o6  HELEN'S    BABIES 

side,  and  taking  an  appealing  tone,  "do  you 
love  me  well  enough  to  endure  something 
unpleasant  for  my  sake  ? ' ' 

My  answer  was  not  verbally  expressed,  but 
its  purport  seemed  to  be  understood  and  ac 
cepted,  for  Alice  continued  :— 

"I  wouldn't  undo  a  bit  of  what's  hap 
pened — I'm  the  happiest,  proudest  woman  in 
the  world.  But  we  have  been  very  hasty,  for 
people  who  have  been  mere  acquaintances. 
And  mother  is  dreadfully  opposed  to  such 
affairs — she  is  of  the  old  style,  you  know." 

"  It  was  all  my  fault,"  said  I.  "  I'll  apolo 
gize  promptly  and  handsomely.  The  time 
and  agony  which  I  didn't  consume  in  laying 
siege  to  your  heart,  I'll  devote  to  the  task  of 
gaining  your  mother's  good  graces." 

The  look  I  received  in  reply  to  this  remark 
would  have  richly  repaid  me,  had  my  task 
been  to  conciliate  as  many  mothers-in-law  as 
Brigham  Young  possesses.  But  her  smile 
faded  as  she  said : — 

"You  don't  know  what  a  task  you  have 
before  you.  Mother  has  a  very  tender  heart, 


HELEN'S    BABIES  207 

but  it's  thoroughly  fenced  in  by  proprieties. 
In  her  day  and  set,  courtship  was  a  very  slow, 
stately  affair,  and  mother  believes  it  the 
proper  way  now;  so  do  I,  but  I  admit  pos 
sible  exceptions,  and  mother  does  not.  I  am 
afraid  she  won't  be  patient  if  she  knows  the 
whole  truth,  yet  I  can't  bear  to  keep  it  from 
her.  I'm  her  only  child,  you  know." 

"Don't  keep  it  from  her,"  said  I,  " unless 
for  some  reason  of  your  own.  Let  me  tell  the 
whole  story,  take  all  the  responsibility,  and 
accept  the  penalties,  if  there  are  any.  Your 
mother  is  right  in  principle,  if  there  is  a  cer 
tain  delightful  exception  that  we  know  of." 

"  My  only  fear  is  for  you"  said  my  darling, 
nestling  closer  to  me.  "  She  comes  of  a  fam 
ily  that  can  display  most  glorious  indignation 
when  there's  a  good  excuse  for  it,  and  I  can't 
bear  to  think  of  you  being  the  cause  of  such 
an  outbreak." 

"I've  faced  the  ugliest  of  guns  in  honor  of 
one  form  of  love,  little  girl,"  I  replied,  "and 
I  could  do  even  more  for  the  sentiment  for 
which  you're  to  blame.  And  for  my  own 


208  HELEN'S    BABIES 

sake,  I M  rather  endure  anything  than  a  sense 
of  having  deceived  any  one,  especially  the 
mother  of  such  a  daughter.  Besides,  you're 
ner  dearest  treasure,  and  she  has  a  right  to 
know  of  even  the  least  thing  that  in  any  way 
concerns  you." 

"And   you're   a   noble   fellow,   and— 
Whatever  other  sentiment  my  companion 
failed  to  put  into  words  was  impulsively  and 
eloquently  communicated  by  her  dear  eyes. 

But  oh,  what  a  cowardly  heart  your  dear 
cheek  rested  upon  an  instant  later,  fair  Alice ! 
Not  for  the  first  time  in  my  life  did  I  shrink 
and  tremble  at  the  realization  of  what  duty 
imperatively  required — not  for  the  first  time 
did  I  go  through  a  harder  battle  than  was 
ever  fought  with  sword  and  cannon,  and  a 
battle  with  greater  possibilities  of  danger 
than  the  field  ever  offered.  I  won  it,  as  a 
man  must  do  in  such  fights,  if  he  deserves  to 
live ;  but  I  could  not  help  feeling  considerably 
sobered  on  our  homeward  drive. 

We  neared  the  house,  and  I  had  an  insane 
fancy  that  instead  of  driving  two  horses  I  was 


HELEN'S    BABIES  209 

astride  of  one,  with  spurs  at  my  heels  and  a 
saber  at  my  side. 

"  Let  me  talk  to  her  now,  Alice,  won't  you? 
Delays  are  only  cowardly." 

A  slight  trembling  at  my  side — an  instant 
of  silence  that  seemed  an  hour,  yet  within 
which  I  could  count  but  six  footfalls,  and 
Alice  replied  :— 

"  Yes;  if  the  parlor  happens  to  be  empty, 
I'll  ask  her  if  she  won't  go  in  and  see  you  a 
moment."  Then  there  came  a  look  full  of 
tenderness,  wonder,  painful  solicitude,  and 
then  two  dear  eyes  filled  with  tears. 

"We're  nearly  there,  darling,"  said  I,  with 
a  reassuring  embrace. 

"  Yes,  and  you  sha'n't  be  the  only  hero," 
said  she,  straightening  herself  proudly,  and 
looking  a  fit  model  for  a  Zenobia. 

As  we  passed  from  behind  a  clump  of  ever 
greens  which  hid  the  house  from  our  view,  I 
involuntarily  exclaimed,  " Gracious!"  Upon 
the  piazza  stood  Mrs.  May  ton;  at  her  side 
stood  my  two  nephews,  as  dirty  in  face,  in 
clothing,  as  I  had  ever  seen  them.  I  don't 


210  HELEN'S    BABIES 

know  but  that  for  a  moment  I  freely  forgave 
them,  for  their  presence  might  grant  me  the 
respite  which  a  sense  of  duty  would  not  allow 
me  to  take. 

"  Wezhe  corned  up  to  wide  home  wif  you," 
exciaimed  Toddie,  as  Mrs.  Mayton  greeted 
me  with  an  odd  mixture  of  courtesy,  curiosity 
and  humor.  Alice  led  the  way  into  the  par 
lor,  whispered  to  her  mother,  and  commenced 
to  make  a  rapid  exit,  when  Mrs.  Mayton 
called  her  back,  and  motioned  her  to  a  chair. 
Alice  and  I  exchanged  sidelong  glances. 

"Alice  says  you  wish  to  speak  with  me, 
Mr.  Burton,"  said  she.  "  I  wonder  whether 
the  subject  is  one  upon  which  I  have  this 
afternoon  received  a  minute  verbal  account 
from  the  elder  Master  Lawrence." 

Alice  looked  blank; — I  am  sure  that  I  did. 
But  safety  could  only  lie  in  action,  so  I  stam 
mered  out: 

"  If  you  refer  to  an  apparently  unwarrant 
able  intrusion  upon  your  family  circle, 
Mrs.- 

"I  do,  sir,"  replied  the  old  lady.     "Be- 


HELEN'S    BABIES  211 

tween  the  statements  made  by  that  child,  and 
the  hitherto  unaccountable  change  in  my 
daughter's  looks  during  two  or  three  days,  I 
think  I  have  got  at  the  truth  of  the  matter. 
If  the  offender  was  any  one  else,  I  should  be 
inclined  to  be  severe;  but  we  mothers  of  only 
daughters  are  apt  to  have  a  pretty  distinct 
idea  of  the  merits  of  young  men,  and " 

The  old  lady  dropped  her  head;  I  sprang 
to  my  feet,  seized  her  hand,  and  reverently 
kissed  it;  then  Mrs.  May  ton,  whose  only  son 
had  died  fifteen  years  before,  raised  her  head 
and  adopted  me  in  the  manner  peculiar  to 
mothers,  while  Alice  burst  into  tears,  and 
kissed  us  both. 

A  few  moments  later,  as  three  happy  peo 
ple  were  occupying  conventional  attitudes, 
and  trying  to  compose  faces  which  should 
bear  the  inspection  of  whoever  might  happen 
into  the  parlor,  Mrs.  May  ton  observed: — 

"  My  children,  between  us  this  matter  is 
understood,  but  I  must  caution  you  against 
acting  in  such  a  way  as  to  make  the  engage 
ment  public  at  once." 


212  HELEN'S    BABIES 

"Trust  me  for  that,"  hastily  exclaimed 
Alice. 

"And  me,  "said  I. 

"  I  have  no  doubt  of  the  intention  and  dis 
cretion  of  either  of  you,"  resumed  Mrs.  May- 
ton,  abut  you  cannot  possibly  be  too  cau 
tious."  Here  a  loud  laugh  from  the  shrub 
bery  under  the  windows  drowned  Mrs.  May- 
ton's  voice  for  a  moment,  but  she  continued: 
"Servants,  children,"-— here  she  smiled,  and 
I  dropped  my  head — "persons  you  may 
chance  to  meet- 
Again  the  laugh  broke  forth  under  the 
window. 

"What  can  those  girls  be  laughing  at?" 
exclaimed  Alice,  moving  toward  the  window, 
followed  by  her  mother  and  me. 

Seated  in  a  semicircle  on  the  grass  were 
most  of  the  ladies  boarding  at  Mrs.  Clark- 
son's,  and  in  front  of  them  stood  Toddie,  in 
that  high  state  of  excitement  to  which  sym 
pathetic  applause  always  raises  him. 

" Say  it  again,"  said  one  of  the  ladies. 

Toddie  put  on  an  expression  of  profound 


HELEN'S    BABIES 


213 


wisdom,  made  violent  gestures  with  both 
hands,  and  repeated  the  following,  with  fre 
quent  gesticulations : — 

"Azh  wadiant  azh  ze  matchless  woze 

Zat  poeck-artuss  fanshy; 
Azh  fair  azh  whituss  lily-blowzh; 

Azh  moduss  azh  a  panzhy; 
Azh  pure  azh  dew  zat  hides  wiffin 

Awwahwah's  sun-tissed  tsallish; 
Azh  tender  azh  ze  pwimwose  tweet, 

All  zish,  an'  moah,  izh  Alish." 


"AZH    WADIANT    AZH    ZE    MATCHLESS    WOZE'.i 

I  gasped  for  breath. 

"  Who  taught  you  all  that,  Toddie  ? ' '  asked 
one  of  the  ladies. 

"  Nobody  didn't  taught  me— I  lyned*  it." 

*Learned. 


2i4  HELEN'S    BABIES 

11  When  did  you  learn  it?" 

"  Lyned  it  zish  mornin'.  Ocken  Hawwy 
said  it  over,  an'  over,  an'  over,  djust  yots  of 
timezh,  out  in  ze  garden." 

The  ladies  all  exchanged  glances — my  lady 
readers  will  understand  just  how,  and  I  as 
sure  gentlemen  that  I  did  not  find  their 
glances  at  all  hard  to  read.  Alice  looked  at 
me  inquiringly,  and  she  now  tells  me  that  I 
blushed  sheepishly  and  guiltily.  Poor  Mrs. 
Mayton  staggered  to  a  chair,  and  exclaimed: 

" Too  late!  too  late!" 

Considering  their  recent  achievements, 
Toddie  and  Budge  were  a  very  modest  couple 
as  I  drove  them  home  that  evening.  Budge 
even  made  some  attempt  at  apologizing  for 
their  appearance,  saying  that  they  couldn't 
find  Maggie,  and  couldn't  wait  any  longer; 
but  I  assured  him  that  no  apology  was  neces 
sary.  I  was  in  such  excellent  spirits  that  my 
feeling  became  contagious;  and  we  sang 
songs,  told  stories,  and  played  ridiculous 
games  most  of  the  evening,  paying  but  little 
attention  to  the  dinner  that  was  set  for  us. 


HELEN'S    BABIES  215 

"  Uncle  Harry,"  said  Budge,  suddenly,  " do 
you  know  we  haven't  ever  sung, — 

'  Drown  old  Pharaoh's  Army,  Hallelujah,' 

since  you've  been  here?     Let's  do  it  now." 

"  All  right,  old  fellow. ' '  I  knew  the  song — 
such  as  there  was  of  it — and  its  chorus,  as 
every  one  does  who  ever  heard  the  Jubilee 
Singers  render  it;  but  I  scarcely  understood 
the  meaning  of  the  preparations  which  Budge 
made.  He  drew  a  large  rocking-chair  into 
the  middle  of  the  room,  and  exclaimed : — 

"  There,  Uncle  Harry — you  sit  down.  Come 
along,  Tod — you  sit  on  that  knee,  and  I'll  sit 
on  this.     Lift  up  both  hands,  Tod,  like  I  do. 
Now  we're  all  ready,  Uncle  IJ#,rry." 
I  sang  the  first  line: — 

"  When  Israel  was  in  bondage,  they  cried 
unto  the  Lord," 

without  any  assistance,  but  the  boys  came  in 
powerfully  on  the  refrain,  beating  time  simul- 
tanqously  with  their  four  fists  upon  my  chest. 
I  cannot  think  it  strange  that  I  suddenly 
ceased  singing,  but  the  boys  viewed  my  ac 
tion  from  a  different  standpoint. 


2i6  HELEN'S    BABIES 

"What  makes  you  stop,  Uncle  Harry?" 
asked  Budge. 

"  Because  you  hurt  me  badly,  my  boy;  you 
mustn't  do  that  again." 

"  Why,  I  guess  you  ain't  very  strong;  that's 
the  way  we  do  to  papa,  an'  it  don't  hurt 
him." 

Poor  Tom!  No  wonder  he  grows  flat- 
chested. 

"Guesh  you's  a  ky-baby,"  suggested  Tod- 
die. 

This  imputation  I  bore  with  meekness,  but 
ventured  to  remark  that  it  was  bedtime. 
After  allowing  a  few  moments  for  the  usual 
expressions  of  dissent,  I  staggered  upstairs 
with  Toddie  in  my  arms,  and  Budge  on  my 
back,  both  boys  roaring  the  refrain  of  the 
negro  hymn  :— 

"I'm    a-rolling  through  an  unfriendly  World!" 

The  offer  of  a  stick  of  candy  to  whichever  boy 
was  first  undressed,  caused  some  lively  .dis 
robing,  after  which  each  boy  received  the 
prize.  Budge  bit  a  large  piece,  wedged  it 
between  his  cheek  and  his  teeth,  closed  his 


HELEN'S    BABIES  217 

eyes,  folded  his  hands  on  his  breast,  and 
prayed  :— 

"Dear  Lord,  bless  papa  an'  mamma,  an' 
Toddie  an'  me,  an'  that  turtle  Uncle  Harry 
found;  and  bless  that  lovely  lady  Uncle 
Harry  goes  ridin'  with,  an'  make  'em  take  me 
too,  an'  bless  that  nice  old  lady  with  white 
hair,  that  cried,  an'  said  I  was  a  smart  boy. 
Amen." 

Toddie  sighed  as  he  drew  his  stick  of  candy 
from  his  lips;  then  he  shut  his  eyes  and  re 
marked  : — "  Dee  Lord,  blesh  Toddie,  an'  make 
him  good  boy,  an'  blesh  zem  ladies  zat  told 
me  to  say  it  aden";  the  particular  "it"  re 
ferred  to  being  well  understood  by  at  least 
three  adults  of  my  acquaintance. 

The  course  of  Budge's  interview  with  Mrs. 
Mayton  was  afterward  related  by  that  lady, 
as  follows:— 

She  was  sitting  in  her  own  room  (which 
was  on  the  parlor  floor,  and  in  the  rear  of  the 
house),  and  was  leisurely  reading  "Fated  to 
be  Free, ' '  when  she  accidentally  dropped  her 
glasses.  Stooping  to  pick  them  up,  she  be- 


218  HELEN'S    BABIES 

came  aware  that  she  was  not  alone.  A  small, 
very  dirty,  but  good-featured  boy  stood 
before  her,  his  hands  behind  his  back,  and  an 
inquiring  look  in  his  eyes. 

"Run  away,  little  boy,"  said  she.  "Don't 
you  know  it  isn't  polite  to  enter  rooms  with 
out  knocking  ? ' ' 

"  I'm  lookin'  for  my  uncle,"  said  Budge,  in 
most  melodious  accents,  "  an'  the  other  ladies 
said  you  would  know  when  he  would  come 
back." 

"  I'm  afraid  they  were  making  fun  of  you — • 
or  me,"  said  the  old  lady,  a  little  severely. 
"  I  don't  know  anything  about  little  boys' 
uncles.  Now,  run  away,  and  don't  disturb 
me  any  more." 

11  Well,"  continued  Budge,  "  they  said  your 
little  girl  went  with  him,  and  you'd  know 
when  she  would  come  back." 

"I  haven't  any  little  girl,"  said  the  old 
lady,  her  indignation  at  a  supposed  joke 
threatening  to  overcome  her  dignity.  "  Now 
go  away." 

"She  isn't  a  very  little  girl,"  said  Budge, 


HELEN'S    BABIES 


219 


honestly  anxious  to  conciliate;  "that  is, 
she's  bigger  'n  /  am,  but  they  said  you  was 
her  mother,  an'  so  she's  your  little  girl,  isn't 
she?  /  think  she's  lovely,  too." 


MRS.    MAYTON    STOOPED    TO    PICK    UP    HER    GLASSES 

"  Do  you  mean  Miss  Mayton  ? ' '  asked  the 
lady,  thinking  she  had  a  possible  clue  to  the 
cause  of  Budge's  anxiety. 

"Oh,   yes — -that's   her  name — I   couldn't 


220  HELEN'S    BABIES 

think  of  it,"  eagerly  replied  Budge.  "An1 
ain't  she  AWFUL  nice — I  know  she  is.'" 

'Your  judgment  is  quite  correct,  consider 
ing  your  age,"  said  Mrs.  Mayton,  exhibiting 
more  interest  in  Budge  than  she  had  hereto 
fore  done.  "  But  what  makes  you  think  she 
is  nice?  You  are  rather  younger  than  her 
male  admirers  usually  are." 

"Why,  my  Uncle  Harry  told  me  so,"  re 
plied  Budge,  "and  he  knows  everything." 

Mrs.  Mayton  grew  vigilant  at  once,  and 
dropped  her  book. 

"  Who  is  your  Uncle  Harry,  little  boy?" 

"  He's  Uncle  Harry;  don't  you  know  him? 
He  can  make  nicer  whistles  than  my  papa 
can.  An' he  found  a  turtle 

"  Who  is  your  papa  ? ' '  interrupted  the  old 
lady. 

"Why,  he's  papa — I  thought  everybody 
knew  who  he  was." 

"What  is  your  name?"  asked  Mrs.  May- 
ton. 

"John  Burton  Lawrence,"  promptly  an 
swered  Budge. 


HELEN'S    BABIES  221 

Mrs.  May  ton  wrinkled  her  brows  for  a  mo 
ment,  and  finally  asked:— 

"  Is  Mr.  Burton  the  uncle  you  are  looking 
for?" 

"I  don't  know  any  Mr.  Burton,"  said 
Budge,  a  little  dazed;  " uncle  is  mamma's 
brother,  an'  he's  been  livin'  at  our  house  ever 
since  mamma  and  papa  went  off  visit  in',  an' 
he  goes  ridin'  in  our  carriage,  an' — 

"  Humph ! ' '  remarked  the  old  lady  with  so 
much  emphasis  that  Budge  ceased  talking. 
A  moment  later  she  said : — 

"  I  didn't  mean  to  interrupt  you,  little  boy; 
go  on." 

"An'  he  rides  with  just  the  loveliest  lady 
that  ever  was.  He  thinks  so,  an'  /  KNOW  she 
is.  An'  he  'spects  her." 

"What?"  exclaimed  the  old  lady. 

"  'Spects  her,  I  say — that's  what  he  says. 
7  say  'spect  means  just  what  I  call  love. 
'Cos  if  it  don't,  what  makes  him  give  her  hugs 
an'  kisses?" 

Mrs.  May  ton  caught  her  breath — and  did 
not  reply  for  a  moment.  At  last  she  said : — 


222  HELEN'S    BABIES 

"  How  do  you  know  he — gives  her  hugs  and 
kisses?" 

"  'Cos  I  saw  him,  the  day  Toddie  hurt  his 
finger  in  the  grass  cutter.  An'  he  was  so 
happy  that  he  bought  me  a  goat-carriage 
next  morning — I  '11  show  it  to  you  if  you  come 
down  to  our  stable,  an'  I'll  show  you  the  goat 
too.  An'  he  bought— 

Just  here  Budge  stopped,  for  Mrs.  May  ton 
put  her  handkerchief  to  her  eyes.  Two  or 
three  moments  later  she  felt  a  light  touch  on 
her  knee,  and,  wiping  her  eyes,  saw  Budge 
looking  sympathetically  into  her  face. 

"I'm  awful  sorry  you  feel  bad,"  said  he. 
"  Are  you  'fraid  to  have  your  little  girl  ridin' 
so  long  ? ' ' 

"Yes!"  exclaimed  Mrs.  Mayton,  with 
great  decision. 

"Well,  you  needn't  be,"  said  Budge,  "for 
Uncle  Harry's  awful  careful  an'  smart." 

"  He  ought  to  be  ashamed  of  himself! "  ex 
claimed  the  lady. 

"I  guess  he  is,  then,"  said  Budge,  "'cos 
he's  ev'rything  he  ought  to  be.  He's  awful 


HELEN'S    BABIES  223 

careful.  T'other  day,  when  the  goat  ran 
away,  an'  Toddie  an'  me  got  in  the  carriage 
with  them,  he  held  on  to  her  tight,  so  she 
couldn't  fall  out." 

Mrs.  May  ton  brought  her  foot  down  with  a 
violent  stamp. 

"  I  know  you'd  'spect  him,  if  you  knew  how 
nice  he  was,"  continued  Budge.  "He  sings 
awful  funny  songs,  an'  tells  splendid  stories." 

"  Nonsense ! ' '  exclaimed  the  angry  mother. 

"They  ain't  no  nonsense  at  all,"  said 
Budge.  "I  don't  think  it's  nice  for  to  say 
that,  when  his  stories  are  always  about  Jo 
seph,  an'  Abraham,  an'  Moses,  an'  when 
Jesus  was  a  little  boy,  an'  the  Hebrew  chil 
dren,  an'  lots  of  people  that  the  Lord  loved. 
An'  he's  awful  'fectionate,  too." 

'Yes,  I  suppose  so,"  said  Mrs.  May  ton. 

"  When  we  says  our  prayers  we  prays  foi 
the  nice  lady  what  he  'spects,  an'  he  likes  us 
to  do  it,"  continued  Budge. 

"How  do  you  know?"  demanded  Mrs. 
Mayton. 

"  'Cos  he  always  kisses  us  when  we  do  it, 


224  HELEN'S    BABIES 

an'  that's  what  my  papa  does  when  he  likes 
what  we  pray." 

Mrs.  May  ton's  mind  became  absorbed  in 
earnest  thought,  but  Budge  had  not  said  all 
that  was  in  his  heart. 

"  An'  when  Toddie  or  me  tumbles  down  an* 
hurts  ourselves,  'tain't  no  matter  what  Uncle 
Harry's  doin',  he  runs  right  out  an'  picks  us 
up  an'  comforts  us.  He  froed  away  a  cigar 
the  other  day,  he  was  in  such  a  hurry  when 
a  wasp  stung  me,  an'  Toddie  picked  the 
cigar  up  and  ate  it,  an'  it  made  him  awful 
sick." 

The  last-named  incident  did  not  affect  Mrs. 
May  ton  deeply,  perhaps  on  the  score  of  inap 
plicability  to  the  question  before  her.  Budge 
went  on:— 

11  An'  wasn't  he  good  to  me  to-day?  Just 
'cos  I  was  forlorn,  'cos  I  hadn't  nobody  to 
play  with,  an'  wanted  to  die  an'  go  to  heaven, 
he  stopped  shavin',  so  as  to  comfort  me." 

Mrs.  May  ton  had  been  thinking  rapidly 
and  seriously,  and  her  heart  had  relented 
somewhat  toward  the  principal  offender. 


HELEN'S    BABIES 


225 


"Suppose,"  she  said,  "that  I  don't  let  my 
little  girl  go  riding  with  him  any  more?" 

"Then,"  said 
Budge,  "  I  know 
he'll  be  awful, 
awful  unhappy, 
an'  I'll  be  awful 
sorry  for  him, 
'cos  nice  folks 
oughtn't  to  be 
made  unhappy." 

"Suppose,  then, 
that  I  do  let  her 
go?"  said  Mrs. 
May  ton. 

"Then  I'll  give 
you  a  whole 
stomachful  of 
kisses  for  being  so  good  to  my  uncle,"  said 
Budge.  And  assuming  that  the  latter  course 
would  be  the  one  adopted  by  Mrs.  Mayton, 
Budge  climbed  into  her  lap  and  began  at  once 
to  make  payment. 

"Bless  your  dear  little  heart!"   exclaimed 


MADE    HIM    AWFUL    SICK 


226  HELEN'S    BABIES 

Mrs.  May  ton ;  "  you're  of  the  same  blood,  and 
it  is  good,  if  it  is  rather  hasty." 

As  I  rose  the  next  morning,  I  found  a 
letter  under  my  door.  Disappointed  that  it 
was  not  addressed  in  Alice's  writing,  I  was 
nevertheless  glad  to  get  a  word  from  my  sis 
ter,  particularly  as  the  letter  ran  as  follows  :— 

"July  i,  1875. 

"DEAR  OLD  BROTHER: — I've  been  recalling  a  fort 
night's  experience  ive  once  had  of  courtship  in  a  board 
ing-house,  and  I've  determined  to  cut  short  our  visit 
here,  hurry  home,  and  give  you  and  Alice  a  chance  or 
two  to  see  each  other  in  parlors  where  there  won't  be 
a  likelihood  of  the  dozen  or  two  interruptions  you 
must  suffer  each  evening  now.  Tom  agrees  with  me, 
like  the  obedient  old  darling  that  he  is ;  so  please  have 
the  carriage  at  Hillcrest  station  for  us  at  1 1 140 
Friday  morning.  Invite  Alice  and  her  mother  for  me 
to  dine  with  us  Sunday, — we'll  bring  them  home  from 
church  with  us. 

"Lovingly  your  sister, 

"HELEN. 

"P.  S.  Of  course  you'll  have  my  darlings  in  the 
carriage  to  receive  me. 

"P.  S.  Would  it  annoy  you  to  move  into  the  best 
guest-chamber?  I  can't  bear  to  sleep  where  I  can't 
have  them  within  reach." 

Friday  morning  they  intended  to  arrive,— 
blessings  on  their  thoughtful  hearts! — and 


HELEN'S    BABIES  227 

this  was  Friday.  I  hurried  into  the  boys1 
room  and  shouted : — 

"Toddie!  Budge!  who  do  you  think  is 
'coming  to  see  you  this  morning?" 

"Who?"  asked  Budge. 

"  Organ-grinder  ? ' '  queried  Toddie. 

"  No,  your  papa  and  mamma.'' 

Budge  looked  like  an  angel  in  an  instant, 
but  Toddie 's  eyes  twitched  a  little,  and  he 
mournfully  murmured  :— 

"I  fought  it  wash  an  organ-grinder." 

"O  Uncle  Harry!"  said  Budge,  springing 
out  of  bed  in  a  perfect  delirium  of  delight, 
"  I  believe  if  my  papa  and  mamma  had  stayed 
away  any  longer,  I  believe  I  would  die.  I've 
been  so  lonesome  for  'em  that  I  haven't 
known  what  to  do — I  Ve  cried  whole  pillows- 
ful  about  it,  right  here  in  the  dark." 

"  Why,  my  poor  old  fellow,"  said  I,  picking 
him  up  and  kissing  him,  "why  didn't  you 
come  up  and  tell  Uncle  Harry,  and  let  him 
try  to  comfort  you?" 

"I  couldn't,''  said  Budge;  "when  I  gets 
lonesome,  it  feels  as  if  my  mouth  was  all 


228  HELEN'S    BABIES 

tied  up,  an'  a  great  big  stone  was  right  in 
here."  And  Budge  put  his  hand  on  his 
chest. 

"  If  a  big  'tone  wazh  inshide  of  me,"  said 
Toddie,  "I'd  take  it  out  an'  fro  it  at  the 
shickens." 

" Toddie,"  said  I,  "aren't  you  glad  papa 
and  mamma  are  coming  ? ' ' 

"  Yesh,"  said  Toddie,  "  I  fink  it'll  be  awfoo 
nish.  Mamma  always  bwings  me  candy  fen 
she  goes  away  anyfere." 

'Toddie,  you're  a  mercenary  wretch." 

"  Aint  a  mernesary  wetch;  Izhe  Toddie 
Yawncie." 

Toddie  made  none  the  less  haste  in  dressing 
than  his  brother,  however.  Candy  was  to 
him  what  some  systems  of  theology  are  to 
their  adherents — not  a  very  lofty  motive  of 
action,  but  sweet,  and  something  he  could 
fully  understand;  so  the  energy  displayed  in 
getting  himself  tangled  up  in  his  clothes  was 
something  wonderful. 

"Stop,  boys,"  said  I;  "you  must  have  on 
clean  clothes  to-day.  You  don't  want  your 


HELEN'S    BABIES  229 

father  and  mother  to  see  you  all  dirty,  do 
you?" 

"Of  course  not,"  said  Budge. 

"  Oh,  izh  I  goin'  to  be  d jessed  up  all  nicey  ?" 
asked  Toddie.  " Goody!  goody!  goody!" 

I  always  thought  my  sister  Helen  had  an 
undue  amount  of  vanity,  and  here  it  was  re 
appearing  in  the  second  generation. 

"An'  I  wantsh  my  shoes  made  all  nigger," 
said  Toddie. 
"What?" 

II  Wantsh  my  shoes  made  all  nigger  wif  a 
bottle-bwush,  too,"  said  Toddie. 

I  looked  appealingly  at  Budge,  who  an 
swered  :— 

"  He  means  he  wants  his  shoes  blacked, 
with  the  polish  that's  in  the  bottle,  an'  you 
rub  it  on  with  a  brush." 

"An'  I  wantsh  a  thath  on,"  continued 
Toddie. 

"Sash,  he  means,"  said  Budge.  "He's 
awful  proud." 

"An'  Izhe  doin'  to  wear  my  takker-hat," 
said  Toddie.  "  An'  my  wed  djuvs." 


HELEN'S    BABIES 

"That's  his  tassel-hat  an'  his  red  gloves," 
continued  the  interpreter. 

"Toddie,  you  can't  wear  gloves  such  hot 
days  as  these,"  said  I. 

A  look  of  inquiry  was  speedily  followed  by 
Toddie 's  own  unmistakable  preparations  for 
weeping;  and  as  I  did  not  want  his  eyes 
dimmed  when  his  mother  looked  into  them  I 
hastily  exclaimed: — 

"  Put  them  on,  then — put  on  the  mantle  of 
rude  Boreas  if  you  choose;  but  don't  go  to 
crying." 

"Don't  want  no  mantle-o'wude-baw- 
yusses,"  declared  Toddie,  following  me  pho 
netically,  "  wantsh  my  own  pitty  cozhesh,  an* 
nobody  eshesh." 

"O  Uncle  Harry,"  exclaimed  Budge,  "I 
want  to  bring  mamma  home  in  my  goat- 
carriage!" 

"The  goat  isn't  strong  enough,  Budge,  to 
draw  mamma  and  you." 

"Well,  then,  let  me  drive  down  to  the 
depot,  just  to  show  papa  an'  mamma  I've 
got  a  goat-carriage — I  'm  sure  mamma  would 


HELEN'S    BABIES 


231 


be  very  unhappy  when  she  found  out  I  had 
one,  and  she  hadn't  seen  it  first  thing." 

"  Well,  I  guess  you  may  follow  me  down, 
Budge;  but  you  must  drive  very  carefully." 

"Oh,  yes — I  wouldn't  get  us  hurt  when 
mamma  was  com 
ing  for  anything." 

"Now,  boys," 
said   I,    "I    want 
you  to  stay*  in  the 
house  and  play  this 
morning.     If  you 
go  out  of  doors 
you '11  get  your 
selves  dirty." 

1  'I  guess  the 
sun '11  be  dis 
appointed  if  it 
don't  have  us 
to  look  at," 

Suggested    "THE   SUN'LL   BE   DISAPPOINTED   IF   IT 
Budp*e  DON'T  HAVE  us  TO  LOOK  AT" 

"Never   mind,"    said    I,    "the   sun's   old 
enough  to  have  learned  to  be  patient." 


232  HELEN'S    BABIES 

Breakfast  over,  the  boys  moved  reluc 
tantly  away  to  the  play-room,  while  I  in 
spected  the  house  and  grounds  pretty  closely, 
to  see  that  everything  should  at  least  fail  to 
do  my  management  discredit.  A  dollar 
given  to  Mike  and  another  to  Maggie  were  of 
material  assistance  in  this  work,  so  I  felt  free 
to  adorn  the  parlors  and  Helen's  chamber 
with  flowers.  As  I  went  into  the  latter  room 
I  heard  some  one  at  the  wash-stand,  which 
was  in  an  alcove  and,  on  looking  in,  I  saw 
Toddie  drinking  the  last  of  the  contents  of  a 
goblet  which  contained  a  dark-colored  mix 
ture. 

"  Izhe  tatin'  black  medshin,"  said  Toddie; 
"  I  likes  black  medshin  awfoo  muts." 

"  What  do  you  make  it  of  ? "  I  asked,  with 
some  sympathy,  and  tracing  parental  influ 
ence  again.  When  Helen  and  I  were  children 
we  spent  hours  in  soaking  licorice  in  water 
and  administering  it  as  medicine. 

"  Makesh  it  out  of  shoda  mitsture,"  said 
Toddie. 

This  was  another  medicine  of  our  childhood 


HELEN'S    BABIES  233 

days,  but  one  prepared  according  to  physi 
cian's  prescription,  and  not  beneficial  when 
taken  ad  libitum.  As  I  took  the  vial — a  two- 
ounce  one — I  asked  :— 

"How  much  did  you  take,  Toddie?" 
"Took   whole   bottoo   full— 'twas   nysh," 
said  he. 

Suddenly,  the  label  caught  my  eye — it  read 
PAREGORIC.  In  a  second  I  had  snatched 
a  shawl,  wrapped  Toddie  in  it,  tucked  him 
under  my  arm,  and  was  on  my  way  to  the 
barn.  In  a  moment  more  I  was  on  one  of  the 
horses  and  galloping  furiously  to  the  village, 
with  Toddie  under  one  arm,  his  yellow  curls 
streaming  in  the  breeze.  People  came  out 
and  stared  as  they  did  at  John  Gilpin,  while 
one  old  farmer  whom  I  met  turned  his  team 
about,  whipped  up  furiously,  and  followed 
me,  shouting,  "  Stop,  thief!"  I  afterward 
learned  that  he  took  me  to  be  one  of  the  ab 
ductors  of  Charlie  Ross,  with  the  lost  child 
under  my  arm,  and  that  visions  of  the  $20,000 
reward  floated  before  his  eyes.  In  front  of 
an  apothecary's  I  brought  the  horse  suddenly 


234  HELEN'S    BABIES 

upon  his  haunches,  and  dashed  in,  ex 
claiming  :— 

"Give  this  child  a  strong  emetic — quick! 
He's  swallowed  poison!" 

The  apothecary  hurried  to  his  prescription- 
desk,  while  a  motherly-looking  Irish  woman 
upon  whom  he  had  been  waiting,  exclaimed, 
"Holy  Hither!  Ill  run  an'  fetch  Father 

0  'Kelley , ' '  and  hurried  out .    Meanwhile  Tod- 
die,  upon  whom  the  medicine  had  not  com 
menced  to  take  effect,  had  seized  the  apothe 
cary's    cat    by    the    tail,    which    operation 
resulted  in  a  considerable  vocal  protest  from 
that  animal. 

The  experiences  of  the  next  few  moments 
were  more  pronounced  and  revolutionary 
than  pleasing  to  relate  in  detail.  It  is  suffi 
cient  to  say  that  Toddie's  weight  was  materi 
ally  diminished,  and  that  his  complexion  was 
temporarily  pallid.  Father  O' Kelley  arrived 
at  a  brisk  run,  and  was  honestly  glad  to  find 
that  his  services  were  not  required,  although 

1  assured  him  that  if  Catholic  baptism  and  a 
sprinkling   of  holy  water  would  have  im- 


HELEN'S   BABIES 


235 


proved  Toddie's  character,  I  thought  there 
was  excuse  for  several  applications.  We 
rode  quietly  back  to  the  house,  and  while  I 
was  asking  Maggie  to  try  and  coax  Toddie 


n 


GALLOPING    FURIOUSLY    TO    THE    VILLAGE 

into  taking  a  nap,  I  heard  the  patient  remark 
to  his  brother : — 

"Budgie,  down  to  the  village  I  was  a 
whay-al.  I  didn't  froe  up  Djonah,  but  I 
froed  up  a  whole  floor  full  of  uvver  rings." 


236  HELEN'S    BABIES 

During  the  hour  which  passed  before  it  was 
time  to  start  for  the  depot  my  sole  attention 
was  devoted  to  keeping  the  children  from 
soiling  their  clothes;  but  my  success  was  so 
little,  that  I  lost  my  temper  entirely.  First 
they  insisted  upon  playing  on  a  part  of  the 
lawn  which  the  sun  had  not  yet  reached. 
Then,  while  I  had  gone  into  the  house  for  a 
match  to  light  my  cigar,  Toddie  had  gone 
with  his  damp  shoes  into  the  middle  of  the 
road,  where  the  dust  was  ankle  deep.  Then 
they  got  upon  their  hands  and  knees  on  the 
piazza  and  played  bear.  Each  one  wanted 
to  pick  a  bouquet  for  his  mother,  and  Toddie 
took  the  precaution  to  smell  every  flower  he 
approached — an  operation  which  caused  him 
to  get  his  nose  covered  with  lily-pollen,  so 
that  he  looked  like  a  badly  used  prize-fighter. 
In  one  of  their  spasms  of  inaction,  Budge 
asked : — 

"  What  makes  some  of  the  men  in  church 
have  no  hair  on  the  tops  of  their  heads,  Uncle 
Harry?" 

"Because,"  said  I,  pausing  long  enough  to 


HELEN'S    BABIES 


237 


shake  Toddie  for  trying  to  get  my  watch  out 
of  my  pocket,  "  because  they  have  bad  little 
boys  to  bother  them  all  the  time,  so  their 
hair  drops  out." 

"  I  dess  my  hairs  is  a-goin'  to  drop  out 
pitty  soon,  then,"  remarked  Toddie,  with  an 
injured  air. 

t 


MIKE    TELLING    MAGGIE    TO    GET    LUNCH 

" Harness  the  horses,  Mike!"   I  shouted. 

"An'  the  goat,  too,"  added  Budge. 

Five  minutes  later  I  was  seated  in  the  car 
riage,  or  rather  in  Tom's  two-seated  open 
wagon.  "  Mike,"  I  shouted,  "  I  forgot  to  tell 
Maggie  to  have  some  lunch  ready  for  the 


238  HELEN'S    BABIES 

folks  when  they  get  here — run,  tell  her,  quick, 
won't  you?" 

"Oye,  oye,  sur,"  said  Mike,  and  off  he 
went. 

"Are  you  all  ready,  boys?"  I  asked. 

"  In  a  minute,"  said  Budge;  " soon  as  I  fix 
this.  Now,"  he  continued,  getting  into  his 
seat,  and  taking  the  reins  and  whip,  "go 
ahead." 

:<  Wait  a  moment,  Budge — put  down  that 
whip,  and  don't  touch  the  goat  with  it  once 
on  the  way.  I'm  going  to  drive  very  slowly 
— there's  plenty  of  time,  and  all  you  need  to 
do  is  to  hold  your  reins." 

"  All  right,"  said  Budge,  "  but  I  like  to  look 
like  mans  when  I  drive." 

:<  You  may  do  that  when  somebody  can  run 
beside  you.  Now!" 

The  horses  started  at  a  gentle  trot,  and  the 
goat  followed  very  closely.  When  within  a 
minute  of  the  depot,  however,  the  train 
swept  in.  I  had  intended  to  be  on  the  plat 
form  to  meet  Tom  and  Helen,  but  my  watch 
was  evidently  slow.  I  gave  the  horses  the 


HELEN'S    BABIES  239 

whip,  looked  behind  and  saw  the  boys  were 
close  upon  me,  and  I  was  so  near  the  platform 
when  I  turned  my  head  that  nothing  but  the 
sharpest  of  turns  saved  me  from  a  severe 
accident.  The  noble  animals  saw  the  danger 
as  quickly  as  I  did,  however,  and  turned  in 
marvelously  small  space;  as  they  did  so,  I 
heard  two  hard  thumps  upon  the  wooden 
wall  of  the  little  depot,  heard  also  two  fright 
ful  howls,  saw  both  my  nephews  considerably 
mixed  up  on  the  platform,  while  the  driver 
of  the  Bloom-Park  stage  growled  in  my 
ear:— 

1  'What  in  thunder  did  you  let  'em  hitch 
that  goat  to  your  axle-tree  for?" 

I  looked,  and  saw  the  man  spoke  with  just 
cause.  How  the  goat's  head  and  shoulders 
had  maintained  their  normal  connection  dur 
ing  the  last  minute  of  my  drive,  I  leave  for 
naturalists  to  explain.  I  had  no  time  to 
meditate  on  the  matter  just  then,  for  the 
train  had  stopped.  Fortunately  the  children 
had  struck  on  their  heads,  and  the  Lawrence- 
Burton  skull  is  a  marvel  of  solidity.  I  set 


24c  HELEN'S    BABIES 

them  upon  their  feet,  brushed  them  off  with 
my  hands,  promised  them  all  the  candy  they 
could  eat  for  a  week,  wiped  their  eyes,  and 
hurried  them  to  the  other  side  of  the  depot. 
Budge  rushed  at  Tom,  exclaiming: — 

"  See  my  goat,  papa! " 

Helen  opened  her  arms,  and  Toddie  threw 
himself  into  them,  sobbing: — 

"  Mam— ma!  shing  '  Toddie  one-boy-day ! ' " 

How  uncomfortable  a  man  can  feel  in  the 
society  of  a  dearly  beloved  sister  and  an  in 
comparable  brother-in-law  I  never  imagined 
until  that  short  drive.  Helen  was  somewhat 
concerned  about  the  children,  but  she  found 
time  to  look  at  me  with  so  much  of  sympathy, 
humor,  affection,  and  condescension  that  I 
really  felt  relieved  when  we  reached  the 
house.  I  hastily  retired  to  my  own  room, 
but  before  I  had  shut  the  door  Helen  was 
with  me,  and  her  arms  were  about  my  neck ; 
before  the  dear  old  girl  removed  them  we  had 
grown  far  nearer  to  each  other  than  we  had 
ever  been  before. 

And  how  gloriously  the  rest  of  the  day 


HELEN'S    BABIES  241 

passed  off.  We  had  a  delightful  little  lunch, 
and  Tom  brought  up  a  bottle  of  Roederer, 
and  Helen  didn't  remonstrate  when  he  in 
sisted  on  its  being  drank  from  her  finest 
glasses,  and  there  were  toasts  drank  to 
"  Her"  and  "  Her  Mother,"  and  to  the  Bene 
dict  that  was  to  be.  And  then  Helen  pro 
posed  "The  makers  of  the  match — Budge 
and  Toddie ! ' '  which  was  honored  with  bum 
pers.  The  gentlemen  toasted  did  not  re 
spond,  but  they  stared  so  curiously  that  I 
sprang  from  my  chair  and  kissed  them 
soundly,  upon  which  Tom  and  Helen  ex 
changed  significant  glances. 

Then  Helen  walked  down  to  Mrs.  Clark- 
son's  boarding-house,  all  for  the  purpose  of 
showing  a  lady  there,  with  a  skirt  to  make 
over,  just  how  she  had  seen  a  similar  garment 
rearranged  exquisitely.  And  Alice  strolled 
down  to  the  gate  with  her  to  say  good-by; 
and  they  had  so  much  to  talk  about  that 
Helen  walked  Alice  nearly  to  our  house,  and 
then  insisted  on  her  coming  the  rest  of  the 
way,  so  she  might  be  driven  home.  And 


242  HELEN'S    BABIES 

then  Mike  was  sent  back  with  a  note  to  say  to 
Mrs.  May  ton  that  her  daughter  had  been  pre 
vailed  upon  to  stay  to  evening  dinner,  but 
would  be  sent  home  under  capable  escort. 
And  after  dinner  was  over  and  the  children 
put  to  bed,  Tom  groaned  that  he  must  attend 
a  road -board  meeting,  and  Helen  begged  us 
to  excuse  her  just  a  minute  while  she  ran  in 
to  the  doctor's  to  ask  how  poor  Mrs.  Brown 
had  been  doing,  and  she  consumed  three 
hours  and  twenty-five  minutes  in  asking, 
bless  her  sympathetic  soul! 

The  dreaded  ending  of  my  vacation  did  not 
cause  me  as  many  pangs  as  I  had  expected. 
Helen  wanted  to  know  one  evening  why  if 
her  poor,  dear  Tom  could  go  back  and  forth 
to  the  city  to  business  every  day,  her  lazy  big 
brother  couldn't  go  back  and  forth  to  Hill- 
crest  daily,  if  she  were  to  want  him  as  a 
boarder  for  the  remainder  of  the  season. 
Although  I  had  for  years  inveighed  against 
the  folly  of  cultivated  people  leaving  the  city 
to  find  residences,  Helen's  argument  was  un 
answerable  and  I  submitted.  I  did  even 


HELEN'S    BABIES  243 

more;  I  purchased  a  lovely  bit  of  ground 
(though  the  deed  stands  in  Tom's  name  for 
the  present),  and  Tom  has  brought  up  several 
plans  for  cottage-houses,  and  every  evening 
they  are  spread  on  the  dining-room  table,  and 
there  gather  round  them  four  people,  among 
whom  are  a  white  goods  salesman  and  a 
young  lady  with  the  brightest  of  eyes  and 
cheeks  full  of  roses  and  lilies.  This  latter- 
named  personage  has  her  own  opinions  of  the 
merits  of  all  plans  suggested,  and  insisted 
that  whatever  plan  is  adopted  must  have  a 
lovely  room  to  be  set  apart  as  the  exclusive 
property  of  Helen's  boys.  Young  as  these 
gentlemen  are,  I  find  frequent  occasions  to  be 
frightfully  jealous  of  them,  but  they  are  un 
moved  by  either  my  frowns  or  persuasions- 
artifice  alone  is  able  to  prevent  their  monop 
olizing  the  time  of  an  adorable  being,  of 
whose  society  I  cannot  possibly  have  too 
much.  She  insists  that  when  the  ceremony 
takes  place  in  December,  they  shall  officiate 
as  groomsmen,  and  I  have  not  the  slightest 
doubt  that  she  will  carry  her  point.  In  fact, 


244  HELEN'S    BABIES 

I  confess  to  frequent  affectionate  advances 
toward  them  myself,  and  when  I  retire  with 
out  first  seeking  their  room  and  putting  a 
grateful  kiss  upon  their  unconscious  lips,  my 
conscience  upbraids  me  with  base  ingrati 
tude.  To  think  I  might  yet  be  a  hopeless 
bachelor  had  it  not  been  for  them,  is  to  over 
flow  with  thankfulness  to  the  giver  of 

HELEN'S  BABIES, 


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Delightfu  .  irresponsible  "  Mary  Jane's  Pa"  awakes  one  morning  to  find 
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CHEKCJB  DLVINE.    By  Sewell  Ford. 

"  Cherub,"  a  good  hearted  but  not  over  refined  young  man  is  brought  In 
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A  WOMAN'S  WAY.     By  Charles  Somerville.    Illustrated  with 

scenes  from  the  play. 

A  story  in  which  a  woman's  wit  and  self-sacrificing  love  save  her  husband 
bom  the  toils  of  an  adventuress,  ana  change  an  apparently  tragic  situation 
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THE  CLIMAX.    By  George  C.  Jenks. 

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s:udies,  how  she  suffers,  are  vividly  portrayed. 

A.  FOOL  THERE  WAS.     By  Porter  Emerson  Browne,     Illus 
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struggles,  falls  and  rises,  only  to  fall  again  into  her  net,  make  a  story  of 
unflinching  realism. 

THE  SQUAW   MAN.     By  Julie  Opp  Faversham  and  Edwin 

Milton  Royle.    Illustrated  with  scenes  from  the  play. 
A  glowing  story,  rapid  in  action,  bright  in  dialogue  with  a  fine  courageous, 
lero  and  a  beautiful  English  heroine, 

;'HE  GIRL  IN  WAITING.     By  Archibald  Eyre,     Illustrated 

with  scenes  from  the  play. 

A  droll  little  comedy  of  misunderstandings,  told  with  a  light  touch,  a  veo- 
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CHE    SCARLET    PIMPERNEL.     By  Baroness  Orczy.     Illus. 

trated  with  scenes  from  the  play. 

A  realistic  story  of  the  days  of  the  French  Revolution,  abounding  in 
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GROSSET  &  DUNLAP,  526  WEST  26th  ST.,  NEW  YORK 


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OLD   CHESTER   TALES.     By  Margaret  Deland.     Illustrated 
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REBECCA  MARY.      By  Annie  Hamilton  Donnell.     Illustrated 
by  Elizabeth  Shippen  Green. 

The  heart  tragedies  of  this  little  girl  with  no  one  near  to  share  them,  ar& 
told  with  a  delicate  art,  a  keen  appreciation  of  the  needs  of  the  childish 
heart  and  a  humorous  knowledge  ot  the  workings  of  the  childish  mind. 

THE  FLY  ON  THE  WHEEL.    By  Katherine  Cecil  Thurston 

Frontispiece  by  Harrison  Fisher. 

An  Irish  story  of  real  power,  perfect  in  development  and  showing  a  trutt 
conception  of  the  spirited  Hibernian  character  as  displayed  in  the  tragic  as 
well  as  the  tender  phases  of  life. 

THE  MAN  FROM  BRODNEY1   .    By  George  BarrMcCutcheon. 
Illustrated  by  Harrison  Fish''  . 

An  island  in  the  South  Sea  is  the  setting  for  this  entertaining  tale,  and 
an  all-conquering  hero  and  a  beautiful  princess  figure  in  a  most  complicated 
plot.  One  of  Mr.  McCutcheon's  best  books. 

TOLD  BY  UNCLE  REMUS.    By  Joel  Chandler  Harris.    Illus 
trated  by  A.  B.  Frost,  J.  M.  Conde  and  Frank  Verbeck. 

Again  Uncle  Remus  enters  the  fields  of  childhood,  and  leads  another 
little  boy  to  that  non-locatable  land  called  "  Brer  Rabbit's  Laughing 
Place,"  and  again  the  quaint  animals  spring  into  active  life  and  play  their 
parts,  for  the  edification  of  a  small  but  appreciative  audience. 

THE  CLIMBER.    By  E.  F.  Benson.     With  frontispiece. 

An  unsparing  analysis  of  an  ambitious  woman's  soul— a  woman  who 
believed  that  in  social  supremacy  she  would  find  happiness,  and  who  finds 
instead  the  utter  despair  of  one  who  has  chosen  the  things  that  pass  away. 

SYNCH'S  DAUGHTER.    By  Leonard  Merrick,    Illustrated  by 

Geo.  Brehm.  i 

A  story  of  to-day,  telling  how  a  rich  girl  acquires  ideals  of  beautiful  and 
simple  living,  and  of  men  and  love,  quite  apart  from  the  teachings  of  her 
father,  "  Old  Man  Lynch  ".of ..Wall  St.  True  to  life,  clever  in  treatment. 

GROSSET  &  DUNLAP,  526  WEST  26th  ST.,  NEW  YORK 


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